She's not sober

[Nancy]

difficult child is over right now and easy child read some texts on her phone. She was talking to some guy who she met at an AA meeting and was kicked out of a sober house and told him she has smoked a few times and drinks a little but does it responsibly but her parents would freak out if they found out.

Very very sad.

Nancy

 

[buddy]

Sorry.... HUGS

 

[Signorina]

I am so so sorry Nancy. {{{hugs}}} Few steps forward and a step back ... seems to be part of the process. Don't lose hope.

 

[lovemysons]

Oh man Nancy,
I too am so so sorry.

Wondering what it will take for our difficult child's to figure out that alcohol and drugs are NOT an option for them. I have told my young difficult child after this past summer..."When you drink you break things and hit things and cause destruction, alcohol hurts you and everyone you love".
And now he has chosen straight prison as opposed to rehab prison.

When will they get it?
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

Oh, Nancy, how heartbreaking. However, we know that relapses are common and to be expected. Are you going to bring this up with her?

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[toughlovin]

Oh nancy i am so sorry.....remember what that book everything changes talks about i terms of the process ofr ecovery. Stay strong and focus on yourself....it is progress not perfection and she has made progress....and hopefully will get back on track soon.

TL

 

[ThreeShadows]

So very sorry, Nancy. I really thought she would stay sober this time. I feel like crying, I can't imagine how you must feel.

 

[Nancy]

I am crying 3S. I really thought she would stay sober too. Or at least if she relapsed she would get back on the program but she is talking like she thinks she can drink and smoke responsibly

I did confront her and if course she denied it and said she wanted to see how it sounded. Of course I don't believe that and told her so.

Not sure if I'm going to the AA meeting tonight. I'm not into hypocrisy.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}} Nancy. We are here for you. Do what ever feels best - your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom - you are a wonderful mother. Her comment - naive as it may be - shows that being in your good graces is important to her. That's a good thing, she still has a long way to go - YES - but it seems she has traveled a long way as well. Be angry, be hurt, be scared but please do not lose hope.

 

[dashcat]

Nancy,
I am so sorry. You are a great mom and she knows it. One of the hard things about having a difficult child is that you really never know what to believe. Mine lied about so many things, it has been impossible at times to know what is and what is not. She, indeed, could be bluffing to this guy and still be sober, but - even if that's so - the lying is disturbing at best and at worst she's standing on a slippery slope ready to fall. Only she knows what is real. And she does know what to do next. I am praying she does it.
Hugs,
Dash

 

[lovemysons]

Nancy,
Was just reading my FA book passages on relapse.
Here is one...

Release with Love
"My sister has found a 12 step program to help her stay clean and sober. Happy for her, I now wonder how I should behave where she's concerned. Fortunately, through FA, I am learning to release with love.
Sobriety is a wonderful for my sister, as well as for those of us who care about her. But FA has taught me that her sobriety is more likely to endure if she chooses it stricktly for her own reasons.
She will not be inclined to "stay clean" for anyone else.
Similarly, I've learned that I cannot pin my hopes and happiness on her sobriety. I love her, but I set her free to work her own program, just as I am free to continue my own program and growth.
Thus I release my sister from the need to stay clean to please me. If she stops drinking alcohol or using other drugs merely for my sake, she will not be clean or sober. She will just be "not using".

Today I will....release my loved one to her own recovery and get on with living my own life with joy.

I don't know if this helps Nancy.
But I am thinking of you.
LMS

 

[KTMom91]

I'm sorry, Nancy. Hugs.

 

[Kathy813]

That was beautiful LMS. What are the FA meetings like? Are they like Al-anon where people just share their stories or are they more interactive where you can ask for help and advice?

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

It helps LMS. It's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Nancy

 

[Nancy]

My eyes burn and my throat hurts from holding back the tears. Obviously I have more work to do on myself.

Nancy

 

[pasajes4]

(((( HUGS)))) Take care of you. You have given her all the help that you can.

 

[pinevalley]

Oh Nancy, I feel so bad for you. Can you let yourself have a good cry tonight? Sometimes when I just have to cry about my difficult child I feel much better later. I am sending lots of caring thoughts to you. HUGS....

 

[Signorina]

Nancy - it's OK to cry. And please don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to be sad - be good to yourself. [[[hugs}}

 

[AmericanGirl]

Nancy, I am so very sorry. Hoping you can get some rest.

LMS...thanks for your FA post. It helped.

 

[lovemysons]

Nancy,
Another here that thinks having a "good cry" helps. It can be both painful and scary but I remain hopeful for your daughter. She has gone through alot but she is in a supportive environment and also has a job that she loves. You and husband have been firm but loving all along.

Kathy,
Only went to a couple of FA meetings yrs and yrs ago. FA was HUGE gathering in small room, no advice or questions taken. I found Al Anon to be much more of what I needed. Smaller group, usually discussions relating to "passage" out of Al Anon books or an individual "emergency" if something was seriously going on with a person.

Nancy...I'm glad the passage was what you needed to read. '
Sending you additional comfort and hope...Yes, recovery is "progress not perfection".

LMS