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Should've kept my mouth shut
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 427952" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Thank you everyone! I did speak with easy child last night, it was short and sweet, to the point. Her face got all pruned up, but I put up my hand and made her listen. I didn't say anything accusatory and simply stated the facts. She didn't get it. BUT, she did tell me how she saved up $600. Yay for her. I also told her that since she has money to spend on $80 shoes (I do not believe I have EVER paid $80 for a pair of shoes in my entire life) she has money to cover the cost of the vet for the little peewee pup.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Susie, you hit on some good points. easy child does pay her share of the gym membership and we do have a schedule set up for lunchtimes to take out the pup. She does it twice a week, I do it twice a week, and I can usually get difficult child or her boyfriend to drop by for me once a week. And no, her rent does not cover all of the costs of her living at home. She packs her breakfast and lunch every day and she helps with dinner usually twice a week, and she cleans the bathroom every week, bathes the dogs when I ask her to, and will sometimes go shopping for me. She's actually pretty considerate most of the time. She is good with her money, always pays her bills on time and usually more than what's due. However, I know that in her head she feels she's entitled to pedi/mani's and buying new clothes every month and constantly surfing the net for new shoes. I mean, I see it becoming a bad habit and H talks to her about it whenever he sees a lot of packages coming to the house. She doesn't think she makes enough money to live on her own, but if she gave up her shopping habit she probably could live in a decent place without a roommate. And we've told her that. The thing is while she's in school and working, I don't mind her living at home because she does help out a bit. That said, however, I do think I should raise the rent a tad - she needs to feel a pinch of reality. I like the idea of her buying me a pedicure! lol.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">difficult child. Hmmm, difficult child has actually made some really big strides this year in terms of being responsible for herself. But as always with most difficult children, she takes two steps forward, one step back...and as always with a difficult child, it's primarily due to the fact that she never thinks things through enough before acting. She bought a used car from a local dealer and has a car payment EVERY WEEK for $88 - not monthly like normal people, but WEEKLY - because she hasn't any credit. She not only overpaid for the car (though it is a very decent car) but she will be paying a lot of interest. On top of that it's a gas guzzler - a 6 cylinder Jeep Grand Cherokee. OMG. We tried to get her to see the insanity of this purchase, but she claimed it's always been her dream to have a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yeah, and my dream is to live in a seaside beach house with a Mazda Miata, but that's not happening any time soon, is it? Youth, ugh. H helped her with two car payments so far, and I have helped her with one. That's nearly $300 - PLUS, we each kicked in $200 a piece to help her buy it because you may recall, her boyfriend spent the money she had set aside for the down payment. Anyway...I did tell her to save money buy making her coffee at home and quit smoking - I know, I know, easier said than done. She even had the audacity to tell me I was one to talk (in terms of the smoking part)...Ahem, she smokes a pack a day. boyfriend smokes a pack a day. I smoke a pack MAYBE a WEEK. Big difference, not to mention that I probably make 3 times what they make put together in a year. And I pay all my bills without assistance. I's sure we will chat again this weekend. I want to speak with both her and boyfriend. His parents are the kindest people and while it's nice they are allowing difficult child and boyfriend to move into their home, difficult child and boyfriend NEED to understand that they are not on easy street - this is a time for them to really save some money in a sensible way by quitting smoking and giving up the big dog. When I say it I'm going to then never say it to them again. And I'm going to tell difficult child that my checkbook is now closed and that she has to begin paying H and me back the money she owes. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I felt taken advantage yesterday - between the two of them crying the blues about money and me feeling like the roving overdrawn bank account. I got paid today and have to pay all my bills. Whatever is left over has to go into the account for easy child and my vacation in August. I don't want to go to PR without fun money! I gave myself a pedicure last night - I have all the tools I need at home - and my toes look very cute!! I have to go food shopping at some point this weekend and I go to the discount stores and easy child hates that and groans whenever I say I'm going to Price Rite...hahaha. But I make her come with me so she understands how to save here and there. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #483d8b">I need to practice commisserating without rescuing - thanks Susie. I am going to type that up and put it right next to the Serenity Prayer I have taped up all over the place as my personal reminder to detach with love. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Thanks everyone for listening to me and all the great feedback. I feel better today. