Sigh-easy child's depression

[Wiped Out]

easy child has continued to struggle with her depression. She sleeps a lot and rarely communicates with anyone. She skips meals and is often hermit like. We rarely see a smile on her face. She doesn't seem to get excited about anything. We have switched her Fluoxetene to the generic of Zoloft and hope to see some improvement.

Meanwhile she is failing two classes. We found out today if she does fail the classes her out of district transfer will be revoked. If you had told me this a week ago I would have thought it a good thing. It would be a natural consequence.

Then yesterday we found out she has again been the victim of some nasty rumors. Her supposed boyfriend (I think easy child is finally seeing her for who she is) has been the one making up the lies. easy child is really struggling with this as she doesn't understand why a "friend" would do this. husband said easy child shared a lot with him yesterday and was crying.

husband told her she needs to stand up for herself and letting her grades go down isn't helping. He told her she needs to hang out with the couple of kids she has that seem to truly care about her. She told husband that tomorrow she plans on standing up to her friend. I'm not sure exactly what that means. It's good she has one good friend (who is a boy but just a friend) that is going to be with her when she does this.

I feel torn about the possibility of the transfer being revoked. It's a good life lesson yet she is so depressed and being away from the few friends she has left may really send her into a downward spiral. At the same time we do not want her thinking it is o.k. to use her depression as an excuse for not doing homework.

Hopefully the threat of having her transfer revoked will help her to start doing her work. She says she has been doing more of it lately.

I sure wish I knew the right way to handle this. Do we advocate for school to give her another chance (I'm not sure there is enough time for her to bring her grades up this quarter stil)? Let her learn the hard way? I have been losing so much sleep lately worrying about her.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, that is so hard.

It's a hard age anyway, but this makes it so much harder.

Kids can be so cruel. All I can say is that the "friend" is insecure and jealous. It makes me so mad, I'm glad I'm not in your shoes because I'd haul off and do something stupid.

I've got my fingers crossed for your easy child tomorrow.

 

[Jena]

Sharon

I"m so sorry she is feeling this way and you are having to go through this right now. I know it can be very very hard deciding what the "right" thing is to do.

The only advice i can offer is an experience i had with easy child that is several years ago she was beginning to fail, etc. similar situation (yet getting into trouble alot as well), long story short she was "removed" from the school she was in a gifted program (she used to be an A student...way way back when ) anyhow, once removed there was a school she could attend in our old neighborhood, another option. School wasn't great, her friends werent' there and whta did i do i moved her away to a different school, and neighborhood.

I have lived to regret that choice, I should of let her face the consequences of it all and go to the school in which she did not want to. If I had just done that maybe things now would be different. Yet one thing I have noticed is besides punishments on my end i have never once allowed her to "face" the true consequences of her actions.

Just my thoughts.......... i wish you luck with your decision.


(((hugs)))

 

[klmno]

This is tough- on you as well as her. Depression can be so paralyzing and for some reason that I don't understand, I have seen and heard of more people being depressed lately than I ever have at one single period of time.

I don't have any advice or answers- I just wanted to offer support and a shoulder to lean on...

 

[flutterbee]

I'm sorry she's still struggling so much. I was about her age when I started having major depressive episodes - a little younger when they started. My junior year, I missed a total of 6 weeks of school in one semester. Not all together, but a couple of days a week. Fortunately, I managed to get nothing lower than a C, but they didn't assign as much homework then as they do today; nor did they cover as much material so quickly. It wasn't as hard to get caught up.

Does the school know what's going on? Anyway to get an intervention team together? I'm thinking that might be a good first step rather than an IEP since you don't know how long this will go on. Most schools will do the intervention team and if that is not successful will evaluate for an IEP. I'm sure as a teacher you know this. Or maybe therapeutic day school might be a good idea for a short while - 6 weeks like smallworld's son, maybe.

She sounds like she's slipping further and further and that just makes it harder to come out of. I really think it's time to pull out all the stops. In a depressed state such as this, natural consequences may just push her over the edge.

The way I explain it - the way it was for me....it was like I was struggling every day just to keep my head above water. I was in full survival mode and I couldn't handle anything else. It took absolutely everything I had just to get through the day. I was doing the absolute best I could, but my best at that time really sucked. So, when something else happened, it pushed me over the edge. I ended up in a psychotic depression and I ended up in the psychiatric hospital twice in less than 6 months. I remember telling my friends that I couldn't do this anymore. And my friends saying, but you have to; you have kids. And me saying, it doesn't matter if I have to; I can't. It wasn't that I didn't want to; I didn't want to be like this. It was that the depression had taken over my life and I couldn't cope for one more day. I struggled to get through the next second, the next minute, the next hour. Until I couldn't anymore. The depression was oppressive and all consuming.

I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just trying to show you how serious it can become and it sounds like easy child is heading in that direction. It can easily become something she can no longer control on her own even with medications.

((((hugs))) for you and for easy child.

 

[Andy]

I hope tomorrow goes well for her in her confrontation of the "friend". It is important for kids to take a stand when someone is doing them wrong. If she has the strength to do this right, to stand up for herself without a personal attack against this other kid, it will be such a self esteem boost. She needs to send the message loud and clear that friends don't treat friends that way and she refuses to be part of that behavior.

I would ask her to work extra hard to do what she can with those grades. If she shows remarkable improvement and an effort to continue to do better, the school may allow her to stay. If she does show improvement and the school still revokes the placement, you can then decide to appeal or not at that time. So, if you are not sure, work toward her staying. That will give you a little more time to feel this out.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thanks everyone. I too am hoping she does well with confronting her friend. husband told her to make sure she doesn't become insulting while she does it so hopefully it will help her to get this out. I'm not good at confrontations but I think it's important for her to do this.

Heather-Thanks for sharing. husband has contacted the school. He has emailed teachers, counselors, and school psychologist. She has been talking some this year with the psychologist. I wonder if maybe we will need to have a meeting with everyone. I never really thought about an iep. She has been dealing with depression for about 2 1/2 years. Only this year definitely seems to be the worst. I don't know a lot of her birthmom's history so don't know if there is depression there or not.

I do worry that the natural consequences could push her over the edge. I'm hoping she gets to stay but she is going to have to do her part. On a small positive note she at least believes she can pull her grades up. I hope she does!

 

[timer lady]

Sharon, I'm so sorry that easy child has sunken so low into depression.
Friend issues can take our kids down faster than anything else I know.

As for the natural consequence, we are in the same position with kt. Her placement may change back to day treatment. We are telling kt that it isn't a "failure" for her. She needs the extra support right now. It's more of a move to the right not backwards.

I'm not sure if that's appropriate for your easy child but it's the line we are using with kt who is freaked over the possibility of heading back to day treatment.

((((hugs to you, husband & easy child)))) this morning. I hope all works out when easy child has her discussion with her friend.