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Should I force him?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 643477" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Hi!</p><p></p><p>I'm one of those deviant Europeans of the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Quite a bit north from you and in much less family orientated culture (one of those blond, cold-blooded bast**ds of the north <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />), but I do understand your dilemma. Part of which is, that if you would 'get rid' of your problem kid, it only would mean that rest of your family members would be burden with him. And I'm sure that is not an extra stress you would like to put for example on your other child.</p><p></p><p>Can you talk with your son? Actually have meaningful conversations or are those likely to end up to yelling and frustration for both parties? Have you discussed about what his dreams and plans are and does he have any? How about his social interaction? Does he have friends, does he spend time with them and what are they doing? Without you telling the country you are from, I of course can't be sure, but I will guess that finding a job will not be something you can demand from your son like our US board members tend to do. My neck of woods is not in the same situation like some of the Mediterranean countries, but even here "have a job in on month time" would be undoable even for the most PCist kid without skills and education. In some countries, like for example Spain, it would be undoable for a kid with relevant education and work experience (like for example for registered nurse or even a MD.) Things are bad right now.</p><p></p><p>But it would be important to get your son moving. Does he express interest or initiative for anything? If not, I would try to force him to have psychiatric evaluation. That could be a sign of depression. If not, try to come up with something else to get him moving. Kid of someone I know, who was in the bit of similar situation to yours, is currently in New Zealand in work and travel program and thriving and making plans for what to do after this gap year. But surviving that takes some initiative. There are also many other types of volunteering programs that could be helpful for a kid who seems to be stuck. Some are expensive, but some are more affordable. Also summer is coming and there will be seasonal work around Europe available. Much of it being physical and hard for your back, but can also be a great adventure to a kid who is bit stuck. Surviving in foreign country without your family and coming up ways to solve everyday issues in foreign culture can give a great boost to selof-confidence and motivation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 643477, member: 14557"] Hi! I'm one of those deviant Europeans of the board ;) Quite a bit north from you and in much less family orientated culture (one of those blond, cold-blooded bast**ds of the north ;)), but I do understand your dilemma. Part of which is, that if you would 'get rid' of your problem kid, it only would mean that rest of your family members would be burden with him. And I'm sure that is not an extra stress you would like to put for example on your other child. Can you talk with your son? Actually have meaningful conversations or are those likely to end up to yelling and frustration for both parties? Have you discussed about what his dreams and plans are and does he have any? How about his social interaction? Does he have friends, does he spend time with them and what are they doing? Without you telling the country you are from, I of course can't be sure, but I will guess that finding a job will not be something you can demand from your son like our US board members tend to do. My neck of woods is not in the same situation like some of the Mediterranean countries, but even here "have a job in on month time" would be undoable even for the most PCist kid without skills and education. In some countries, like for example Spain, it would be undoable for a kid with relevant education and work experience (like for example for registered nurse or even a MD.) Things are bad right now. But it would be important to get your son moving. Does he express interest or initiative for anything? If not, I would try to force him to have psychiatric evaluation. That could be a sign of depression. If not, try to come up with something else to get him moving. Kid of someone I know, who was in the bit of similar situation to yours, is currently in New Zealand in work and travel program and thriving and making plans for what to do after this gap year. But surviving that takes some initiative. There are also many other types of volunteering programs that could be helpful for a kid who seems to be stuck. Some are expensive, but some are more affordable. Also summer is coming and there will be seasonal work around Europe available. Much of it being physical and hard for your back, but can also be a great adventure to a kid who is bit stuck. Surviving in foreign country without your family and coming up ways to solve everyday issues in foreign culture can give a great boost to selof-confidence and motivation. [/QUOTE]
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