Sigh....difficult child's never go away - they find difficult child partners!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    My life was settling into a reasonable pattern of less stress....

    Then about a month ago, Ant has pictures on his facebook of his new girlfriend. They met at a party and left as boyfriend/girlfriend. (possible little red flag there). Then last weekend, Ant calls to say he's going to propose to her. This is fast, but this is also Ant, they'll have a 20 year long engagement, no big deal. On Monday, he's posting about how he needs a DJ for Jan because he's getting married then. (breathe...) When I ask how her parents feel about this, they are out of her life. (Anyone missing a female difficult child?)

    So, the girl is getting ready to turn 23. She has 22 month old twin girls, their Dad is a jerk (according to her comments on FB). She annouced yesterday that she is quitting her job and staying home with the girls.

    They plan to pay for their own wedding but want a "high end" wedding. Ant...MY Ant?... is going to pay for this? My Ant? The one that hasn't taken care of the bills that went to collection in our state? My Ant? The one who didn't pay his speeding ticket in OR which is about to go to collection? My Ant? The one that never finished paying his friend for the truck he bought - that he rolled so he figured he didn't have to finish paying of it? MY Ant? The one that bought a car from his sister and never paid a penny on it nor returned it when he decided he didn't want it anymore? Oh this is going to work out so well!!

    So, next Sunday they are coming up to visit for a couple of days. So I can meet her and her kids and help plan her wedding. This should be interesting...especially since last I heard, neither had a car. Maybe the cardealer Ant works for will give him a loaner. LOL. Oh, and unless Ant has really changed all of sudden, his pattern for visiting is to stop by and say hi then disappear to bars/parties with his friends until it's time to go home and he needs gas money to get home. When I mentioned to husband that we are NOT babysitting kids we just met - he wants to know why not? We should get to know our new grandkids! :slap:

    Anyone know of a place I can hide until Feb!
     
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh dear!

    My guess is that they expect YOU to help fund the big event. After all - girlfriend's parents are out of the picture, she is unemployed, and Ant...well, is Ant.

    Should be a fun visit - NOT!
     
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Yikes! I have no words. Hugs DDD
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Of what year?
     
  5. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I really hope that Ant has found "the one" and they have 50+ wonderful years together. I really do. I get the fast part. My parents met on a blind date in the middle of May and were married 14 weeks later. They are days away from their 55th anniversary. I knew that husband was "the one" in the first month or so. But, with husband and I, we had kids involved. Our first date was a 6 hour interview! And I mean a true interview...here's my life story, here's how I feel about X, Y, and Z. We didn't want to make any mistakes.

    Ant and B have been living together with Ant playing "Dad" to the girls from the begining. And my Ant is a dreamer. Life will be perfect when..... And, his self-centeredness is still there. He announced yesterday that they will be married on the 4th of Jan. He wants easy child to be his best man but doesn't check to see if easy child can get off of work to travel home. (Oh, that is another thing! easy child and KJ have been planning since May to come here this winter to get engaged so that we can celebrate that here since they will be getting married in MN) easy child and KJ are concerned that if they get engaged around Ant's wedding that it might take away from Ant's day.

    Insane..... how about the year 2030.
     
  6. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    No missing difficult child here....but oh boy this visit should be interesting. Hugs and if you go into hiding until Feb, at least check in on the board!!
     
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I wonder how your Ant would take it if you and husband were to act as though you are thrilled for him?

    I totally get your wanting to run away. But it might be better if you and husband appear confident that they can make this work with all of the necessary sacrifices they will need to make for each other and the kids.
    Could at least give difficult child pause to "rethink" this alittle bit.

    LMS
     
  8. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    LMS, We are supporting Ant. We really do hope that this will be the best thing for Ant. And we are willing to help make this a very nice wedding, within our budget!

    From what I can tell, they really do seem to be in love. I think my issue is too many years with difficult children. B posted on her FB page:

    "It's really sad that the only family I have are the ones I DID NOT grow up with. The family I did grow up with only tolerates me and talks to me when it's convenient for them. It's really starting to just be stupid. Something amazing is happening in my life and they don't care because it has nothing to do with them. It's pathetic"

    Before difficult children - this would of tore my heart out and I'd of been there 110%. But, after difficult children and what we went through - I know that there are 2 sides of this story. I am sure that both of my difficult children have had simular stuff to say about husband and I.

    I think I just need a place to let off steam and concern without putting it out for Ant. I know that boy. If I have anything negative to say, he will ignore any flags that do come up because it would be agreeing with me.
     
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Holy cow! He has been living there? With 2 little ones?

    Hold on for this ride!
     
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