I decided to join to find support, a few days ago my family and I found out that my 14 year old sister has Oppositional Defiance Disorder and it's great to finally find other people I can relate to. I'm not the mother, not the parent but I suffer just as much, the whole family does. I'm 21 years old young woman with a 24 year old sister and a 14 year old sister who has had explosive anger problems since she was very little. I personally have suffered from depression all my life since very little and also social anxiety, my mom does too, I take after her a lot. My dad, older sister and little sister are the ones who act the most "dominant", the most who start fights and arguments while my mom and I are mostly the doormats who have to take others' anger. What to say, the whole family has problems and couldn't be any more broken. My dad has anger problems, he has always awarded my little sister's anger and violent behavior "because she reminds him of himself". My mom is 51 years old and all her life she's suffered from emotional/physical/sexual/verbal abuse from her family (both my mom's and dad's families have a long history of emotional/physical/sexual abuse) and her own husband (our dad) has been emotionally abusive and controlling all 29 years of marriage so my mom has always been very unhappy and depressed, no friends at all, my dad never let her have friends or let her work or anything, my dad was very controlling and even now they can't stand each other but just try to put up with each other because my mom has nowhere else to go if she divorces. Everyone has their problems, my dad and little sister have their anger problems and my mom and I have our depression/social anxiety problems, we don't have friends or support, we're scared of the outside world, interacting with strangers and doing things on our own, instead we hide at home and always feel stuck and trapped and miserable. My older sister is the most "normal" she goes to college and has worked a low-wage job since she was 17, she's hardworking and confident and she's the most normal but she still has those days of yelling when she shouldn't. The biggest problem we have as a family is my little sister who we just found out has Oppositional Defiance Disorder (we knew she had a problem, we just didn't know how to call it). I've been reading posts here and I can relate to so many things, I can relate to how exhausting and distressing it is living day in and day out with a child so full of anger and hatred, filling us with fear, having to be quiet or else she'll grab a knife and threaten to kill us all, having to call the police only for our sister to act like WE'RE the problem. It really is exhausting and I would really love to find support. I'm just her sister but I'm just as deeply affected by her behavior as if I was her own mother, even though I'm 21 I do have depression and anxiety and because of that I've tried and failed at learning how to drive, tried and failed at going to college, tried and failed at getting a job, I struggle with the simplest things and I don't even have support from my own family since we all have problems. I just don't know how to be independent, it's a struggle for me so I'm literally STUCK in this hell hole of a house where EVERYONE is miserable, everyone. Often I feel like I'm the only sane person in the house because EVERYONE has their anger problems one day or another, EVERYONE fights amongst each other, EVERYONE argues and NOBODY ever listens to each other. There honestly is no good communication in my family, even my parents don't know how to communicate at all, there is always yelling and hostility among my 2 sisters or parents. I often feel like I'm the only sane person here because I literally have the patience of a saint, I don't know how I do it but I'm always patient, I'm a pacifist, I don't see the point in making things worse by yelling back or fighting with anyone. I always act like the "family counselor" trying to give my own family members advice and I always listen listen listen to everyone's problems and I try to see everyone's perspective on things. It affects me badly though, all the fighting all the time, not just with my little sister but with my dad as well. He's always working so he's rarely at home but even on the phone, he's yelling and when he comes home he just makes everything worse. He always blames my mom and makes her cry even when it's obvious that nothing is her fault, my dad can sometimes have this sadistic side to him where it's almost like he enjoys making my mom cry. My mom really has no support and I feel for her, I really wish she had support from other mothers that can understand her and talk with her. She only knows a bit of English though, her first language is Spanish but I really think it would be a miracle if she had someone to at least talk to and relate with her. I've tried searching for forums like this in Spanish but I couldn't find any. Do any of you know Spanish? It would be wonderful if she could find someone who to talk to who can relate to her. We are always distressed because of my little sister, she is becoming more and more out of control. Even when she was very very little, she always had explosive anger, she was always filled with hatred even though my