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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 71081" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I disagree too. Most 18 year olds want distance, but they also accept responsibility, and your son isn't. He's back to his old ways, doing what he likes, disrespecting your rules...are you sure he isn't smoking pot again? I don't think working for your hub is a good plan. He can be lenient and work when he wants. I'd make him get a job that has nothing to do with your family NOW. I personally think there are big red flags that he's thumbing his nose at you again. 18 or not 18, if a child lives in your house they are in my opinion to respect YOUR rules. When they pay the rent (does he have to pay any rent?) and are out on their own, then they can do what they want to do. I would say he is backsliding fast, and it's too bad they took him off parole. My daughter behaved while on parole too. When they took her off of it wheeeeeeeeeeeeee it was back to her old ways.</p><p>Remember that your son can get a real, bonafide record that sticks now. He is mostly "hanging out" with friends. Not good. Our difficult child's need structure and purpose more than typical teen. in my opinion he needs his time accounted for, a strict curfew, sparadoc drug testing (as long as my daughter lived at home she had drug testing at OUR request and with no warning). And don't let him snow you with a pout and an outraged "You don't trust me!" Of course you don't trust him. He needs to earn trust. It isn't something we just do. Why should you trust him yet?</p><p> Are you giving him money? In my honest opinion, which is laced with compassion, I believe you are being way too soft on him (which will hurt him in the long run) and that you are asking for a repeat performance. Age be darned (I want a stronger word...lol). This is not a kid who is 18 emotionally nor has he earned your trust. I'd make him follow rules or plan to leave. For all you know, he's smoking pot and drinking again. Or he's with kids who are and will join in soon. Consider yourself warned from one who knows and (((big hugs))).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 71081, member: 1550"] I disagree too. Most 18 year olds want distance, but they also accept responsibility, and your son isn't. He's back to his old ways, doing what he likes, disrespecting your rules...are you sure he isn't smoking pot again? I don't think working for your hub is a good plan. He can be lenient and work when he wants. I'd make him get a job that has nothing to do with your family NOW. I personally think there are big red flags that he's thumbing his nose at you again. 18 or not 18, if a child lives in your house they are in my opinion to respect YOUR rules. When they pay the rent (does he have to pay any rent?) and are out on their own, then they can do what they want to do. I would say he is backsliding fast, and it's too bad they took him off parole. My daughter behaved while on parole too. When they took her off of it wheeeeeeeeeeeeee it was back to her old ways. Remember that your son can get a real, bonafide record that sticks now. He is mostly "hanging out" with friends. Not good. Our difficult child's need structure and purpose more than typical teen. in my opinion he needs his time accounted for, a strict curfew, sparadoc drug testing (as long as my daughter lived at home she had drug testing at OUR request and with no warning). And don't let him snow you with a pout and an outraged "You don't trust me!" Of course you don't trust him. He needs to earn trust. It isn't something we just do. Why should you trust him yet? Are you giving him money? In my honest opinion, which is laced with compassion, I believe you are being way too soft on him (which will hurt him in the long run) and that you are asking for a repeat performance. Age be darned (I want a stronger word...lol). This is not a kid who is 18 emotionally nor has he earned your trust. I'd make him follow rules or plan to leave. For all you know, he's smoking pot and drinking again. Or he's with kids who are and will join in soon. Consider yourself warned from one who knows and (((big hugs))). [/QUOTE]
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