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Should've, would've, could've...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 533143" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>You are kind. And very right that there really is no use crying over spilled milk. And while I do want to strangle difficult child at times, it would be unthinkable not to have him. And as wonderful as my easy child is I would never want to switch my difficult child to having two of him. Of course not that other biological child of me and husband would be carbon copy of easy child, We could have just ended with the different kind of difficult child than our difficult child. And yes, he is our difficult child, husband is his dad, Always will be. I do expect difficult child getting curious about his biological father at some point, if not earlier then at the time he will have his own children. But I have to say that he has never questioned his dad being his dad. Not even when he was little bit younger and they were fighting and it could had been so easy to throw that "you are not my father"-bomb to the air.</p><p></p><p>And I really am a lucky gal to have husband. When he decided to stick with us, we made some rules. There was that not telling to the difficult child's bio father he had a kid, other one was that husband would treat difficult child as his own and the third one was that this matter would never been used as a weapon when we have a spat. And also that we have managed to keep. Not once has husband hurled that one out during the argument, not even when we have been fighting over difficult child's issues. In fact I have heard that "YOUR son did this or that" more often when easy child has done something to irritate husband than when difficult child has.</p><p></p><p>Still it is of course a sore spot in our family and even more so between me and husband's relatives, especially mother in law. And unfortunately also between mother in law and difficult child. It doesn't help that difficult child and easy child don't look anything alike. Well, they are same race and there is something around the eyes they have both gotten from me, but other than that they do not look like brothers at all. easy child looks very much like husband. He is big, athletic looking kid and he ha s a pretty face, very good looking kid all together. difficult child is even taller but have always been very lanky kid. And he was always much taller than others and tried to look smaller so he has that slouching act down to the tee. And he has not been that lucky with looks department as easy child. His features just don't quite go together. But there is certain, hmmm, presence and that intensity in him, he is always noticed. But they are indeed remarkably not looking like each other and people notice and joke about it. Most probably have no idea how close they hit but it is still very awkward, especially when we do not know how many people do know. As said mother in law has a big mouth but she also has a big thing for appearance and I'm sure she doesn't want people outside of the family to know her son was cheated and is raising other man's child. </p><p></p><p>At times it feels almost unfair to difficult child that easy child has so much more going for him. All the things that are so hard for difficult child come easy to easy child. easy child is very popular, has lots of friends and is very well liked, is always getting those 'nicest guy' and 'fair play' awards sport teams give out, has been captain of his teams often. Mostly likes school, he has to work little bit more to his academics than difficult child, but not much. And while easy child may not end up having the level of talent in his sport that difficult child has, he is still very, very good. Luckily boys get along fine, but I do know difficult child is jealous of easy child and easy child at times feels embarrassed his brother is who he is. And that is hard for me to deal with emotionally.</p><p></p><p>I do know it doesn't help if I beat myself over this. And in some ways I'm almost happy I did make that mistake. Not only because it gave me difficult child but because screwing up so huge did teach me a lot. I had always prided myself of my propriety, how I always did the right thing. If I hadn't screwed up that badly I would probably be even more insufferable know-it-all than I already am. That indiscretion taught me a lot of humility and gave me more understanding to others. So I'm not at all sure if I would take it back even if I could and in the other way also that feels wrong because it did hurt many people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 533143, member: 14557"] You are kind. And very right that there really is no use crying over spilled milk. And while I do want to strangle difficult child at times, it would be unthinkable not to have him. And as wonderful as my easy child is I would never want to switch my difficult child to having two of him. Of course not that other biological child of me and husband would be carbon copy of easy child, We could have just ended with the different kind of difficult child than our difficult child. And yes, he is our difficult child, husband is his dad, Always will be. I do expect difficult child getting curious about his biological father at some point, if not earlier then at the time he will have his own children. But I have to say that he has never questioned his dad being his dad. Not even when he was little bit younger and they were fighting and it could had been so easy to throw that "you are not my father"-bomb to the air. And I really am a lucky gal to have husband. When he decided to stick with us, we made some rules. There was that not telling to the difficult child's bio father he had a kid, other one was that husband would treat difficult child as his own and the third one was that this matter would never been used as a weapon when we have a spat. And also that we have managed to keep. Not once has husband hurled that one out during the argument, not even when we have been fighting over difficult child's issues. In fact I have heard that "YOUR son did this or that" more often when easy child has done something to irritate husband than when difficult child has. Still it is of course a sore spot in our family and even more so between me and husband's relatives, especially mother in law. And unfortunately also between mother in law and difficult child. It doesn't help that difficult child and easy child don't look anything alike. Well, they are same race and there is something around the eyes they have both gotten from me, but other than that they do not look like brothers at all. easy child looks very much like husband. He is big, athletic looking kid and he ha s a pretty face, very good looking kid all together. difficult child is even taller but have always been very lanky kid. And he was always much taller than others and tried to look smaller so he has that slouching act down to the tee. And he has not been that lucky with looks department as easy child. His features just don't quite go together. But there is certain, hmmm, presence and that intensity in him, he is always noticed. But they are indeed remarkably not looking like each other and people notice and joke about it. Most probably have no idea how close they hit but it is still very awkward, especially when we do not know how many people do know. As said mother in law has a big mouth but she also has a big thing for appearance and I'm sure she doesn't want people outside of the family to know her son was cheated and is raising other man's child. At times it feels almost unfair to difficult child that easy child has so much more going for him. All the things that are so hard for difficult child come easy to easy child. easy child is very popular, has lots of friends and is very well liked, is always getting those 'nicest guy' and 'fair play' awards sport teams give out, has been captain of his teams often. Mostly likes school, he has to work little bit more to his academics than difficult child, but not much. And while easy child may not end up having the level of talent in his sport that difficult child has, he is still very, very good. Luckily boys get along fine, but I do know difficult child is jealous of easy child and easy child at times feels embarrassed his brother is who he is. And that is hard for me to deal with emotionally. I do know it doesn't help if I beat myself over this. And in some ways I'm almost happy I did make that mistake. Not only because it gave me difficult child but because screwing up so huge did teach me a lot. I had always prided myself of my propriety, how I always did the right thing. If I hadn't screwed up that badly I would probably be even more insufferable know-it-all than I already am. That indiscretion taught me a lot of humility and gave me more understanding to others. So I'm not at all sure if I would take it back even if I could and in the other way also that feels wrong because it did hurt many people. [/QUOTE]
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