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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 419509" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I am afraid I am not in a generous frame of mind right now myself. But repeated theft of expensive jewelry, repeated theft of money, entitled attitude, trying to keep you in-line by giving you just enough to get you off his back and then telling you he won't do more? He's already on probation and is still doing this stuff????</p><p></p><p>Search his room, preferably with a witness holding the video camera or at least a video camera. I agree that he is almost certainly stealing to support a drug habit and/or to finance dealing. Look inside socks, shoes, clothes, boxes, under/around/behind everything. All the way to the bottom of every drawer - turn them out is best and check the undersides of the drawers too. And the back of furniture. </p><p></p><p>Depending on what you find you may have no choice but to call probation because if you find serious drugs or evidence he's dealing or that he's stealing high value items from other people - you are doing him and yourself no favors not to report it before he gets back. In that case leave everything where it is because probation has the legal right to search his room and your entire house with that kind of issue. And you want them to be the ones to do it.</p><p></p><p>If you don't find anything that makes you call probation, then if your state law allows it in these circumstances I would kick him out today. You may want to call his attorney (public defender?) and ask him what the state law is regarding you kicking him out. The attorney is legally representing your son but he should be able to tell you that no problem. And you may want to consider telling the attorney what's up because he really deserves a heads up if this is about to turn into serious charges against his client. Your call.</p><p></p><p>I would pack the minimum of his stuff that he needs (clothes is really about it and maybe a skateboard for transportation) in sacks, put it outside the house and call and let him know you found the stolen jewelry and whatever else you found when you did the search. And tell him you had a witness/video camera and have a record of the items found.</p><p></p><p>Then I would tell him that you have decided you will not tell probation about it. Yet. But you have decided that he may no longer live in your home and you will no longer be a source of financial support.</p><p></p><p>If he threatens you, damages your property, steals things that are outside in the yard (hope you keep your car locked and garaged in a locked space), then you will call probation or the police if he is threatening you in person or you catch him in the act of stealing/vandalism.</p><p></p><p>It is his problem to find a place to stay tonight and a way to pick up his things which you have placed outdoors for him to pick up. You are not picking him up from the airport. That's his problem too.</p><p></p><p>While it is likely he has a drug problem, he has not hit bottom by a long shot and so I would not make any offer to pay for drug treatment for him at this point. You can hold that offer (if you are able/willing) for the time when you judge him to be ready for that step.</p><p></p><p>If you are not able to kick him out today then you will have a big problem once you have searched his room. Because there is no way he is not going to know that you did it. And he will be very angry and very possibly very dangerous.</p><p></p><p>You will need to take steps to secure everything from him - credit cards/statements, valuables, car keys, house keys, all medications including OTC - before he returns home or within a few hours of his return if you really have no choice but to let him stay. Locks on bedroom doors may or may not keep him out.</p><p></p><p>So, the hard choice if you cannot legally make him leave today is probably to call probation and tell them you want to report the theft of the jewelry and that you strongly suspect he is using and that's why he's stealing from you.</p><p></p><p>Because he can destroy your life and his own very quickly and very easily in my opinion. And is almost certainly likely to try out of anger and screwed up thinking that is made even worse by drug use.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs. so sorry. It's good that you are facing it head on now. You are right to be fearful for his future - and to recognize that he is willing to sacrifice your well-being to meet his "needs" of the moment.</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 419509, member: 7948"] I am afraid I am not in a generous frame of mind right now myself. But repeated theft of expensive jewelry, repeated theft of money, entitled attitude, trying to keep you in-line by giving you just enough to get you off his back and then telling you he won't do more? He's already on probation and is still doing this stuff???? Search his room, preferably with a witness holding the video camera or at least a video camera. I agree that he is almost certainly stealing to support a drug habit and/or to finance dealing. Look inside socks, shoes, clothes, boxes, under/around/behind everything. All the way to the bottom of every drawer - turn them out is best and check the undersides of the drawers too. And the back of furniture. Depending on what you find you may have no choice but to call probation because if you find serious drugs or evidence he's dealing or that he's stealing high value items from other people - you are doing him and yourself no favors not to report it before he gets back. In that case leave everything where it is because probation has the legal right to search his room and your entire house with that kind of issue. And you want them to be the ones to do it. If you don't find anything that makes you call probation, then if your state law allows it in these circumstances I would kick him out today. You may want to call his attorney (public defender?) and ask him what the state law is regarding you kicking him out. The attorney is legally representing your son but he should be able to tell you that no problem. And you may want to consider telling the attorney what's up because he really deserves a heads up if this is about to turn into serious charges against his client. Your call. I would pack the minimum of his stuff that he needs (clothes is really about it and maybe a skateboard for transportation) in sacks, put it outside the house and call and let him know you found the stolen jewelry and whatever else you found when you did the search. And tell him you had a witness/video camera and have a record of the items found. Then I would tell him that you have decided you will not tell probation about it. Yet. But you have decided that he may no longer live in your home and you will no longer be a source of financial support. If he threatens you, damages your property, steals things that are outside in the yard (hope you keep your car locked and garaged in a locked space), then you will call probation or the police if he is threatening you in person or you catch him in the act of stealing/vandalism. It is his problem to find a place to stay tonight and a way to pick up his things which you have placed outdoors for him to pick up. You are not picking him up from the airport. That's his problem too. While it is likely he has a drug problem, he has not hit bottom by a long shot and so I would not make any offer to pay for drug treatment for him at this point. You can hold that offer (if you are able/willing) for the time when you judge him to be ready for that step. If you are not able to kick him out today then you will have a big problem once you have searched his room. Because there is no way he is not going to know that you did it. And he will be very angry and very possibly very dangerous. You will need to take steps to secure everything from him - credit cards/statements, valuables, car keys, house keys, all medications including OTC - before he returns home or within a few hours of his return if you really have no choice but to let him stay. Locks on bedroom doors may or may not keep him out. So, the hard choice if you cannot legally make him leave today is probably to call probation and tell them you want to report the theft of the jewelry and that you strongly suspect he is using and that's why he's stealing from you. Because he can destroy your life and his own very quickly and very easily in my opinion. And is almost certainly likely to try out of anger and screwed up thinking that is made even worse by drug use. Many hugs. so sorry. It's good that you are facing it head on now. You are right to be fearful for his future - and to recognize that he is willing to sacrifice your well-being to meet his "needs" of the moment. Patricia [/QUOTE]
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