Should I go? Updated

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child texted me to invite me to go out to dinner sometime next week with her and her new "friend" . . . the recovering heroin addict. . . his treat.

    This is the guy that she met at the halfway house who has a trust fund and has been buying her things. It seems like they are always together. I texted back that I thought that she was taking it slow and she said she was because they were not having sex. OMG

    Oh, and she is still dating Peter Pan. It seems like she is too busy dating at this point to find a job.

    So would you guys go?

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes but I would take husband.

  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I would take husband and insist on paying separately. This guy is too quick with the money.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's all a moot point now. difficult child just texted and said forget about dinner. She found out that the heroin addict was using behind her back. I'm glad she found out before they became really involved. I'm also encouraged that she sounds disgusted that he was using. He has left the program and the halfway house. I'm glad that she won't be around him anymore.

    She also texted that Peter Pan really loves her and supports her recovery. He did call me when difficult child was abusing Xanax to tell me he was worried about her. He told her that he would break up with her unless she stopped taking Xanax. That was the motivating factor for her to stop abusing Xanax. Unfortunately, she moved on to alcohol.

    I texted back that I didn't think he was a bad person but that he needs to grow up.

  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Totally agree. Double date - meet them there and split the check. Let her know beforehand that you insist on splitting the check and bring cash in case he pays in advance so you can leave your part on the table. Sounds like a power play from new boy. I've dated a boy like that (a longgggg time ago)
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Now she asked if she can bring Peter Pan to husband's birthday dinner next Wednesday. If you didn't read my other post on Peter Pan, we have never really met him the 8 years that they have been dating. Mostly because we didn't approve of him because he smoked pot and drank. According to difficult child, he doesn't smoke pot anymore and doesn't drink when she is around. She asked if we could go out to dinner with him a couple of weeks ago so we could get to know him and I said yes.

    I think it will be awkward but I guess we can get through it.

  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yay yay yay. It's amazing how fast they come and go. I'm glad she told you about it although just like my difficult child she runs back to the other guy.

    It's good news though. What a scrum bag.

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What an awesome post. She asked you out to dinner - she wants to spend time with you and include you in her life. this is GOOD. She wanted your opinion of this guy - again GOOD. She found out he was using and is disgusted and wants nothing to do with him. AWESOME!!! She wants to include her boyfriend of eight YEARS in family things - GOOD. This gives you a chance to really get to know him, which is always good. If for no other reason than the old saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" really is good advice.

    I do think telling her that PP needs to grow up isn't very productive. It may be true, but clearly she either knows it or is choosing to ignore it, Know what I mean??
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Whew! I'm so glad the trust fund dude is out of the picture....and still, lol, doubt his funds come from a trust fund. Awesome that she discovered his problem and addressed it herself.

    Regarding Peter Pan I personally would not include him in a family celebration. on the other hand I would certainly agree to a shared meal at another time. Obviously I haven't been all that successful at difficult child parenting but I have always kept family time as just that...the stuff memories are made of...and difficult child friendships on a different level. Lol, truthfully I'm not interested in bonding with difficult child friends even though many have been part of our life over the years. It sure sounds like she is taking steps forward and that's great news. DDD
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, you are probably right. easy child and I discussed it and initially she was resistant to Peter Pan coming to our family dinner. We decided, though, that difficult child would probably be on her best behavior in front of him so we said okay.

    However, I highly doubt he will show. He knows what we think of him and is "afraid" of me. LOL He is 6'4" and 220 pounds to my 5'4" 120 pounds. I think he will be safe.

    difficult child has been included in his family celebrations and spends the night there frequently. His parents love her. difficult child told me that she told Peter Pan that if they were going to be together he had to get to know her family, too. I actually thought that was very mature of difficult child.

    So we will see what happens.

  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think it is great that she is talking to you about stuff.. and awesome that she left trust fund guy when she found out he was using heroin again. That is good news. I also think including peter pan for dinner is a good idea. You don't get to choose her partner and the more you welcome who she chooses into the family, the closer she will stay to the family.

    My parents were always great about my having friends over and included, even the ones (and boyfriends) they didn't like. It was a smart move because it kept me close and eventually with the one abusive boyfriend I had, helped me in leaving him. So yeah invite him... if he chooses not to come that that is his choice.

  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I didn't realize that she had spent family time with his family. That does change my perspective a bit. It would be more tit for tat. Our home has always been open to friends also and believe me, lol, all of the kids have shared too much info over the years, lol. on the other hand family holiday and birthday celebrations have been just that (with parties, of course, being the exceptions). I cherish the intimacy of just having family at the table....and find those moments bonding times and laden with happy memories. Hugs DDD
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This will not be at our house. We have a tradition of going to our favorite Italian restaurant which gives people a free dinner on their birthday.

    I hope that meeting him at a neutral setting makes it easier. I haven't heard back from her yet so I don't know if he is going to come or not. Or he might say he will and bail out at the last minute. difficult child has been known to do that, too. She has missed many birthday celebrations over the years.

    When I asked her if she was coming to husband's dinner, she texted back, "Duh". I found that rather ironic since she had missed so many family events over the years I wouldn't have thought is was an automatic "duh".
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The DUH thing?
    We've found that... when difficult child started turning the corner and improving, it we as almost like he was getting a new brain, and he really didn't connect what was happening now with how things used to happen. So, we'd clarify/re-check/etc. and he'd be saying "of course" and "duh" and so on. Maybe its just a sign of "new brain cells" developing?
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    One can hope Insane. Hope things go smoothly Kathy