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Should've kept my mouth shut
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 427844" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you need to sit easy child down and let her know that rent is not optional and that going to the gym is nice but she STILL must help with the lunchtime potty breaks. Set up a schedule and if she does not go home to do it she must do the clean up after the dogs and pay you your hourly wage. Or let her pay you what you earn per hour to go home and let her dog out. Also tell her that vaccinations are NOT optional and if she doesn't keep them current then the dog will not live in your home. Period. not negotiable. </p><p></p><p>She is living with you so she can save money and get on her feet and get her own place, right? So blowing all her money on pedicures and clothing and eating out and going out is NOT saving. Make her create a budget and share it with you. Then let her know that you expect her to follow it and save $X per month. Doing so will mean she can move out by a certain time - set that date and make showing you her bank balances and that she is saving as planned a part of the conditions for living with you - part of her rent, so to speak.</p><p></p><p>As for difficult child, if she is still smoking then she doesn't need help with money. Yes, it IS hard to quit. No doubts about that. But it is also hard to pay bills. One is optional and the other isn't. IF she wants help then make it contingent on not smoking. Otherwise, let her live on what she makes or figure out how to get by without it. yes, the child support sounds very high, but usually it is based on income and a formula. It is boyfriend's problem and if he wants it lowered then he needs to go to court and arrange it. LEt go of things like that. </p><p></p><p>Learn to commiserate with difficult child and easy child without rescuing them. They create the problems and will only grow by creating the solutions. Not nearly as much fun as blowing all yoru money and getting mom to bail you out, but you learn a lot faster. </p><p></p><p>I do think you need to have a long, hard talk with easy child. If she wasn't living in your home then I would advise to commiserate but not give her any money the way I advise with difficult child. But living in your home means that you are covering many expenses. I am sure her rent is not covering all of the food, utilities, trash services, etc... that she uses. This means that you have the right to give her some guidelines to how to spend her money. She clearly NEEDS these guidelines. IF she has credit cards, I would aks her to give them to you to hold onto. It is super easy to spend your way into bankruptcy on eating out, clothing, movies, etc.... Living on what you earn is a LOT harder and a LOT more satisfying. Ask her to go on a month of "abstinence" meaning spending no money that isn't for bills or stuff that is truly essential. THis means packing lunch and fixing coffee at home, doing your own pedicure with a pediatrician egg, etc... </p><p></p><p>Where were YOU at age 23? I was living in the first home we bought with my husband and child. He worked, I was a full time mom and student. My parents did pay for tuition, books and the sitter because it was one of my gma's last requests and they used money that gma left to them. We did not go out to clubs, or out to eat much. We stayed home, counted our pennies, paid our bills and played with our baby. We sure were not out getting new clothes and pedicures. My mom did pick up clothes for me at garage sales and she bought ALL of Wiz' clothes for most of his first five years. The first three years she couldn't even go into the gas station with-o buying him a shirt - I am NOT exaggerating. ANY clothes, household items, etc... that we bought were on super discount or were from garage sale. </p><p></p><p>It isn't going to be fun to put easy child on a budget or to let her know you disapprove when she blows it. But I think that you are going to have to if you ever want her to move out. Plus it is time for you to have the luxuries. You sacrificed for years so that the kids could have what they wanted and needed. Now you are still sacrificing while they are living high on the hog. Seems off balance, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>I would also increase her rent to include a manicure, pedicure and hair appointment for you each month. At least eh mani and pedi. That is to make up for the stress of having to stay on top of her budget and spending. It is also FAIR. I hope she is paying part of the gym fees. Divide the fees up by the number of people in the family and let her pay her share or let her pay the indiv fee minus a discount for letting her be on your family plan. She needs to learn that spending the time at the gym means she has to give up something else - NOT taht mom will take over her responsibilities so she has time to shop and go out!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 427844, member: 1233"] I think you need to sit easy child down and let her know that rent is not optional and that going to the gym is nice but she STILL must help with the lunchtime potty breaks. Set up a schedule and if she does not go home to do it she must do the clean up after the dogs and pay you your hourly wage. Or let her pay you what you earn per hour to go home and let her dog out. Also tell her that vaccinations are NOT optional and if she doesn't keep them current then the dog will not live in your home. Period. not negotiable. She is living with you so she can save money and get on her feet and get her own place, right? So blowing all her money on pedicures and clothing and eating out and going out is NOT saving. Make her create a budget and share it with you. Then let her know that you expect her to follow it and save $X per month. Doing so will mean she can move out by a certain time - set that date and make showing you her bank balances and that she is saving as planned a part of the conditions for living with you - part of her rent, so to speak. As for difficult child, if she is still smoking then she doesn't need help with money. Yes, it IS hard to quit. No doubts about that. But it is also hard to pay bills. One is optional and the other isn't. IF she wants help then make it contingent on not smoking. Otherwise, let her live on what she makes or figure out how to get by without it. yes, the child support sounds very high, but usually it is based on income and a formula. It is boyfriend's problem and if he wants it lowered then he needs to go to court and arrange it. LEt go of things like that. Learn to commiserate with difficult child and easy child without rescuing them. They create the problems and will only grow by creating the solutions. Not nearly as much fun as blowing all yoru money and getting mom to bail you out, but you learn a lot faster. I do think you need to have a long, hard talk with easy child. If she wasn't living in your home then I would advise to commiserate but not give her any money the way I advise with difficult child. But living in your home means that you are covering many expenses. I am sure her rent is not covering all of the food, utilities, trash services, etc... that she uses. This means that you have the right to give her some guidelines to how to spend her money. She clearly NEEDS these guidelines. IF she has credit cards, I would aks her to give them to you to hold onto. It is super easy to spend your way into bankruptcy on eating out, clothing, movies, etc.... Living on what you earn is a LOT harder and a LOT more satisfying. Ask her to go on a month of "abstinence" meaning spending no money that isn't for bills or stuff that is truly essential. THis means packing lunch and fixing coffee at home, doing your own pedicure with a pediatrician egg, etc... Where were YOU at age 23? I was living in the first home we bought with my husband and child. He worked, I was a full time mom and student. My parents did pay for tuition, books and the sitter because it was one of my gma's last requests and they used money that gma left to them. We did not go out to clubs, or out to eat much. We stayed home, counted our pennies, paid our bills and played with our baby. We sure were not out getting new clothes and pedicures. My mom did pick up clothes for me at garage sales and she bought ALL of Wiz' clothes for most of his first five years. The first three years she couldn't even go into the gas station with-o buying him a shirt - I am NOT exaggerating. ANY clothes, household items, etc... that we bought were on super discount or were from garage sale. It isn't going to be fun to put easy child on a budget or to let her know you disapprove when she blows it. But I think that you are going to have to if you ever want her to move out. Plus it is time for you to have the luxuries. You sacrificed for years so that the kids could have what they wanted and needed. Now you are still sacrificing while they are living high on the hog. Seems off balance, doesn't it? I would also increase her rent to include a manicure, pedicure and hair appointment for you each month. At least eh mani and pedi. That is to make up for the stress of having to stay on top of her budget and spending. It is also FAIR. I hope she is paying part of the gym fees. Divide the fees up by the number of people in the family and let her pay her share or let her pay the indiv fee minus a discount for letting her be on your family plan. She needs to learn that spending the time at the gym means she has to give up something else - NOT taht mom will take over her responsibilities so she has time to shop and go out!! [/QUOTE]
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