She's moving out ....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    and it's all my fault! After saying she didn't want to be tenant any longer, nothing changed. I finally told her that she was still doing nothing and had not posted a list of what chores she would do when. Before I could say another word, she told me she would go back to being a tenant. I told her, no, that wasn't an option. She had until the end of the month to find a place to live.

    She has found an apartment -- unfurnished. It won't be available until mid-April and I told her that was okay, she could stay until then. She then told me what all she was taking from the house for her apartment. Mind you, not asked, but told. When she got to the couch, I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing. Um, sorry, dear, you can take you clothes and makeup, the tv in your room, the extra set of dishes, your bedding, things in the garage that we aren't using. You're NOT taking my crockpot, Cuisinart, blender, toaster, procelain knives, etc. To say she was not happy was putting it mildly.

    Then it was I'm going over to a friend's house. I asked her when she planned on cleaning her room. I really did just want a set time it would be done, nothing more. First, it was it's really not that bad -- the dirty clothes are in the hamper. I asked her what about all the other stuff -- cups and cans all over the place, tissues on the floor (she'd had the flu, etc.). She then started screaming at me, saying I didn't want her to go to her friend's, was mad that she had found a place to live and so on. Honestly, I was so stunned I didn't say a word. When she finished her screaming, I told her the room needed to be cleaned -- it was unsanitary and if she chose to not clean it, she could move out now. She tried arguing, I repeated clean or leave. Ultimately, she cleaned.

    Part of me is sad at the idea of her being gone. Another part is truly relieved. I'm hoping she remembers she still has a mother and lets me know how she's doing but the odds are against it (unless she wants something). I know I'll miss her but not the drama or the mess. Cleaning up after her is like having 3 toddlers. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the screaming, the being blamed for everything. I guess I'm just plain tired.

    I hope she succeeds in this new journey. I love her but I really don't want to live with her anymore.
     
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, yes, I bet you're just beside myself at the thought that you won't be having these lovely mother/daughter one on ones!

    :winks:

    I mean, any mom who won't let her daughter take the Quisinart and the porcelain knives! You have no heart, woman!

    :rofl:

    I wouldn't be surprised if Miss Drama Queen finds a home with someone who really loves her before the middle of next month.
     
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Enjoy the peace and quiet (if she actually moves out)...........who was going to help her move the couch?
     
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    The sense of entitlement of kids today is just amazing!!! It never stops. All three of mine seem to think that whatever is mine is theirs---even the easy child's!
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Don't you actually have to buy FOOD to use a Quisinart? OMG - the nerve!

    You certainly handled that whole situation with class kid - I'll tell ya what. Lesser women would have cracked like an egg in a quisinart - but you've had so many "go rounds" you really performed well.

    I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    WOW!

    And by all means - yes, please pick up my flu ridden hankies - What's the name of YOUR maid service? My GiveaDamn Is Broken, Inc? OMG - unreal.

    I know you will miss her - I miss Dude too, but I DO NOT miss the looks, the cleaning (her Native American brother lives in my house his name is - IMUST USEALL DATOWELS) - when you say it fast it sounds like he's having an affair with terry cloth.

    You really did well Bunny - VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! TOO COOL!

    Hugs
    Star
     
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sweetie,

    I know that this is hard for you, although you are at the end of your rope.

    Hugs for your mommy heart. remember, I have an AWFULLY wide shoulder to lean/cry/snot on, iffn you need it.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    MB

    You may actually get your daughter back faster out of the house than while she's living in it.

    I think ya did good kiddo! :laughing:

    I know you'll miss her. But then you get used to it. And then of course you don't have to deal with the dramatics anymore either.

    Hugs
     
  8. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    I think you did a good job. Did she find someone to share an apartment with? Can she afford an apartment on her own?

    I am wondering because........Melissa is finally ready to find an apartment, but she only makes $7/hour and cannot afford one. She has no friends that she can be roommates with. I wish she could move out. (also, she has bad credit and we will NOT be cosigning for her apartment, so I don't know if she can even rent one)

    Sending hugs your way,
    sue
     
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Can I say I am jealous???? :sick: Very????

    I know that sounds horrible - but oh my!

    I am sure it will be sad as well, and I send you many cyber hugs - but there will also be much relief. Hang in there, and stay strong. I am so proud and envious of your moxy.:redface:
     
  10. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I loved the couch and kitchen items should go with her. You did a good job standing your ground.
     
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I asked her if she could afford the apartment by herself. I got a very "yes, mom" response. I'd love to see her budget and what's not included. The rent is $605/month plus utilities. A co-worker offered to have her boy friend give her free Comcast (he works there). sigh Then she's talking about buying a car. Dying to know what she'll do for insurance -- she does have an accident on her record.

    Of course, the minute she mentioned finding an apartment at work, one of her co-workers (male -- "a good kid" according to her) said he needed a place. I'll give her credit, she mentioned lots of good points to sharing an apartment with him and some of the negatives. He's not a partier, very focussed on his future. It would be cheaper to share rent, etc. Less privacy was a big factor. The other one was if he flaked out and she'd be left holding the bag for the lease. I told her if she goes this route, they should make some rules beforehand about who cleans what, rules about friends sleeping over, drug use, etc. Of course, I got the roll of eyes and snide remarks that I don't trust her or her friends. Her choice, her problem.

    I did say I would help her get furniture. Heck, we live in a very large retirement community. There's always cheap furniture in good condition for sale here. Ditto household stuff. However, she keeps up the entitlement issues and good luck on any of it.

    So, it's a thought out as anything I've ever seen her plan, but reality is going to bite her hard.
     
