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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 71293" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi,</p><p>I am of two minds on this (that comes from being a Libra--we can always see too many sides to an issue to decide what to do). On the one hand, yes, a typical 18 yr old male does not want to hang out with his family and is trying to break away and make his own life. So, his not spending time with you doesn't raise any red flags for me. However, I have the nagging sick feeling in my gut that says he is taking advantage--he doesn't seem to really have a plan--or the plan is in the future, not right now. I am not hearing anything that makes me think he has an internal drive to "do something."</p><p></p><p>In fact, I think he reminds me of my difficult child 1 when she came home from her second stint in rehab. She sounded so good--so logical and rational. She had a plan! She would get a job and she would attend community college--but not til Fall--it was March when she came home). She kept talking about what she would do but she didn't actually do it. I took her for a tour of the community college and I realized she really was not invested in this--showed so little interest. I took her around to apply for jobs. She was applying on the internet, didn't really want to go out and find one. Meantime, she was seeing her friends, talking on the phone, just having a great time while I slowly began to seethe. </p><p></p><p>She met a guy and moved in with him about a month before she turned 18. He supported her through the summer--long saga. Anyway, nothing actually changed until I kicked her out for good and quit supporting her financially in any way. So, now she is 19 and takes care of herself and the boyfriend (she works more hours and makes more money than he does). I see now that she has finally taken control of her own life. I know she drinks and smokes pot but she also functions and I am not supporting her lifestyle. </p><p></p><p>I guess my gut feeling is that your son probably won't make the real changes he needs to make til he is forced to--then he will hopefully use the tools he was given in his Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He has the intellectual knowledge he needs but he may not be ready yet. He may not be able to do it while living under your roof, time will tell.</p><p></p><p>Good luck--my heart goes out to you--this is so difficult!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 71293, member: 3450"] Hi, I am of two minds on this (that comes from being a Libra--we can always see too many sides to an issue to decide what to do). On the one hand, yes, a typical 18 yr old male does not want to hang out with his family and is trying to break away and make his own life. So, his not spending time with you doesn't raise any red flags for me. However, I have the nagging sick feeling in my gut that says he is taking advantage--he doesn't seem to really have a plan--or the plan is in the future, not right now. I am not hearing anything that makes me think he has an internal drive to "do something." In fact, I think he reminds me of my difficult child 1 when she came home from her second stint in rehab. She sounded so good--so logical and rational. She had a plan! She would get a job and she would attend community college--but not til Fall--it was March when she came home). She kept talking about what she would do but she didn't actually do it. I took her for a tour of the community college and I realized she really was not invested in this--showed so little interest. I took her around to apply for jobs. She was applying on the internet, didn't really want to go out and find one. Meantime, she was seeing her friends, talking on the phone, just having a great time while I slowly began to seethe. She met a guy and moved in with him about a month before she turned 18. He supported her through the summer--long saga. Anyway, nothing actually changed until I kicked her out for good and quit supporting her financially in any way. So, now she is 19 and takes care of herself and the boyfriend (she works more hours and makes more money than he does). I see now that she has finally taken control of her own life. I know she drinks and smokes pot but she also functions and I am not supporting her lifestyle. I guess my gut feeling is that your son probably won't make the real changes he needs to make til he is forced to--then he will hopefully use the tools he was given in his Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He has the intellectual knowledge he needs but he may not be ready yet. He may not be able to do it while living under your roof, time will tell. Good luck--my heart goes out to you--this is so difficult! Jane [/QUOTE]
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