Should I be Concerned??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by juggernut60, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. juggernut60

    juggernut60 New Member

    Hi everyone. I am not a parent but i am here for my nephew who is like a child to me. He is 3 years old, 4 in august. His speech is not where it should be, there are a few letter sounds that he cant say. He doesnt know his A,B,C's and can't count past 4. His parents arent really working with him to teach him this stuff but this isnt the main reason for the post.
    Im posting because he has within the last few months been saying some things that have been worrying myself and his sister (who is 21 and has a 15month old who has far exceeded his learning and speech).

    Ive noticed he is rough with the animals in the house, they got a new puppy and despite the "be gentle" and everything he still would pull the dogs tail until it whimpered and ran off, then he would laugh.

    His sister was wrestling with her boyfriend and their daughter on the floor and he asked her if they were having sex.

    At least twice he has been caught saying frightening things. Once with me while watching the Chipmunks movie he whispered "Im gonna stab them and kill them and then theyll be dead" He said that twice, I told him that wasnt nice to say and he continued watching the movie. A few months later his mom spanked him for trying to climb on the couch and he tried to choke her. Shortly after he was at his sisters and he had told her "When i get older im gonna stab you, chop you up into pieces, and then you'll be dead" and this worried her.

    I understand sometimes kids say things they dont understand but he just has this look on his face like he knows what it means. Is this something that some kids go through or is this some sort of gateway into a severe behavioral problem?

    Im really at a loss here and im so worried about him. Please help.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the site! It's wonderful that you're there for the little guy. He sounds like he's got some issues going on here. I've got a few questions (don't be insulted - they're just general ones to see if there's a direction to point you in)

    Have his mom and dad spoken to you about some of this stuff?
    Has he ever been tested for any of the things going on here (including the speech problems that you've mentioned?).
    Does he attend any type of preschool?
    How has he been with peers?
    Did he hit all of his developmental milestones on time?
    Does he seem like he might have sensory issues (over sensitive to various sights, sounds, textures, foods, etc.)?

    I know that you may not know exact answers, but if you've noticed any of these types of things, jot them down - it may help!

    Others will pop on to help out as well!

    Again, welcome to the group - there's a lot of support and experience here!

  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Do you know if he's ever been physically abused or witnessed any abuse? Is he agressive with anyone besides the dog that you know of? Did/does his mom use drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs? These are just a few things that popped into my head as I read your post. Has he ever been evaluated by anyone? Sorry I can't offer any advice right now but there are so many questions running through my head. More information would definitely be helpful.
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Trouble is it's so difficult to say what is happening with a child from a distance, or even close up... I echo the sentiment that you, your sister, would need to speak with someone who has had experience of many children, who is in a better position to judge and evaluate. For whatever it's worth, the thing I find most worrying in what you have said about your nephew is that he is cruel to the dog and laughs about it... but even that... I remember watching a young cousin of mine, a boy aged three, tear all the wings off a ladybird with no apparent signs of remorse. He is today a perfectly "normal" adult. As for not knowing letters or numbers at the age of three, this doesn't personally shock me in the slightest! Every child has their own pace of development; one should only be worried about not knowing letters and numbers at the age of 5 or 6... I do hope you can find a competent source of evaluation - it definitely sounds as if you need to check things out.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would be concerned that somebody either sexually abused him (it is NOT normal for a three year old to talk about sex that way) or if he is being allowed to watch inappropriate movies.

    That aside, are there any psychiatric or behavioral issues on either side of his family tree? I have raised five kids and in my opinion that kind of talk is frightening. I have never heard that kind of talk from either my own kids or their friends. I would encourage the family to get help for him right away before it gets worse. Early intervention is the key to anything that may be going on. "It" doesn't have to have a name right now, but it needs to be addressed with professionals.

    As an animal lover galore, I would suggest the family rehome the poor little dog. Cruelty to animals in children by the way is a red flag that something bad is going on. I would not wait and hope it goes away. It usually gets even worse.

    Good luck. You are a very caring auntie.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I agree that talk about sex and violence from a 3 year old is worrying. But I would be most concerned about where he has learnt it from...
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Talking about stabbing and cutting people in my opinion is also very worrying. With my own five children, half the neighborhood at my house, and now working at a daycare, I have come to know how mainstream children act and talk. That isn't how they talk. Something is going on with him and he needs treatment ASAP. JMO