Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Showdown at the OK Corale
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 422685" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>On the ADHD vs autism thing - just deal with what IS, for now. I was just trying to help you get a better picture of how and why it relates to J. I have no vested interest in him having one diagnosis over another. You're the one on the spot, not me. But I have experience with both, and like others here, can advise on the distinctions.</p><p></p><p>Don't push too hard about him not having tantrums. it is a learned skill, a difficult skill, for our kids. Especially as he is young. Where possible, where it is "no skin off your nose", let him have choice. Show him you are giving him choice. it is not the same as giving in. For example, it doesn't matter if you go this way or that way, as long as the destination is home. Unless, of course, the other way is miles longer!</p><p></p><p>A technique we were given which helped difficult child 3, was to reward him for each tantrum-free day. We had to define what constituted a tantrum - we decided that if he had to be sent to his room to calm down, then that was sufficient to not earn his reward for that day. And the rewards would accrue. Rewards once earned stay earned, and where possible are cashed in ASAP. And do not use material rewards, but instead reward him with a gift of your time, doing something with him that he loves. We had 15 minutes of me playing a Mario Party game with difficult child 3, for each tantrum-free day.</p><p>A tip - if he is beginning to throw a tantrum, do not say anything like, "Watch it! You are about to lose your reward for today!" or "There you go, serves you right, you lose your reward for screaming at me." Because ten it sounds too much like a punishment administered by you, instead of a reward earned impartially, for good behaviour.</p><p>Avoid punishment, but focus on catching him behaving well and rewarding the good behaviour. The bad behaviour? You can be disappointed, but try to control your own frustration and anger, do not express it.</p><p></p><p>The joke - it is a human nature demonstration. The husband has arrived home to find his wife is playfully hiding from him, wanting him to go find her. She won't come out, but keeps calling him to come find her. But when he announces that the gift he has for her is a very desirable one, she deliberately gives away where she is hiding to speed up the process so she can get her gift. </p><p>That is all there is to it, but it usually draws a smile from people.</p><p></p><p>Getting J to talk about his feelings - get a clock face, make one out of cardboard. Use a split pin to fasten an arrow hand onto it. Draw mood faces on it in the hour positions, label them and have each one showing a different mood. A simple one of these has only four moods in each quadrant. Happy, sad, angry, afraid. Encourage him to adjust the arrow to point to how he feels. If you like, do one for yourself too, and use it to show him how you are feeling. Use your own, not his.</p><p></p><p>A lot of what I have learned to do for difficult child 3's autism, are also useful techniques for ADHD. With some factors it's just a matter of degree. But some things your son will be handling well, while difficult child 3 at the same age did not. But he has caught up now in so many ways.</p><p></p><p>Self-esteem is a big problem (whatever the diagnosis). Watch for problems here. A low self-esteem can seriously aggravate the tantrums, too. </p><p></p><p>An important tip - you need to model for him, the behaviour you want from him. So how YOU behave towards him, will set the pattern for how he learns to behave towards you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 422685, member: 1991"] On the ADHD vs autism thing - just deal with what IS, for now. I was just trying to help you get a better picture of how and why it relates to J. I have no vested interest in him having one diagnosis over another. You're the one on the spot, not me. But I have experience with both, and like others here, can advise on the distinctions. Don't push too hard about him not having tantrums. it is a learned skill, a difficult skill, for our kids. Especially as he is young. Where possible, where it is "no skin off your nose", let him have choice. Show him you are giving him choice. it is not the same as giving in. For example, it doesn't matter if you go this way or that way, as long as the destination is home. Unless, of course, the other way is miles longer! A technique we were given which helped difficult child 3, was to reward him for each tantrum-free day. We had to define what constituted a tantrum - we decided that if he had to be sent to his room to calm down, then that was sufficient to not earn his reward for that day. And the rewards would accrue. Rewards once earned stay earned, and where possible are cashed in ASAP. And do not use material rewards, but instead reward him with a gift of your time, doing something with him that he loves. We had 15 minutes of me playing a Mario Party game with difficult child 3, for each tantrum-free day. A tip - if he is beginning to throw a tantrum, do not say anything like, "Watch it! You are about to lose your reward for today!" or "There you go, serves you right, you lose your reward for screaming at me." Because ten it sounds too much like a punishment administered by you, instead of a reward earned impartially, for good behaviour. Avoid punishment, but focus on catching him behaving well and rewarding the good behaviour. The bad behaviour? You can be disappointed, but try to control your own frustration and anger, do not express it. The joke - it is a human nature demonstration. The husband has arrived home to find his wife is playfully hiding from him, wanting him to go find her. She won't come out, but keeps calling him to come find her. But when he announces that the gift he has for her is a very desirable one, she deliberately gives away where she is hiding to speed up the process so she can get her gift. That is all there is to it, but it usually draws a smile from people. Getting J to talk about his feelings - get a clock face, make one out of cardboard. Use a split pin to fasten an arrow hand onto it. Draw mood faces on it in the hour positions, label them and have each one showing a different mood. A simple one of these has only four moods in each quadrant. Happy, sad, angry, afraid. Encourage him to adjust the arrow to point to how he feels. If you like, do one for yourself too, and use it to show him how you are feeling. Use your own, not his. A lot of what I have learned to do for difficult child 3's autism, are also useful techniques for ADHD. With some factors it's just a matter of degree. But some things your son will be handling well, while difficult child 3 at the same age did not. But he has caught up now in so many ways. Self-esteem is a big problem (whatever the diagnosis). Watch for problems here. A low self-esteem can seriously aggravate the tantrums, too. An important tip - you need to model for him, the behaviour you want from him. So how YOU behave towards him, will set the pattern for how he learns to behave towards you. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Showdown at the OK Corale
Top