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She's road tripping with a suicidal friend??
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<blockquote data-quote="WNC Gal" data-source="post: 520854" data-attributes="member: 3783"><p>Thank you for all of your posts. I did drive in middle of the night to her dorm a few days ago and camped out so I could talk to her in person and gauge her emotional state. The HUGE factor in this is not only that I had major concerns about her being involved with and traveling with a recently suicidal 18 year old boy (who I had not previously met), was that her ex-boyfriend was communicating to me that my own daughter seemed to be slipping into a depression, was apathetic, expressing thoughts of worthlessness and was skipping class in addition to suddenly having an intense relationship with a suicidal kid.</p><p></p><p>So.. I knew very well how to handle this situation when she was only 14... take her to be evaluated! But now she is 18 and I knew it would be tricky. Indeed we spent hours that morning discussing it all. Numerous times she was ready to write me off and tell me to stay out of her business. She is supremely intelligent and capable of rationalizing and arguing to compel me to believe her (which I recognize). She told me yes, she had a brief emotional dip, but had sought a therapist and nutritionist at college (her ex-boyfriend tells me she had told HIM she hadn't yet been able to get to a therapist). She denied being depressed, skipping classes, etc. She denied being nervous about being around "Tom"... although several days prior she had been txting her ex-boyfriend that she was "scared" and it was a messed up situation. She kept reiterating that she did not HAVE to tell me she was taking the trip - that MOST kids would not be honest with their parents, but she was! So why penalize her and deny her going on this wonderful stress-relieving quick trip to the beach?? And that MOST kids are doing drugs and drinking at school but she is NOT... that I need to trust her ! She was even angry at first that I drove to her school, and said it showed a lack of trust on my part to recognize her as a capable "adult" who needs to take care of herself. At this point, we reached an impasse.... if I explicitly told her she could NOT go on the trip OR if I made a bold and perhaps involved legal move to have her evaluated, she would "never" forgive me and it would seriously damage our relationship. IF I let her go on the trip, I would be VERY nervous, but she would have means to prove to me that she was truly fine, reliable and trustworthy. </p><p></p><p>I insisted on meeting with "Tom" and her before they left. Of course, I was all too aware that they could both be "snowing" me with the appearance of normalcy... but he seemed fine.. polite, respectful and reassuring me that she would be safe. I told them I would prefer that they not go at this time, but if they really felt it was a reasonable thing to do, do it. I realized (and I was speaking extensively with "Tom"'s mother at this point via phone also), that even if we "prevented" them from going on this planned trip to Florida (with supervision at the destination), that both of our kids have cars.. and they could jump in, drive away and do ANYTHING they wanted without our knowledge. The fact that they wanted (very badly) our approval and trust seemed important.</p><p></p><p>So... she is now in FL with him. She HAS been wonderful about txting me their progress, whereabouts and activities multiple times a day. </p><p></p><p>But.. and if any other parents have been in this situation - please advise!!) - I still have huge lingering fears that she MIGHT still be depressed/suicidal/tenuous. When your child is away at college- it is very hard to "monitor" their condition. Yes.. she would certainly call me with major health/financial/school issues. **But - she is also well aware that I would swoop in and check her in to a hospital IF she shared that she was suicidal. So... either she is trying to manage this on her own without having to get me involved... OR..... she is down the slippery slope of truly decompensating and can't/won't elicit my help.</p><p></p><p>When I met with her, she certainly seemed cheery, lucid, positive and confident. But if she's faking it? Maybe she's better? Maybe she's practicing "fake it til you make it", OR maybe she is truly going downhill fast and won't share it...... ????? </p><p></p><p>They are driving back from FL today... I am hoping and praying for her safe return to school. In my worst nightmares, they are on some "Thelma and Louise" type trip..... I will call the counseling center on her campus to see if they have any advice on monitoring her on an ongoing basis. Other than staying in frequent contact and keeping the lines of loving communication open, I'm not sure what else to do ?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WNC Gal, post: 520854, member: 3783"] Thank you for all of your posts. I did drive in middle of the night to her dorm a few days ago and camped out so I could talk to her in person and gauge her emotional state. The HUGE factor in this is not only that I had major concerns about her being involved with and traveling with a recently suicidal 18 year old boy (who I had not previously met), was that her ex-boyfriend was communicating to me that my own daughter seemed to be slipping into a depression, was apathetic, expressing thoughts of worthlessness and was skipping class in addition to suddenly having an intense relationship with a suicidal kid. So.. I knew very well how to handle this situation when she was only 14... take her to be evaluated! But now she is 18 and I knew it would be tricky. Indeed we spent hours that morning discussing it all. Numerous times she was ready to write me off and tell me to stay out of her business. She is supremely intelligent and capable of rationalizing and arguing to compel me to believe her (which I recognize). She told me yes, she had a brief emotional dip, but had sought a therapist and nutritionist at college (her ex-boyfriend tells me she had told HIM she hadn't yet been able to get to a therapist). She denied being depressed, skipping classes, etc. She denied being nervous about being around "Tom"... although several days prior she had been txting her ex-boyfriend that she was "scared" and it was a messed up situation. She kept reiterating that she did not HAVE to tell me she was taking the trip - that MOST kids would not be honest with their parents, but she was! So why penalize her and deny her going on this wonderful stress-relieving quick trip to the beach?? And that MOST kids are doing drugs and drinking at school but she is NOT... that I need to trust her ! She was even angry at first that I drove to her school, and said it showed a lack of trust on my part to recognize her as a capable "adult" who needs to take care of herself. At this point, we reached an impasse.... if I explicitly told her she could NOT go on the trip OR if I made a bold and perhaps involved legal move to have her evaluated, she would "never" forgive me and it would seriously damage our relationship. IF I let her go on the trip, I would be VERY nervous, but she would have means to prove to me that she was truly fine, reliable and trustworthy. I insisted on meeting with "Tom" and her before they left. Of course, I was all too aware that they could both be "snowing" me with the appearance of normalcy... but he seemed fine.. polite, respectful and reassuring me that she would be safe. I told them I would prefer that they not go at this time, but if they really felt it was a reasonable thing to do, do it. I realized (and I was speaking extensively with "Tom"'s mother at this point via phone also), that even if we "prevented" them from going on this planned trip to Florida (with supervision at the destination), that both of our kids have cars.. and they could jump in, drive away and do ANYTHING they wanted without our knowledge. The fact that they wanted (very badly) our approval and trust seemed important. So... she is now in FL with him. She HAS been wonderful about txting me their progress, whereabouts and activities multiple times a day. But.. and if any other parents have been in this situation - please advise!!) - I still have huge lingering fears that she MIGHT still be depressed/suicidal/tenuous. When your child is away at college- it is very hard to "monitor" their condition. Yes.. she would certainly call me with major health/financial/school issues. **But - she is also well aware that I would swoop in and check her in to a hospital IF she shared that she was suicidal. So... either she is trying to manage this on her own without having to get me involved... OR..... she is down the slippery slope of truly decompensating and can't/won't elicit my help. When I met with her, she certainly seemed cheery, lucid, positive and confident. But if she's faking it? Maybe she's better? Maybe she's practicing "fake it til you make it", OR maybe she is truly going downhill fast and won't share it...... ????? They are driving back from FL today... I am hoping and praying for her safe return to school. In my worst nightmares, they are on some "Thelma and Louise" type trip..... I will call the counseling center on her campus to see if they have any advice on monitoring her on an ongoing basis. Other than staying in frequent contact and keeping the lines of loving communication open, I'm not sure what else to do ? [/QUOTE]
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