  12. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    My heart goes out to you being a single mom. The mega drama of my difficult child wanting to move out was a lot to take on and I may have needed medication if I had to do it alone. husband has done much of this work. So much of what you posted sounds familiar...cleaning up after three toddlers and her not being willing to help out with housework...that was my difficult child.

    At first I was ultra concerned when our difficult child moved to an apartment. This was mostly because I was unsure and still am a bit unsure of her ability to make decent choices. With our difficult child one never knows where the problems might pop up. by the way, one of them was attempts at having people "share" the apartment with her. These were other difficult children. difficult children are not really swift at making payments.

    At first, she had tons of problems and only very very recently (crossing myself/knock on wood) is she doing a little better. The progress is super duper slow...but it is there. She's even keeping her place kinda clean/decent.

    She's been out of the home for approx 8 months now. I feel a little weird saying this, but I really didn't miss her all that much. I was mostly very worried for her health and safety . I too was tired of the turmoil. VERY tired. I was a little saddened that she didn't visit more often. Visits were mostly about "can I have some money." However, perhaps the tides are turning because tomorrow we are meeting for lunch and it "seems" to be one with no strings attached. Everything with these kids just seems very slow and the road is bumpy. It requires a lot of patience and strength on our part. Wishing you well.

    p.s. We bought our difficult child a few very used pieces of furniture at the consignment shop. She took some extras we had in our garage and she had all she needed. Everybody was very happy with this...it all worked out.
     
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Thank you for your words. I know I can't go on living under a cloud of anger and resentment -- it's not fair to either us but it hurts so much. I love her with every inch of my being. I don't want to be angry at her, I don't want her moving out when I really don't feel she's ready. I hate, hate, hate this situation.
     
  14. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Someone on line somewhere said that it is God's design for teenagers to act the way they do so when they get 18 we want them out!

    Still it's gotta be hard. My difficult child is 14 and he has said many times he is moving out when he is 16. Yea, right - and pay rent and survive with a job asking "would you like fries with that"? :rofl:

    We told him as long as he goes to college he does not have to pay to live with us and because he is in ESE classes and has been since 3rd grade his college is suppose to be paid for - we'll see about that one. But what I didn't tell him is the rules of the house aren't gonna change just because he is in college so he will probably find a roommate at that point. Haven't brought that up yet way too early to start fighting about that one!

    I hope things go well for her on her move and for you also.
     
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    MB, I am envious of your resolve, strength and tenacity. I am appalled by OUR difficult child's thought process that they are entitled to take whatever they want from OUR home. The nerve!

    I hope that by the time my difficult child is 20 she will have her you-know-what together to move the heck outta my home. Back when she was 'threatening' to move out on us, she said she was taking her bed, dresser and bookcase. I laughed. No she's not.

    I allowed easy child to take her futon because really, I have no need for it, and it doubled as a bed until she used her own money to buy her own mattress set for her apt. I let her 'borrow' her dresser for now. Once the tag sales are in full swing it is expected that she will acquire another dresser so I can collect mine. H says we should let her keep it. Ahem, no.

    Sending lots of hugs to you because I know that as much as you want to be rid of her BS, you will miss her in your mommy heart. But I think your relationship will improve if she sticks with her own place...won't it be nice to meet for lunch and be nice to each other without all the added drama?
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I found a Cuisinart in the salvation army with all attachments - $6.99 - should I get it and send it to her?

    What are you going to plan to fill YOUR time with now that she's moving out?

    Hugs
     
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My kids might talk about taking the couch, but they ALL know you don't mess with the kitchen stuff - it is all MOM's. I can't believe all she felt she could take.

    It will all settle down, and work out the way it is meant to. Sometimes it takes reality to make our kids live in the real world.

    I am sorry about all the drama - seems to me it will get worse for a bit with the big change coming up.

    Star, Cuisinarts sell for a LOT more than $6.99 on ebay - I would grab it and sell it.

    Susie
     
  18. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi MeowBunny,
    this may be just what needs to happen for both of you! I had to make my difficult child 1 leave when she was 18 and she sure grew up and figured out how to take care of herself. I wasn't sure she could. She will be 20 in May and seems more mature and able to handle herself than many girls that age because of having to grow up fast. She now lives in Seattle, 3000 miles away from me but she calls often to check in and I really enjoy talking to her now. She does not have a sense of entitlement at all anymore and is very respectful and loving. I sure like her a lot more than I used to! She says she loves Seattle so I expect she will try to stay out there. She seems happy and she is supporting herself and as far as I know has even dumped the freeloading boyfriend. I am so amazed at how far she has come in the last 2 years and especially recently.

    Good luck--I do not think you will miss the drama!

    Jane
     
  19. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Star, grab that Cuisinart. Even if it doesn't work, the bowl will sell for more, especially if it's like a Difficult Child 10. And I'll happily take it off your hands! Even paying shipping on that puppy would be worth it.

    Fortunately, I'm getting busier here. Trying to start a new business of doing almost anything for people -- the motto is .... if it's legal and ethical I'll do it for you! -- anything from pet setting to house watching to grocery shopping. Basically, anything I could think up. So, if that gets going (already have 5 clients and 4 more in the wings) and getting a part-time job (looking for that now), I'll be nice and busy.

    I do have to defend her a little. I did tell her that the odds were that in September, when the lease here was up, I would probably have to move and she could pretty have my stuff. And I have 3 Cuisinarts -- one new, my old stand-by with all the blades and a mini. However, this ain't September!

    Still haven't heard from her today. Guess she took me seriously from what I said yesterday. I dread when she comes home. I get the feeling it's not gonna be pretty no matter how I try to stay calm -- doesn't help that I've had maybe 3 hours sleep, does it?
     
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