parents have treated her more lenient than they treated me and my older sister. My parents, especially my dad (he's the one with the money, the one who acts like the only authority in the house, he treats my own mother like her opinions don't matter, he treats my own mother like her authority doesn't matter) always treated my little sister with a lot more freedom, he would let her go to friend's houses and have sleep-overs and go camping and go to trips and have many toys, he spoils my little sister rotten with ANYTHING she wants no matter how expensive. Even with my little sister's nasty behavior, she insults, she punches, she disrespects and acts violent and yet my dad awards her to "shut her up", he buys her anything she wants and not only that, he actually DEFENDS my little sister's defiant behavior and instead argues with my mom and blames everything on my mom. My little sister treats my mom the worst, my little sister has literally chased my mom with a knife before, I can't count how many times my little sister has threatened to kill my mom or how many times she's made my mom cry, I can't count how many times my little sister has hurt my mom and insulted her and made her life a living hell and yet whenever my mom tells anything to my dad, my dad immediately blames my mom for everything and AWARDS my little sister, again maybe it's that abusive side of him that loves to hurt my mom as well? I don't know but it's the same with me and my older sister, whenever we tell my dad about my little sister's violence my dad ALWAYS defends her, ALWAYS turns it all against US and honestly my dad does not make these problems any easier to deal with! Just today, it's my mom's birthday and she has spent all day crying. My dad has been away all day, my little sister was cooking herself some food and the moment my mom woke up, my little sister had a plate accidentally fall on her own foot and my little sister started SCREAMING at the top of her voice, SCREAMING AND SCREAMING, it sounded as if she was screaming because her foot had been chopped off! She screamed as if someone was killing her, it was very distressing TO ME just hearing that...but no, she was fine! Yes a plate fell on her foot and it HURT and she got a bruise but she was fine, my little sister IS FINE and yet that's when hell broke loose. She screamed and screamed, my mom quickly went to help her, as my mom was helping her with her foot, my little sister was throwing insults at my mom but my mom continued helping her. A few minutes after, the pain was gone and my little sister continued yelling to be taken to a doctor when all she had was a simple bruise, she started demanding to be taken to the doctor, demanding here and now when my older sister was just getting ready to go to work. My little sister got angry that my other sister was going to work and said,"NO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WORK TODAY!" and she RAN to the bathroom to not let my older sister use it to get ready for work! My little sister was causing drama for no reason but to cause drama! She always does that! More drama, drama, drama, yelling yelling yelling, after several minutes my little sister came out and was still yelling that,"NOBODY GIVES ME THANKS FOR COOKING" she started yelling at my mom for supposedly not giving her thanks for cooking when again my mom JUST WOKE UP the moment my little sister started her drama about her foot and there was no time to give thanks before my mom was already helping my sister with her foot, why didn't my little sister give my mom thanks? No instead my little sister insults my mom and yet still demands "thanks". A few minutes after my little sister grabbed a hair spray and threw it at my mom, hitting her and making her cry. :/ All day my little sister is just explosive, volatile, assaulting everyone with insults and violence, we can't take it anymore. We literally cannot say a simple thing before she explodes with rage. I feel awful for my mom because today was her birthday and ALL MY MOTHER WANTED was peace and quiet for once, that's all she wanted for her birthday, some peace and quiet and she had such a miserable day today crying because my little sister just wouldn't stop attacking her with insults and of course when my mom called my dad to explain everything, my dad made it all worse blaming it all on my mom. *sigh* We literally live every single day like this and worse, any little innocent thing makes my little sister explode with rage, even something as innocent as the dog wagging it's tail makes her angry! I kid you not, my little sister will wake up and our dog will wag her tail and greet her and my sister will go,"GO AWAY I'LL KILL YOU" and try to kick the dog! Only for a few minutes to pass and she acts normal going,"Aww doggy!". We're currently taking care of a kitten that my sister found on the street and the kitten pooped and that alone made my little sister rage and go,"WHERE'S THE CAT I'M GOING TO KILL IT!" literally searching the house for the kitten! We can't live like this! This is too chaotic, too distressing, living in a house like this is toxic and kills our souls, it's soul-shattering, it's exhausting, it's stressful, I can't deal with this, my mom can't deal with this, nobody can deal with all this drama