Thank you all, for your advice. I've taken it all in and thought a long time about it. My difficult child called her aunt this morning, told her that she was charged with stealing a cell phone and charger from a person at the women's shelter that she was at recently. She claims she did not take it and she wanted my sister to call the shelter and ask if they found it yet. So, she is denying the charge and feels that because they didn't like her there, they ganged up and accused her of the theft. She had an argument with the one girl there accusing her of saying something to someone and starting trouble, so she says. I think this girl called her names and threatened her in an email and difficult child wanted my sister to go online and copy the email as evidence that the accuser was out to get her so made up a lie and got the others to lie too. At least that's her story. She lies, so we can't be certain of anything.
My sister does not like being involved and has been warned by her doctor against it. difficult child started in on her, asking her to come get her suitcases and bail her out and once again, wanted to stay with her. This has been an ongoing thing with difficult child - asking her aunt for help or a ride and other things BUT everytime they drop her off at a shelter (and this has been 3 times since Feb 1st) she leaves almost immediately for various senseless reasons like "they had no WIFI internet access there" or "they were mean to me, expected me to do chores" and so on. Will only stay there a couple days at places that have internet and all the comforts she likes and some food. She then leaves to hop on a bus to go visit her difficult child boyfriend in another state, traveling over 16 hours or more on buses to get there where she is not welcome by his parents. She begs money from her paternal grandma who gives it to her to get her to go away. Other times (which this is completely insane!) this boyfriend's parents have actually brought him to "visit" (have sex with) my difficult child in a motel room for a couple days and then she is kicked out of the shelter and homeless once again for leaving the shelter. The boyfriend's parents threatened my difficult child with calling police if she so much as shows up on their property but they bring their son to come and have sex with her for a few days and then take him back home leaving her stranded. This is all to appease him and prevent him from trying to take a bus to see her by himself which he did once already until they cut him off using credit cards. My difficult child is happy that she got to spend time with him and is even trying to get pregnant. He, on the other hand, being a bigger difficult child than she is, slices his wrist when he can't get his way and takes a few days in the hospital to avoid situations then goes home again with his parents. He has been doing this at least once a month since she started talking to him online. He is (in my opinion) a severely ill difficult child who can barely talk coherently. He is also scary, violent and he has threatened my life and anyone who my difficult child says has upset her. To difficult child he is the love of her life.
difficult child's current plan is to continue to hop on a bus to go see him on Apr 8. Has already purchased a bus ticket. She talks about being homeless in Minn just so she can get to see him despite the threat of parents calling police on her if she shows up on their door step. So she's in jail and wants someone to come get her out and the at the earliest opportunity, she is STILL planning on hopping on a bus again. Not planning on getting her ID, getting a SS card, signing up for food stamps or SSD, none of that. Only wants free so she can go see him again. She told her aunt that she fully intends to get on the bus again. *BIG SIGH*
I will not help her to do that. I have decided to stay out of her life. She caused all of this and she has to get herself out of trouble. I've told the rest of my family to stay out of it too that it is just enabling her to continue to screw up her life. She won't listen and she probably will not show up for court if she is bailed out. None of us can afford to lose that kind of money and we cannot believe her promises or keep her from running off again. So it's useless to attempt to help her out now. So we'll see what happens next. I'll update you all. I don't feel at all guilty about staying out of it because she's dragged me through the mud and made a fool of me forever when I've told police that she has a mental disorder. They don't want to hear it. I don't want to talk to her attorney and let her think I'm helping her. She has a mouth, I am sure she will tell of her diagnosis and all. I gave her the paperwork I had from 5 years ago with a diagnosis and I don't have copies! I don't know if she lost it or what. I told her that was all I had. If her actions and behavior in court don't show what difficult child she is, I don't know what will. Her doctor's notes are outdated. She only wants to get OUT and get back together with her boyfriend. I hope that the courts see that she is a mess mentally and decide to help her but I can't be involved in it. She has to ask for the help for herself. I honestly don't think she will cooperate or comply with getting help for her illness at this time. She would have to be forced. Oh, and this is not the first time she was arrested. She was cuffed and taken to juvie when she was 13 twice and spent over 2 weeks there. I told them at the time that she carried some heavy duty diagnosis and guess what? They did not care but they did end up dropping charges completely thanks to her public defender who came to court so late I was unable to have a word with him.