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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 71347" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Legally he's an adult. However, adults pay rent, buy food, clothing, gasoline, etc. They don't take their money and blow it while living with mommy and daddy. Kids do that. Considering he's not acting like an adult, he needs to have many of the same rules kids do -- curfew, chores (yes, on top of having a job), etc. He is part of a family. He isn't sharing an apartment.</p><p></p><p>What I would suggest is that you have him pay rent. You don't have to spend it. It can be put aside and given to him when he is ready to be on his own or used for college expenses. I wouldn't tell him you are doing this, though. The day could come when he would demand this money if he knew you were putting it aside for him.</p><p></p><p>I would also explain that even thought he is paying rent, he still has to follow house rules. The nominal rent he is paying is just a stepping stone towards adulthood. Unless he is paying one-third of all expenses, he is still a child living at home and will be treated as such. (It took me actually showing my daughter all bills and letting her see just how little she was contributing before she understood that house rules applied.)</p><p></p><p>I hope all goes well for you. He may have learned his lesson. This is something you'll know over time. Even so, he has to earn your trust, you can't just freely start trusting again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 71347, member: 3626"] Legally he's an adult. However, adults pay rent, buy food, clothing, gasoline, etc. They don't take their money and blow it while living with mommy and daddy. Kids do that. Considering he's not acting like an adult, he needs to have many of the same rules kids do -- curfew, chores (yes, on top of having a job), etc. He is part of a family. He isn't sharing an apartment. What I would suggest is that you have him pay rent. You don't have to spend it. It can be put aside and given to him when he is ready to be on his own or used for college expenses. I wouldn't tell him you are doing this, though. The day could come when he would demand this money if he knew you were putting it aside for him. I would also explain that even thought he is paying rent, he still has to follow house rules. The nominal rent he is paying is just a stepping stone towards adulthood. Unless he is paying one-third of all expenses, he is still a child living at home and will be treated as such. (It took me actually showing my daughter all bills and letting her see just how little she was contributing before she understood that house rules applied.) I hope all goes well for you. He may have learned his lesson. This is something you'll know over time. Even so, he has to earn your trust, you can't just freely start trusting again. [/QUOTE]
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