Sick Of Hearing The Same Sob Story

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Feb 24, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I am so sick of hearing how no one loves difficult child. No one cares about his feelings. No one takes his needs into account. If he would stop fighting with everyone he might actually see how much attention he really does get. I'm tired of listening to it. How much longer until I can ship this kid off to college? Even if it were tomorrow, it would not be soon enough.
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Bunny, so sorry you are having such a rough time. It can be so frustrating to constantly give love to someone who either can't or won't receive it. My difficult child is getting better about it, but there are still times I just want to pull my hair out and scream. I have learned to "over praise" her for things. Just thanking her for little things that for most kids are just expected. After dinner, I thanked her for bringing her dishes over without being asked. And, I have started asking her opinion on thinkgs like makeup. Which she loves to do. I have noticed that since I have been asking her opinion on something that is important to her, she has opened up some, and has been able to accept some of the praise and love we are giving her.

    And, if your sig. is right, you have about 5 years!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know your pain, and I am sorry you are dealing with this also. This was a big part of Wiz for a long time. One of the things that helped was when he started the "you don't love me" and the "you never do anything nice/fun/whatever with me" was when I pointed out what I did do.

    I would say things like, "Of course you don't have a brand new book in your hands, bought today, the day it was first sold anywhere ever, because I don't love you. I have NEVER taken you to a soccer game and cheered for you. In fact, you are walking around naked because I don't care enough to make sure you have warm clothes when it is cold out." I often reeled out four or five things that we had just done, eaten, purchased, cheered or otherwise engaged in just for him. It had a habit of opening his eyes, and if nothing else, it stymied him enough that he stopped talking. Some days that alone was more than enough to make me happy.

    I don't know if it would helpw ith your son or not. I did it out of sheer frustration and was rather surprised when the therapist and psychiatrist said it was an excellent thing to do. A few years later he went back to that koi, and I went into his room and boxed up everything that I had given him or bought for him or created for him. I told him that this is what his room would look like (almost completely empty) if I didn't love him, and if he EVER pulled that koi on me again, I would allow him to live that reality for a few weeks or months before I let him have the stuff that I gave to the child I love more than my own life. He could then make an informed decision on whether he wanted to live as though I didn't love him or if he wanted to stop the BS and admit that he knew dang well he was loved.

    It was a TOTAL shock to him, though I had been planning it for a couple of weeks.

    I can tolerate a lot. I don't give a hoot if they hate me because I made them do chores or homework or didn't buy every little thing their hearts desire. But not acknowledging that they are loved? Not okay with me, and sure as sugar not okay in my home.
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I hear you. I feel for you and I know I can't wait till my difficult child goes to college. Hang in there. If they can't understand that we love them by the simple fact they haven't been strangled by sheer frustration on our part from parenting them for so long, than I don't think they will ever get it. guh, and thats not a comforting thought. I think they really do know, its just another way to be gthe center of attention.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Thanks. In this instance, the problem started when easy child didn't want to play with difficult child. difficult child was bored and expects easy child to entertain him when boredom sets in. I tried to explain to difficult child that easy child spent a lot of the weekend with him, but that it's easy child's weekend, too, and he doesn't want to spend every waking minute of it entertaining difficult child. He didn't like hearing that at all. You see, in difficult child's world, we're all here to serve difficult child's needs 24/7. No one else matters.