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 427952, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Thank you everyone! I did speak with easy child last night, it was short and sweet, to the point. Her face got all pruned up, but I put up my hand and made her listen. I didn't say anything accusatory and simply stated the facts. She didn't get it. BUT, she did tell me how she saved up $600. Yay for her. I also told her that since she has money to spend on $80 shoes (I do not believe I have EVER paid $80 for a pair of shoes in my entire life) she has money to cover the cost of the vet for the little peewee pup.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Susie, you hit on some good points. easy child does pay her share of the gym membership and we do have a schedule set up for lunchtimes to take out the pup. She does it twice a week, I do it twice a week, and I can usually get difficult child or her boyfriend to drop by for me once a week. And no, her rent does not cover all of the costs of her living at home. She packs her breakfast and lunch every day and she helps with dinner usually twice a week, and she cleans the bathroom every week, bathes the dogs when I ask her to, and will sometimes go shopping for me. She's actually pretty considerate most of the time. She is good with her money, always pays her bills on time and usually more than what's due. However, I know that in her head she feels she's entitled to pedi/mani's and buying new clothes every month and constantly surfing the net for new shoes. I mean, I see it becoming a bad habit and H talks to her about it whenever he sees a lot of packages coming to the house. She doesn't think she makes enough money to live on her own, but if she gave up her shopping habit she probably could live in a decent place without a roommate. And we've told her that. The thing is while she's in school and working, I don't mind her living at home because she does help out a bit. That said, however, I do think I should raise the rent a tad - she needs to feel a pinch of reality. I like the idea of her buying me a pedicure! lol.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]difficult child. Hmmm, difficult child has actually made some really big strides this year in terms of being responsible for herself. But as always with most difficult children, she takes two steps forward, one step back...and as always with a difficult child, it's primarily due to the fact that she never thinks things through enough before acting. She bought a used car from a local dealer and has a car payment EVERY WEEK for $88 - not monthly like normal people, but WEEKLY - because she hasn't any credit. She not only overpaid for the car (though it is a very decent car) but she will be paying a lot of interest. On top of that it's a gas guzzler - a 6 cylinder Jeep Grand Cherokee. OMG. We tried to get her to see the insanity of this purchase, but she claimed it's always been her dream to have a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yeah, and my dream is to live in a seaside beach house with a Mazda Miata, but that's not happening any time soon, is it? Youth, ugh. H helped her with two car payments so far, and I have helped her with one. That's nearly $300 - PLUS, we each kicked in $200 a piece to help her buy it because you may recall, her boyfriend spent the money she had set aside for the down payment. Anyway...I did tell her to save money buy making her coffee at home and quit smoking - I know, I know, easier said than done. She even had the audacity to tell me I was one to talk (in terms of the smoking part)...Ahem, she smokes a pack a day. boyfriend smokes a pack a day. I smoke a pack MAYBE a WEEK. Big difference, not to mention that I probably make 3 times what they make put together in a year. And I pay all my bills without assistance. I's sure we will chat again this weekend. I want to speak with both her and boyfriend. His parents are the kindest people and while it's nice they are allowing difficult child and boyfriend to move into their home, difficult child and boyfriend NEED to understand that they are not on easy street - this is a time for them to really save some money in a sensible way by quitting smoking and giving up the big dog. When I say it I'm going to then never say it to them again. And I'm going to tell difficult child that my checkbook is now closed and that she has to begin paying H and me back the money she owes. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I felt taken advantage yesterday - between the two of them crying the blues about money and me feeling like the roving overdrawn bank account. I got paid today and have to pay all my bills. Whatever is left over has to go into the account for easy child and my vacation in August. I don't want to go to PR without fun money! I gave myself a pedicure last night - I have all the tools I need at home - and my toes look very cute!! I have to go food shopping at some point this weekend and I go to the discount stores and easy child hates that and groans whenever I say I'm going to Price Rite...hahaha. But I make her come with me so she understands how to save here and there. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#483d8b][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#483d8b]I need to practice commisserating without rescuing - thanks Susie. I am going to type that up and put it right next to the Serenity Prayer I have taped up all over the place as my personal reminder to detach with love. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Thanks everyone for listening to me and all the great feedback. I feel better today. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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