every single day of our lives. It has always been like this, day in and day out, nothing ever changing...back in 2005, we tried family therapy because I begged them all but nobody took it seriously. Again we're trying but it's a slow process, I wish we had family therapy or psychologist appointments 2 times a week or something but no, my parents are sort of anti-help in their own ways, my mom doesn't seek much help because of her anxiety and fear of approaching people and my dad always makes excuses that he's busy and even when we BEG for a psychologist or some type of help, he just ignores us but hopefully we'll start getting some family therapy help, even if it's something like once a month. :/ It's so tiring, it's so exhausting, it's mind-numbing, disastrous, soul-crushing, it's literally a hell-hole living in this house! I really cannot take this and I need support, my mom needs support, we need support. Some of the problems I noticed is that my little sister does not care how badly she affects us all, she honestly doesn't care. She hates us, she hates her family when there is no reason to, she is filled with hatred and she doesn't care how badly we're affected by her anger. She will insult us, yell at us, make us cry, make us have an emotional break down from all the anxiety and she is NEVER EVER sorry, in all her life, she has not once apologized for how badly she affects us. She is never sorry, if she sees one of us cry, she'll just get ANGRIER and insult us even more. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself, she literally acts like she is the princess of all the world, like even police have to bow down to her. Like one of the police told us a few days ago,"She acts like it's all a game but it isn't" it's true. I even had a dream about it, I had a dream where we were in the kitchen and the floor was slippery wet and my little sister was playing with a huge knife and I was trying to take the knife away from her and she kept almost stabbing me in the face and yet she kept laughing and laughing treating it all as a game and I tried to tell her,"This isn't a game!" and yet my voice disappeared in my dream, I was so upset and I tried telling her that all of this isn't a mind game and yet I couldn't speak and she kept laughing. A few days later that dream almost came true, my mom had just mopped the floor minutes before my little sister decided to grab a knife to threaten us with because she got "annoyed" at us. Fortunately the floor had dried so nothing slipped and fortunately my little sister didn't actually stab anyone but we did have to call the police and the cop did tell us that my little sister acts like this is all a game and it's true, it's the exact same message from my dream, that my little sister acts like this is all A GAME and she doesn't care how much we're being emotionally affected. Some of my little sister's problems are that she feels no remorse, she never feels sorry for upsetting us and she can't control her anger. She will explode with rage, grab a knife, threaten to kill us or she'll grab an object and bruise someone or cause major fear with her violence, make us cry, make me tremble with complete anxiety and panic and yet minutes after she will suddenly act like everything is normal, just minutes after she will act cheerful and talk to us as if she never got angry in the first place. That's something we've all noticed that for example, she will yell and insult and disrespect and threaten and act completely wild with rage filling us with pure TERROR and we are SHAKEN WITH TERROR only for a few minutes to pass and she acts cheerful and normal, talking to us normally and all we can do is keep quiet and listen to her and hide our anxiety/terror because if we said,"I still feel affected by how you acted"...that will only cause her to explode with anger again. I hope I make sense but it's like we always have to listen listen listen to everything she wants to say and even when she affects us badly and we're crying and shaking with terror, she will "calm down" and act cheerful like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED and she will continue talking to us as if NOTHING EVER HAPPENED and for example even when I'm still shaking with terror, shaking or crying...she is suddenly talking to me about cartoons or something and I have to act "unaffected" or else if I tell her,"Leave me alone, I'm upset by your behavior" or "Leave me alone, you made me cry."...or anything like that, she just doesn't care and she will only get angry again, she feels no apology, she never feels sorry for how badly she affects us. *sigh* I can go on and on, it's exhausting and all I want is peace and quiet in my life, I want peace and quiet. I always try to stay away from all the chaos in the house but it's so hard to feel unaffected because there is literally fighting all day every day. I mostly lock myself in my bedroom and I don't even go to the living room because I know there will be fighting there. I don't go outside much because of my anxiety either so I feel "stuck" and "trapped" with nowhere to go, no way to escape from all the chaos. *sigh* I hope I can find this place a safe haven, I hope I can find support/understanding people here. Thank you for listening to my post.