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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 533637" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Wow Suzir, you have lived some hard lessons, but I can do nothing but be impressed by how you have dealt/are dealing with it. Whether bio kids or adopted, we all choose to be family and to love, <em><strong>or </strong></em> not to connect and love. Sounds like your family made the decision to be a real family....made from love. Husband and Wife (or significant others) are not related yet are the most common definition of family, because they choose to commit to each other. I agree with Star, what a beautiful gift. My sister has two kids born from different fathers...one bio was African American (not in the picture at all) and second is mixed-Japanese/Swedish. Kids look nothing like my fair haired sister. They are full siblings, bro. is annoyed by and protective of his baby sister. She never even used his name till last year. Just called him 'brudder' all these years. Q is adopted, Hispanic/African American/Italian heritage, and the other three cousins are blond/reddish haired, fair skinned....but they are full cousins in their hearts. Would never say differently. Family is extra special when you choose to commit when there is not a bio connection (not diminishing the bond of a bio...I have bio parents afterall)....it is such a special opportunity.</p><p></p><p>I love your husband's granny. Mine was similar. My dad's mom just loved her grandkids, and took on extras if need be. Everyone was welcome to the party! As my sister says, can't ever have too many people love our kids. </p><p></p><p>I am certainly not saying there is reason to deny that there will be feelings and some hurt/confusion/wondering/whatever.... But you have been honest, and like many people who are in adoptive situations, you are giving him an open door. When he wants info, you have made it clear he can get it. At his own speed, in my humble opinion that was brilliant and sensitive. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can more fully forgive yourself. I work on that for situations too and I am sure we all have stuff. Some more challenging than others I realize, but I think your difficult child was meant to be just as he is. For whatever reasons???? But he does sound like a great kid, and when thru these challenges I stand by my feeling that he is going to really be something. Probably wont be an easy ride, but he sure shows signs of wanting to take steps forward. </p><p></p><p>Your post has made me think about dumping some baggage, so thanks for that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 533637, member: 12886"] Wow Suzir, you have lived some hard lessons, but I can do nothing but be impressed by how you have dealt/are dealing with it. Whether bio kids or adopted, we all choose to be family and to love, [I][B]or [/B][/I] not to connect and love. Sounds like your family made the decision to be a real family....made from love. Husband and Wife (or significant others) are not related yet are the most common definition of family, because they choose to commit to each other. I agree with Star, what a beautiful gift. My sister has two kids born from different fathers...one bio was African American (not in the picture at all) and second is mixed-Japanese/Swedish. Kids look nothing like my fair haired sister. They are full siblings, bro. is annoyed by and protective of his baby sister. She never even used his name till last year. Just called him 'brudder' all these years. Q is adopted, Hispanic/African American/Italian heritage, and the other three cousins are blond/reddish haired, fair skinned....but they are full cousins in their hearts. Would never say differently. Family is extra special when you choose to commit when there is not a bio connection (not diminishing the bond of a bio...I have bio parents afterall)....it is such a special opportunity. I love your husband's granny. Mine was similar. My dad's mom just loved her grandkids, and took on extras if need be. Everyone was welcome to the party! As my sister says, can't ever have too many people love our kids. I am certainly not saying there is reason to deny that there will be feelings and some hurt/confusion/wondering/whatever.... But you have been honest, and like many people who are in adoptive situations, you are giving him an open door. When he wants info, you have made it clear he can get it. At his own speed, in my humble opinion that was brilliant and sensitive. I hope you can more fully forgive yourself. I work on that for situations too and I am sure we all have stuff. Some more challenging than others I realize, but I think your difficult child was meant to be just as he is. For whatever reasons???? But he does sound like a great kid, and when thru these challenges I stand by my feeling that he is going to really be something. Probably wont be an easy ride, but he sure shows signs of wanting to take steps forward. Your post has made me think about dumping some baggage, so thanks for that. [/QUOTE]
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