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Substance Abuse
Should she come home?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621361" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Most doctors have no experience or training with addiction. Same for many therapists. I have told my own GYN and Internal medication Docs about my own experience with my son and ex-husband. They didn't even know what Al-Anon is. It is unbelievable really but there you have it. So they will give very bad advice about how to handle this because quite frankly, if you haven't had any experience and started the hard work, it is inconceivable that you would not allow your own pregnant sister to live with you. On this board, we get it. We have done the hard work and there are so many experts now that support what we have learned. </p><p></p><p>He just doesn't know, Leah. You can counteract that with your mom by starting to go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon---both of you---buying and reading the literature, reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie, Clean by David Sheff, his son's books---Nic Sheff (recovering meth addict) and others. Your mom will have to learn new information if she wants to find peace. It's a time commitment and a lot of work, but it is well worth it. It is the pathway to peace and serenity for you both, regardless of what your beloved sister decides to do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course you have. You have moved heaven and earth. And it is exhausting. And it doesn't work. There is a brochure in Al-Anon called "The Merry Go Round of Denial." It is the best brochure and when you read it, most people say, oh my gosh, this is exactly what has been happening and how I have been feeling. It describes the circular dance that never stops. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No you can't. That is the first step, Leah, being so sick and tired yourself of being sick and tired that you are ready to do the hard work of change. This is huge for you. Keep moving forward on this path. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No you have not. She has failed herself. She has a disease that is characterized by denial. It is characterized by these traits and others: cunning, baffling, manipulative. It is characterized by relapse. It will be something she will have to fight every day of the rest of her life if and when she decides. It will be really really hard. </p><p></p><p>This is not HER. This is the disease, that is controlling her. It it is like it has become her. </p><p></p><p>And I don't believe you have given up. </p><p></p><p>What you have done is Stopped. You have stopped enabling. Giving up and stopping enabling are two very different things, Leah. </p><p></p><p>You haven't given up hope that she can and will change, by the grace of God and by her own decision and then, by her own hard, hard work. </p><p></p><p>Until then, you are standing by, loving her, waiting in the wings. Waiting for her to do the hard work of change. You will have to see it to believe it, and that will take a while. That is as it should be. And then, one day, when she is firmly on the path, you can maybe---just maybe---stick your tiny toe in the water to help her again. Or, you can stand by and applaud as SHE does the work she needs to do to be a complete, functioning, mature adult who is standing on her own two feet.</p><p></p><p>And then you can really have a relationship.</p><p></p><p>Until then, Leah, work on yourself. You will find THAT is a full time job and pays immense rewards. Keep posting. We are here for you. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621361, member: 17542"] Most doctors have no experience or training with addiction. Same for many therapists. I have told my own GYN and Internal medication Docs about my own experience with my son and ex-husband. They didn't even know what Al-Anon is. It is unbelievable really but there you have it. So they will give very bad advice about how to handle this because quite frankly, if you haven't had any experience and started the hard work, it is inconceivable that you would not allow your own pregnant sister to live with you. On this board, we get it. We have done the hard work and there are so many experts now that support what we have learned. He just doesn't know, Leah. You can counteract that with your mom by starting to go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon---both of you---buying and reading the literature, reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie, Clean by David Sheff, his son's books---Nic Sheff (recovering meth addict) and others. Your mom will have to learn new information if she wants to find peace. It's a time commitment and a lot of work, but it is well worth it. It is the pathway to peace and serenity for you both, regardless of what your beloved sister decides to do. Of course you have. You have moved heaven and earth. And it is exhausting. And it doesn't work. There is a brochure in Al-Anon called "The Merry Go Round of Denial." It is the best brochure and when you read it, most people say, oh my gosh, this is exactly what has been happening and how I have been feeling. It describes the circular dance that never stops. No you can't. That is the first step, Leah, being so sick and tired yourself of being sick and tired that you are ready to do the hard work of change. This is huge for you. Keep moving forward on this path. No you have not. She has failed herself. She has a disease that is characterized by denial. It is characterized by these traits and others: cunning, baffling, manipulative. It is characterized by relapse. It will be something she will have to fight every day of the rest of her life if and when she decides. It will be really really hard. This is not HER. This is the disease, that is controlling her. It it is like it has become her. And I don't believe you have given up. What you have done is Stopped. You have stopped enabling. Giving up and stopping enabling are two very different things, Leah. You haven't given up hope that she can and will change, by the grace of God and by her own decision and then, by her own hard, hard work. Until then, you are standing by, loving her, waiting in the wings. Waiting for her to do the hard work of change. You will have to see it to believe it, and that will take a while. That is as it should be. And then, one day, when she is firmly on the path, you can maybe---just maybe---stick your tiny toe in the water to help her again. Or, you can stand by and applaud as SHE does the work she needs to do to be a complete, functioning, mature adult who is standing on her own two feet. And then you can really have a relationship. Until then, Leah, work on yourself. You will find THAT is a full time job and pays immense rewards. Keep posting. We are here for you. Hugs to you today. [/QUOTE]
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