's "secret" GOOD NEWS!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Aug 31, 2012.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm telling you guys even before difficult child#1 sees the official letter. He was approved for Disability. Not only that, it goes back to 2005. Yep, its been a long, long stressful road but soon he will be independent and husband and I will be able to drop any expenses for his maintenance. Lordy even a little financial help will be of benefit to us.

    Yes, I am afraid that he will blow his money. No, I am not going to try to control it. I am about as detached as I expect to be in my lifetime and if he implodes I'll just hope and pray that it doesn't impact my determination to limit stress for the sake of my health.

    Right?????? Yea, right. I honestly didn't think he would get it because (I guess) I still see my easy child/difficult child when I look at him and figured the Appeal Court would too. Actually reading the full eight page report with all the mega experts that we took him to after his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and others that I've never makes me sadly convinced that he really is not able to function adequately. Weird the emotions I'm feeling.

    I'm not telling anyone including husband. on the other hand...many of you have cried with me over all these years and I want you to know first. DDD
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    Doing the happy dance!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Wow, That's Awesome, DDD!!!

    You have always been such an incredible warrior parent. Your "easy child/difficult child" will always hold you dear to his heart.
    You did good.

    Another Happy Dancer here!
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Quietly dancing!!! Woo hoo!!!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great news DDD. Hopefully he will act wisely with the money and make some good choices for his future. I'm sure this has to be a huge relief to you.

    Continue your minimal stress lifestyle.
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I completely understand how you could be going through a whole range of emotions right now. The good news is you won't be as financially strapped as you could have been. Is there a trust fund or annuity type thing you could set up for the windfall from 2005-now, just so he can't blow it all at once?
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Evidently he will be "in charge" of his funds and the one who decides what to spend or not to spend. I wish you all had met or "knew" the easy child side of him...he's so sweet/cocky, lol. He told me tonight "Mama I know Grandad and Ace are causing you stress. I saw a house with a separate guest apt. in the back. Would you like to come live at my house?"

    OMG. I can't explain all the emotions that went thru me. Ace, the wonder dog, is stressful. My husband honestly is a wonderful kind man...but...the stress of my cancer has sent him reeling to booze and cigarettes. He totally knows that second hand smoke is dangerous for me as the most likely next outbreak of cancer is either my liver or my lungs statistically. Again, sigh, today he smoked inside the house. I have asked him to use our back porch and I will just not go there. on the other hand, he is almost 80 and know. But when difficult child#1 asked if I wanted him to buy a house with a mother in law unit so I could stay healthy. I can't even say anything more. I'm proud. I'm sad. I'm confused. DDD
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He is a good boy DDD and you have a lot to be proud of with him. mother in law suite sounds pretty good.

  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    This is wonderful news. I hope it brings peace. Can he get help managing money through
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How sweet and poignant and what a tug on the old heartstrings............I can see how that would touch you in a number of ways.........HUGS for your tender heart.........
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great news, DDD! Your boys will be ok. Sweet of him to offer a mother in law place to you.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow that really touched my heart. This is really good timing. Here, any back pay is put in a separate account and more specific requirements put in place for it's use. Will be interesting to see how they do that but its good to see you will leave it to him. Yes, he will be ok. Bummer abt the smoking. Hope he slows down for both of your sakes.
  13. 92025

    92025 Member

    As a financial planner, I've got to say please try to get the lump sum managed for him. That's a once in a lifetime opportunity, let him screw up the monthly checks. Not sure if that will buy a small house or condo in your area, but maybe at least a trailer or mobile home. Or someone else had a good idea about buying an immediate annuity.
  14. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Great news!! And what a sweet offer for housing.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    92025 as of now this is the "plan". First get his attorneys to recommend someone who can settle his debts so his credit rating is satisfactory....most of the debts are medical since he has no private insurance so goes to the hospital and they turn debts over to agencies for collection. I know there are specialists who negotiate and settle at x on the dollar but I have no experience with it. Secondly, he will repay a debt he owes his Mom and a debt he owes me. Next, he will find a car that is newish and dependable. Fourth he is going to buy a house. I'm not sure if I believe it is best to buy it outright or with a small mtg. I'm afraid that IF he pays all cash that he won't "remember" to pay the annual insurance premium and real estate taxes. If he has a small mtg that is PITI then if his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) messes with his head he'll remain safe.. I'm leaning toward the small mortgage with PITI on an auto withdrawal basis. Yes, our real estate market is down so he should be able to buy a home for under fifty thousand.

    It's going to be tricky because he's 25 and I have to be careful with the fine line between "sharing info" and "pushing" him to choose wisely. on the other hand I think that he (and his girlfriend, sigh) will be better off with the bulk money spent and the monthly income available for ADHD choices. Yikes.

    LOL, by the way, I suggested maybe Ace the wonder dog and his precious Grandad could live in the mother in law apt and I could just stay here. His response ?? "NO WAY, MAMA...just YOU!" (I'm sure he knows just like you all know that I'm not doing that but still think it's sweet.) DDD
  16. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Awww, DDD, I am thrilled he was approved. Like you, I would worry about how he will spend it, but .... you are doing well in the detachment thing these days. What a sweet offer to want to house you in a mother in law suite. Had to warm your heart. We've been on such a long, sometimes very bumpy road together, my friend. I'm so glad to hear he's making good decisions about the money, and that him getting it will relieve your stress somewhat.

  17. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    DDD: I'm so happy that your difficult child was approved also. He really seems like he has a good heart, and that he loves you. You have done a wonderful job raising him. (((HUGS)))
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm thrilled for you and your easy child/difficult child. Taking the financial burden off you should be a big stress reliever. I have fought encouraging my difficult child to file for disability because I kept thinking she could get better and be a functioning adult. For our sake, though, I think it is time to face facts and take this off our shoulders.

    I may be turning to you for help on the process. Can a person be working a part-time job and still apply? I know it will take a long time.

    I am so happy it turned out well for your difficult child.