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Showdown at the OK Corale
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 421809" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You are right, it is amazing progress. I look at difficult child 3 and also see great progress. He was a huge handful when a toddler, and continued to be difficult (although always improving) as he got old enough for school. Learning self-control was difficult, aggravated by bullying at school which was at its worst when he was about 8 to 10 years old. Whatever progress we made was undermined at school, although he did hold things together better at school than at home. He still raged in both places, his frustration was a big factor. Then he learned to not hit back but at a cost - he was not hitting back because he knew it was wrong, but because he felt he deserved the beatings he was getting, and if he fought back he would get more beatings. </p><p></p><p>When I look back I see how far he has come - his is miraculous.</p><p></p><p>But I also have to keep my perspective - he is 17 now and has to learn to live in the big wide world as his siblings have had to learn. And although he is amazing, he is nowhere near where he should be, compared to other kids his age. And THAT is what we are working on now - trying to identify where the gap is, between him and his peers, and trying to help him spackle the gap. because, sure as eggs, we can't leave things as they are.</p><p></p><p>I think that's what MWM has been trying to focus on - where your son is, not compared to how he was before, but compared to what society will expect of a child his age. And that is a hard one sometimes to identify, because we tend to submerge ourselves in our kids and to look at them comparatively requires us to step back and look at different things.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 421809, member: 1991"] You are right, it is amazing progress. I look at difficult child 3 and also see great progress. He was a huge handful when a toddler, and continued to be difficult (although always improving) as he got old enough for school. Learning self-control was difficult, aggravated by bullying at school which was at its worst when he was about 8 to 10 years old. Whatever progress we made was undermined at school, although he did hold things together better at school than at home. He still raged in both places, his frustration was a big factor. Then he learned to not hit back but at a cost - he was not hitting back because he knew it was wrong, but because he felt he deserved the beatings he was getting, and if he fought back he would get more beatings. When I look back I see how far he has come - his is miraculous. But I also have to keep my perspective - he is 17 now and has to learn to live in the big wide world as his siblings have had to learn. And although he is amazing, he is nowhere near where he should be, compared to other kids his age. And THAT is what we are working on now - trying to identify where the gap is, between him and his peers, and trying to help him spackle the gap. because, sure as eggs, we can't leave things as they are. I think that's what MWM has been trying to focus on - where your son is, not compared to how he was before, but compared to what society will expect of a child his age. And that is a hard one sometimes to identify, because we tend to submerge ourselves in our kids and to look at them comparatively requires us to step back and look at different things. Marg [/QUOTE]
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