Showering

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    How many parents here have Difficult Kids that refuse to shower? Ugh!! This is driving me up the wall! He will only shower twice a week, and even then we will have to remind him several times that he needs to shower, and he still complains about it. Several times he has asked to be able to use hair gel and to let his hair grow longer, but I have said no and told him that if he would be willing to wash his hair every day I would be willing to let him do these things. Last week he wanted me to hug him. I refused and told him that he stunk, but that I would be more than happy to hug him after he showered.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My autistic (high functioning) son was not difficult, but he did have some quirks and one was that he didn't see the need to be clean. His attitude, in his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) way was, "I'll just get dirty again anyway." We had to force him to shower, although now he tries to keep up his cleanliness better at age 2f...lol. Hey, that's autism for ya.

    Another reason would be depression. Yet another, that is mentioned in red flags for drug abuse, is...drug abuse. But these are kids who used to care about their hygiene and suddenly don't. Same with depression. More likely to be a different wiring in the brain if it has always been this way...such as autistic spectrum disorder.
     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    He's been drug tested a couple of times (when he's been hospitalized) and he always comes back clean (that's a bit of irony). This isn't something new, but now that he's almost 16 his unwillingness to be concerned about his hygiene has become more apparent to those of us who live with him.
     
  4. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Take into consideration that not everything that will get you high will show up on a drug test. Some of it leaves your system very quickly and some of it can be tested for but is VERY expensive therefore not done, K-2 for example. If this has been an ongoing thing for years, its probably a personality disorder. If its something new, probably drug use. Unfortunately there is no way to be sure, even if they are tested. Our son has always been resistant to hygiene but it got significantly worse after he started on drugs.
     
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Like I said, it's not new. Just getting more obvious as he's getting older.
     
  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Well, this is true. One thing I could NEVER get our son to understand was that just because you didn't do anything physical didn't mean you couldn't stink! Teenage boys naturally reek anyway!
     
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    That's exactly what I tell him: he's a teenaged boy and teenaged boys are naturally stinky!
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well... for neurotypical teen boys, that is true... only until they get attracted to girls.

    Unfortunately, even THAT doesn't move some of "our" kids.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Was he a late talker or is he just an unusual kid who doesn't fit in and has lots of social problems? Any obsessions, such as extremes about electronics or viodeogames (not within the range of normal interest). Does he know how to have a give and take conversation or does he mostly monologue or just answer "yeah" "no" and "I don't know" even with his peers. The most common disorder I know of that causes poor hygiene is autistic spectrum because the kids don't really care what others think of them and don't seriously want to date until they are much older (developmental delay.) My son likes girls, but has no interest in a girlfriend. Every time he starts to get close to one he tells me, "Naw, I know me. I wouldn't keep up with it." His better hygiene is due more to his job and just getting older. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) tends to improve with age, although the differently wired brains are still there. But they are usually very cool people.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's the norm that teenage boys don't care about hygiene. Most that have come to my house, and even Bart, have been VERY clean (worried about peer pressure and girls). There is a big difference between neurogypical boys and neurologically atypical boys...the latter not that interested in fitting in or dating...or else so clueless they don't know that hygiene matters to others. If a child lives in a clean family and in a neighborhood that clean people are valued, it is unusual for a normal child to ignore hygiene because the person knows it will cause social isolation and teasing and other grief.
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And then there are some of "our" kids who deliberately ignore their hygiene specifically because they don't want anyone around them.
     
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    MWM, I've been asking for years if this child falls on the autism spectrum! Everyone keep telling me no, but I'm not so sure about that. What could I possibly know? I'm just the mother. The therapist thinks personality disorder, but I don't think that's it. At least not all of it.
     
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son doesn't fit on the spectrum and we have a horrible time getting him to shower. I do think it has to do with his disabilities in understanding the need to shower. Her just doesn't care if he stinks. Sometimes he even fakes taking a shower. Of course, if he buys a new product then he is all about showering for about 3 days!
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist? We kept getting told our son had everything but Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), yet he had very obvious symptoms. Once he was seriously tested, it was obvious. Spectrm teens tend not to think how they look or smell is important. It's worth another diagnostic go at it if you haven't seen a neuropsychologist yet. Without ours, my son would not have made so much progress because he had so many wrong diagnosis. and did so poorly on the medications they kept cramming down his throat.
     
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I do agree a neuro-pscyh testing would be valuable. In our case it still turned out that our son is not on the spectrum. I think it is common not only for kids on the spectrum but with other disabilities as well.
     
  16. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I cannot take baths because there is no way to securely attach a handicapped rail to my tub or surround and with my knees I cannot get up or down in the tub.

    I can't take showers because the uplift pipe from the faucet to the showerhead needs replacing which requires ripping out a wall. I can't afford the repair.

    So, I take sponge baths and once a week or so, I get in the tub with my trusty pitcher, and take a "shower" by soaping up and dumping pitchers full of water over myself to rinse. I wash my hair ever other day in the kitchen sink.

    I HATE it!
     
  17. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Yes, we've been to a neuropsychologist, and they say no to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    MWM, I never answered an earlier question. Difficult Child did everything early - crawl, walk, talk, play appropriately. The only thing he did not do early was potty train, and with that I would say he was pretty much on time.

    Everyone agrees that he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) qualities, but that that does not necessarily place him on the spectrum.

    Ironically, he does very well on risperdal, which, I am told, is a mediation given to kids on the spectrum who have problems with aggression.
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yep. My son had "traits" listed at first. Wouldn't hurt to do some interventions for perhaps sensory integration disorder, which can make showering unpleasant.

    Funny thing about my son is that he had an incredibly sensitive sense of smell (as do I) and we can smell things others can't because they are far away. However, he either did not smell or did not care about the odor of his own clothes and body. Remember that clothes can be a major source of icky body odor. My son often had to be reminded to wash his clothes. Sometimes clothes can get so smelly you can't get the smell out. I learned that through this child and also through my athletic daughter. Man, those athletic clothes were smelly and impossible to get to smell good!!!!
     
  19. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I think that one of his problems is that he "forgets" to change his socks and underwear. Really? How can you forget that?
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You change those when you bath/shower. So... no shower, no need to change?

    I second looking into sensory integration / sensory processing problems. Occupational Therapist (OT) can test for that, and has interventions that help.
     
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