Sigh...it still stings...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Jul 20, 2010.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well my son has been out of the house for 5 weeks now. That has been a good thing for my husband, daughter and I. We know he is staying with a friend and we here from him when he needs something. The dad where he is staying keeps in touch with us. We had planned a really nice vacation this summer originally for the 4 of us. At first we hoped that somehow he would make some major shift and maybe still come with us. Last week we came to the conclusion that would not happen and that if he came the whole thing would be one big disaster. He would have trouble coming because he has a court date after we leave anyways. Anyway we told him that with the way things are between us it was not the time for a family vacation so that he would not be coming. That we hoped sometime in the future to take him on vacation. He totally seemed to get it, seemed kind of relieved and was very calm and ok about it. Maybe he was high at the time and so it didn't phase him I don't know.
    Recently he friended my daughter on FB. So today I asked to see his FB page because he certainly does not have me as a friend. Well he recently put up this awful nasty post about how we cut him out of the vacaction. He said I know mom is readign this so F U (written out in caps of course) and you are a *****.
    Ugh. It stung. I hate the fact that many family members he has as friends will see it. And it is his own doing... all it does is show that we did the right thing by kicking him out.
    At the same time it is a sign that he is hurting. I know he has to find his own way right now and he has never done it the easy way. I know that is going to involve pain.... but somehow when he hurts I still hurt too.
    And I also know there is nothing I can or should do about it. My daughter unfriended him because she doesn't want someone as a friend who speaks that way about her parents. Good decision on her part. I am not responding at all. I am letting it be.
    But it still stings.
     
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. I hope that your daughter won't be the only one to unfriend him. It put her in a terrible position and was thoughtless of her feelings. Perhaps someone will comment appropriately.
     
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    For me, it is painful that the family vactions are no longer possible. I work daily on detatchment and acceptance. I get support from Al-anon, FA, CABF, this site, and therapists. Compassion
     
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand re the vacations. I still remember the [first] year I told Oldest she couldn't come with us. She was hurt, but I had a much less stressful week at the beach.

    The FB drama... pfffft .. good for your daughter for unfriending him. I know it hurts, but in truth it only makes him look bad, no one else.

    Hugs.
     
  5. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yeah, it does still sting, even though you know you're doing what's best for you and your family. I hope you enjoy your vacation. :)
     
  6. maril

    maril New Member

    "I know he has to find his own way right now and he has never done it the easy way. I know that is going to involve pain.... but somehow when he hurts I still hurt too.
    And I also know there is nothing I can or should do about it."


    Oh, I do understand it still stings but it is significant that you all are moving forward with your lives and (helping him by) having him face consequences for his actions; some similarities to what we are dealing with, as far as my son's current choices and maturity level go.

    The FB thing - mine posts "uglies," too, and I do believe he has forgotten (?) I am one of his friends, as well as other family members. I sometimes wonder, what the heck is he thinking? :surprise: Anyway, one of our young family members replies to the posts and publicly admonishes difficult child for using vulgar language.
     
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