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Should H come with or not?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 317319" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">Thanks GVC and KLMNO. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">I had intended on bringing up my feelings tonight with the therapist about how I don't feel like we're making any further progress and that I feel she needs to redirect H when he begins his tirades about work rather than focusing on sharpening his coping skills. H will be very angry with me for doing this, but so be it. If we want to be able to move forward, then he needs to be a bit more introspective. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">K, every single therapist that we have gone to or that H has gone to he has a problem with. The last one he was seeing he was seeing alone, for himself, at my request. It was the 4th one and he didn't feel that that guy was the right fit either...he especially hates it when they suggest he go to AA. The thing about that particular suggestion is that the therapist always just leaves it hanging in the air, without specific instructions. H would benefit from doing a step program rather than just open meetings as he is too far into his own sobriety to truly benefit from open meetings. A step program would benefit H more because it would walk him through the steps of finding his sobriety and connecting more with his inner self. However, it's not my job to make him see this or to make him do it. When I mentioned this in session, our current therapist agreed but also did not elaborate. H is not committed to getting better and feels that since he doesn't drink, what's the problem? The problem is he hasn't figured out how to replace those bad coping skills with healthy coping skills. Anyway, my point is that no matter who we go to, male or female, if H isn't ready to do the work, then he won't 'click' with anyone, Know what I mean?? </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">It's just very frustrating for me to have our therapist practically trip over herself exclaiming her joy to me that "at least H comes to the sessions". I just feel like saying, "So what? Does he deserve a medal for this minor effort - he showed up? I come too - do we get door prizes or something?" I mean, really, wth? Why do we make such a big freakin deal because a man shows up for therapy to SAVE HIS MARRIAGE, even if he's not doing the work it takes to save said marriage? If our therapist says something to that effect tonight, I'm going to call her on that. It's just like if a man is raising his kids without a wife - everyone is SOOOoooOOooo impressed by that. So what? Women all over the place raise their kids without a husband. Why aren't we equally impressed with that? And why is it that every other month there is a new study in the paper about how kids need dads, but never studies about kids needing moms? Ugh - this just makes me so mad.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">Bottom line: If I can admit the issues I need to work on, H should be able to also. I'm tired of doing all the work and worrying. I'm glad he's coming with me, because I feel brave enough to say how I feel. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 317319, member: 2211"] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]Thanks GVC and KLMNO. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]I had intended on bringing up my feelings tonight with the therapist about how I don't feel like we're making any further progress and that I feel she needs to redirect H when he begins his tirades about work rather than focusing on sharpening his coping skills. H will be very angry with me for doing this, but so be it. If we want to be able to move forward, then he needs to be a bit more introspective. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]K, every single therapist that we have gone to or that H has gone to he has a problem with. The last one he was seeing he was seeing alone, for himself, at my request. It was the 4th one and he didn't feel that that guy was the right fit either...he especially hates it when they suggest he go to AA. The thing about that particular suggestion is that the therapist always just leaves it hanging in the air, without specific instructions. H would benefit from doing a step program rather than just open meetings as he is too far into his own sobriety to truly benefit from open meetings. A step program would benefit H more because it would walk him through the steps of finding his sobriety and connecting more with his inner self. However, it's not my job to make him see this or to make him do it. When I mentioned this in session, our current therapist agreed but also did not elaborate. H is not committed to getting better and feels that since he doesn't drink, what's the problem? The problem is he hasn't figured out how to replace those bad coping skills with healthy coping skills. Anyway, my point is that no matter who we go to, male or female, if H isn't ready to do the work, then he won't 'click' with anyone, Know what I mean?? [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]It's just very frustrating for me to have our therapist practically trip over herself exclaiming her joy to me that "at least H comes to the sessions". I just feel like saying, "So what? Does he deserve a medal for this minor effort - he showed up? I come too - do we get door prizes or something?" I mean, really, wth? Why do we make such a big freakin deal because a man shows up for therapy to SAVE HIS MARRIAGE, even if he's not doing the work it takes to save said marriage? If our therapist says something to that effect tonight, I'm going to call her on that. It's just like if a man is raising his kids without a wife - everyone is SOOOoooOOooo impressed by that. So what? Women all over the place raise their kids without a husband. Why aren't we equally impressed with that? And why is it that every other month there is a new study in the paper about how kids need dads, but never studies about kids needing moms? Ugh - this just makes me so mad.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]Bottom line: If I can admit the issues I need to work on, H should be able to also. I'm tired of doing all the work and worrying. I'm glad he's coming with me, because I feel brave enough to say how I feel. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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