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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 71251" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My daughter told me with the deepest, most sincere eyes how she was drug free and we believed her too. If your son is still hanging with drug using friends...WHY? "Birds of a feather stick together."In other words, you only have his word that he's drug free. Do I think you should give him a chance? If you let him come and go as he pleases, he will probably fail. He needs your help to reign him in or, being the difficult child that he is, he'll give into peer pressure as he has in the past. in my opinion it's far better to keep him very busy (skip the social worker--we had one who also told us we had to "trust" our daughter--two days later she was busted). If your son is busted again, it's on his permanant record and he'll probably go to real jail. He hasn't proven himself to be responsible. To me, that would be getting a full time job away from Dad, and of his own free will or going to full time school and getting good grades with some part time job (kids do this all the time). "Hanging around" to me is a red flag that he's NOT responsible. Using up his money, freely given, is NOT a sign of responsibility. in my opinion I'd be afraid that he's already at least been around drugs, and a step from taking them again. My daughter tells me "Never trust a druggie." I don't. I can almost guarantee that if you keep on giving him this "I can do what I want. Yay, I'm on vacation with money" lifestyle, he will come home high or drunk or, worse, you'll get a call from the cops. Remember, he's still on his honeymoon. Give him three months. I'd put some strong limits and expectations on him, monitor where he goes, and give him an "either/or" if he gets defiant and refuses to listen. His response to your rules will tell you MUCH about if he's changed. Call my cynical, but I don't think he's basically changed much because a class won't change our kids. Only getting tough on my kid encouraged her to change. SHe would have had a field day with no expectations and money and I believe her outcome would have been jail. She would have remained a child. JMO and experience. Are you maybe afraid that if you don't do what he wants he'll say "I hate you" and go off on you? If so, he's doomed. To be good parents, we often have to make our children hate us, at least for a while. Me and my daughter are best friends now, but she sure hated me when I gave her the "either/or" after finding her in our house smoking pot with her druggie friends (and who knows if they were doing more than that?) This was one of those times we decide to "trust" her because she'd convinced us she'd reformed. We happened to take our two younger kids to an indoor water park and planned on staying two days. We only stayed one because my daughter got sick. When we stepped through the door, with druggie daughter expecting us not to be home for another night, SURPRISE!!!! And even then, with the smell of pot in the air and pipes in their hands, she tried to say, "I tried to stop them, but I didn't do it." RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT and who cares? You let them in. These kids are NOT truthful. If I were you, I'd be really concerned.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 71251, member: 1550"] My daughter told me with the deepest, most sincere eyes how she was drug free and we believed her too. If your son is still hanging with drug using friends...WHY? "Birds of a feather stick together."In other words, you only have his word that he's drug free. Do I think you should give him a chance? If you let him come and go as he pleases, he will probably fail. He needs your help to reign him in or, being the difficult child that he is, he'll give into peer pressure as he has in the past. in my opinion it's far better to keep him very busy (skip the social worker--we had one who also told us we had to "trust" our daughter--two days later she was busted). If your son is busted again, it's on his permanant record and he'll probably go to real jail. He hasn't proven himself to be responsible. To me, that would be getting a full time job away from Dad, and of his own free will or going to full time school and getting good grades with some part time job (kids do this all the time). "Hanging around" to me is a red flag that he's NOT responsible. Using up his money, freely given, is NOT a sign of responsibility. in my opinion I'd be afraid that he's already at least been around drugs, and a step from taking them again. My daughter tells me "Never trust a druggie." I don't. I can almost guarantee that if you keep on giving him this "I can do what I want. Yay, I'm on vacation with money" lifestyle, he will come home high or drunk or, worse, you'll get a call from the cops. Remember, he's still on his honeymoon. Give him three months. I'd put some strong limits and expectations on him, monitor where he goes, and give him an "either/or" if he gets defiant and refuses to listen. His response to your rules will tell you MUCH about if he's changed. Call my cynical, but I don't think he's basically changed much because a class won't change our kids. Only getting tough on my kid encouraged her to change. SHe would have had a field day with no expectations and money and I believe her outcome would have been jail. She would have remained a child. JMO and experience. Are you maybe afraid that if you don't do what he wants he'll say "I hate you" and go off on you? If so, he's doomed. To be good parents, we often have to make our children hate us, at least for a while. Me and my daughter are best friends now, but she sure hated me when I gave her the "either/or" after finding her in our house smoking pot with her druggie friends (and who knows if they were doing more than that?) This was one of those times we decide to "trust" her because she'd convinced us she'd reformed. We happened to take our two younger kids to an indoor water park and planned on staying two days. We only stayed one because my daughter got sick. When we stepped through the door, with druggie daughter expecting us not to be home for another night, SURPRISE!!!! And even then, with the smell of pot in the air and pipes in their hands, she tried to say, "I tried to stop them, but I didn't do it." RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT and who cares? You let them in. These kids are NOT truthful. If I were you, I'd be really concerned. [/QUOTE]
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