This is truly something I could only come to this board with. Let me go back 21 years. I was living with Copper's father (J) and getting ready to graduate highschool. I was partying it up because I was 18 and out on my own, and I had the world in the palm of my hand. He and I broke up right around the end of April (so literally almost 21 years ago exactly) and I went to stay with some friends. Being a difficult child in my own right, the partying did not stop. And I started seeing another guy, K, but only for a couple weeks. I hooked up a few more times with J; at my graduation party and shortly thereafter. In July I found out I was pregnant. When the doctor gave me the gestation information, I calculated conception to the exact day, and it was the day of my graduation party. I had been with K about 3 or 4 weeks before that, but far enough away that it could not have been him. With every doctor's visit, he did another measurement and reaffirmed how far along I was, and it kept going back to that night with J. He knew I was pregnant, he knew it was his. He wanted nothing to do with it. We broke it off for good. So Copper was born and I did the best I could. When she was about 4 she started asking about her father. I told her that I did not know where he was. I had never gone after him for child support or anything. She was satisfied with that. One day when she was about 8, and I had a job as a skip tracer, I ran his name for kicks, and I located him. So I gave him a call. We talked a long time. I discovered that he had since married and had another girl and a boy. I told him all about Copper. He and I met for dinner and discussed the possibility of him meeting her. We each brought pictures of the kids. I was tickled at how much his son looked like Copper did at his age. Then we had another dinner, this one my mom and his wife attended as well. We wanted all bases covered. So we finally brought them together. Copper was ecstatic. She not only had her father, but siblings too. She got to see him for about 6 months, and then he and his wife separated. Suddenly, when I called him to tell him about a winter program that Copper was going to be in, he announced that he was too busy to be Copper's dad anymore. He stopped answering the phone. His wife stopped answering the phone. Copper was so crushed, and it broke my heart. This was precisely what we were trying to avoid, but it happened anyways. He came into her life, and then left it. She spent almost the rest of her childhood in therapy over it. She became promiscuous rather young, probably looking to fill the void that her father left. She became insanely jealous when Tink was born; not so much jealous of Tink but more jealous that Tink had her daddy there. And she was 13 at the time. She'd ask me "why didn't you try to stay with my dad?" I did not have the heart to tell her that he wanted nothing more to do with me when he found out I was pregnant. I told her we broke up before I knew I was pregnant. So when Tink was 2, and I left Matt, I was going through some old pictures. I noticed that Copper had been on the chunky side when she was 8-9 years old, but she slimmed out nicely. A rare thing in our family; we dagos are nothing but a bunch of big boobs and big butts. I was noting that Copper actually resembled my mom moreso that even myself, and I found that interesting. Than I ran across a picture of K, and my blood turned to ice. Same long thin face. Same olive complexion. Same hazel eyes. Same golden brown hair. She didn't really LOOK like him, but she certainly RESEMBLED him. Could I have been wrong all this time? I mean, I never thought she looked like J, but neither did his other kids, really. J had a very distinct face. His eyes were pretty close-set together, and one was half green and half brown. He had a very strong nose, and only his other daughter inherited that. A few months later, I got clean for the last time (so, about 4 1/2 years ago) and a few months into that I did my fourth step. For those of you not in the know, that is where you take an inventory of yourself and tell somebody. So I told my sponsor, hey, my kid is going on 17, and all of a sudden, I'm not sure if the person that I have thought all along was her father, is her father. What do I do? She told me that if she were a young child, it would be different, but considering her age, it would be best to let sleeping dogs lie. And so I did. Now today I got a phone call from my brother. He called to tell me that he got a phone call from a gal that we went to highschool with. She just called him out of the blue. It seems that for the past couple years, she had been in a platonic roommate situation with K, and according to her, he has spent the past 20 years wondering if the "kid that he heard that BBK had in 1988 was his". I am struggling so hard with this that my heart hurts. Do I pass the message back that no, it's not your kid, and just leave things as they are? I mean, I really counted over and over when I went to the doctor. At least that is what my memory is telling me. I SO remember there being no doubt in my mind that it was J's baby. Or do I potentially ruin THREE people's lives? What if she is K's daughter? All this time I have wondered how J sleeps at night. How do I know if he does? Maybe this is killing him. Could you imagine if he then hears oops, guess what, not your kid? How would I make something like that up to K? Yeah, she is your kid, sorry you missed out on her whole childhood? Most importantly, how on EARTH would I make something like this up to Copper? Is it even up to me to make this decision? I'm not God. I don't want to pretend to be God. If you have stuck with me this far, bless you. I don't know how I will sleep tonight, my insides are doing a dance, and I am ready to cry any second. Any advice, words of wisdom, BTDTs, suggestions would be appreciated.