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Should I pay?
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 585809" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hello and welcome, Mary,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also have adopted children, although mine were adopted at a younger age. </p><p></p><p>It looks like you provided every reasonable opportunity (therapy, education, loving care, activities, etc.) to secure a warm and stable life for your daughter. Unfortunately, even the best efforts and intentions don't always have the desired results, and when drugs enter the mix, well, it's even more difficult.</p><p></p><p>She is 24, and must learn to live with her own choices. I don't think it's a good idea to start paying her to call you - I know you're considering this out of abundant love and concern for your daughter, but I think that sends the wrong message. Providing financial support when she is doing positive things is fine, if you are comfortable with that. I think you should also consider a Al-anon group or parent's therapy or individual therapy to help you through this difficult time, if you've not already done so. It is so challenging, but hearing others' experiences and advice can be helpful. Posting here has been very helpful to me as well.</p><p>difficult child stands for "gift from God" - it is the term used here for our challenging children. easy child is for "perfect child" - which we know doesn't exist!</p><p>Again, welcome, and you can feel free to post again over iin Parent Emeritus, as your difficult child is over 18.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 585809, member: 13882"] Hello and welcome, Mary, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also have adopted children, although mine were adopted at a younger age. It looks like you provided every reasonable opportunity (therapy, education, loving care, activities, etc.) to secure a warm and stable life for your daughter. Unfortunately, even the best efforts and intentions don't always have the desired results, and when drugs enter the mix, well, it's even more difficult. She is 24, and must learn to live with her own choices. I don't think it's a good idea to start paying her to call you - I know you're considering this out of abundant love and concern for your daughter, but I think that sends the wrong message. Providing financial support when she is doing positive things is fine, if you are comfortable with that. I think you should also consider a Al-anon group or parent's therapy or individual therapy to help you through this difficult time, if you've not already done so. It is so challenging, but hearing others' experiences and advice can be helpful. Posting here has been very helpful to me as well. difficult child stands for "gift from God" - it is the term used here for our challenging children. easy child is for "perfect child" - which we know doesn't exist! Again, welcome, and you can feel free to post again over iin Parent Emeritus, as your difficult child is over 18. [/QUOTE]
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