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Slightly hopeful, but mostly terrified
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 251926" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I don't fully agree about being so harsh on the autistic behaviours. I feel we need to lead them towards a more 'normal' expression of behaviour, but we need to recognise that autistic people need a lot of these behaviours in order to cope. They CAN change behaviours often to ones which are more socially acceptable, but a blanket "no tolerance" is, I feel, short-sighted and insensitive.</p><p></p><p>For example - easy child 2/difficult child 2's obsession with furry textures. It was socially unaccpetbale for her to carry a teddy to school in high school, so she made a fur-fabric cow-print cover for her school folder and then carried her folder everywhere. In sewing class, she made a velvet cushion which she embroidered in a range of techniques with gold thread, to demonstrate her mastery. But she took a lot of trouble selecting the black velvet fabric for its feel, so as she worked on the cushion she got a lot of stimulant satisfaction back form it.</p><p>In other words, she adapted her stims to ones which could slide past socially.</p><p></p><p>Now she is older, she is reverting to what SHE wants and to H with society. In the same way Temple Grandin adapted her cattle crush machine so she could put herself in a hold, easy child 2/difficult child 2 wears tightly laced corsets to get the same effect. She wears them outside her clothing, wears them around town usually while wearing rather Goth-looking outfits. The Goth look is, I think, a way to legitimise the corset-wearing. She certainly attracts attention!</p><p></p><p>Also, the sort of attention she attracts will also attract like-minded people to her (ie other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) people). She is forming her own social network, a sub-culture of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-sympathetic people with similar tastes.</p><p></p><p>I descsribe our family as having "two and a half out of four on the spectrum". Increasingly, I see it as three. But they are having more success than average, looking at those figures. difficult child 1 is already married. He still needs a carer but his wife seems to know what he needs. IN her own way she has some Aspie tendencies (her mother does, especially!) and he supports her when she is overwhelmed with anxiety. They are a team. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is engaged to be married and currently organising her wedding. </p><p></p><p>Employment-wise, neither of those two is doing what they could be doing, according to their abilities. difficult child 1 is currently out of work again, easy child 2/difficult child 2, although studying Early Childhood, is still only a shop girl. They have IQs in the 130-140 range.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was language-delayed quite significantly. He was still partly non-verbal when he started school at 5. He has caught up with his language but simply having been delayed, means that word retrieval is always going to be a problem .There will always be some gaps, even tough his scores are now all within normal range. His vocabulary is superior. But the gaps are frustrating for him and will always hinder him. We are currently working to find him a career path that will work for him.</p><p></p><p>Social acceptability - it's a goal. It's not easy. They need to learn human behaviour as a zoologist studies animal behaviour. There are some wonderful ways to learn this. difficult child 3 is currently immersed in SIMS. He has been involved in the online forum Gaia, but we found a lot of his communications were inappropriate (not sexually, just not very socially acceptable) so we have discouraged it for a while. SIMS give him the chance to experiment, but not with real people.</p><p></p><p>I can see amazing things happening for my kids, beyond what we expected early on. difficult child 1 has his blind spots but can be witty, charming, loving, caring and intensely loyal. His friends love him to bits. His employers have all valued his hard work and loyalty.</p><p></p><p>What I'm saying - there is hope. Every kid is different, but they are decent people who really want to fit in and to please people. Somewtimes its too hard and they want to give up, but so often they come back and try again. We need to support this, lead tham and not pound them into the ground by being too restrictive.</p><p></p><p>My kids see autism as a two-edged sword. it gives gifts, it has given them abilities that other people don't have. But it comes at a price, they have tp take the good with the bad. They accept themselves as they are but know they need to adapt to be acceptable to other people. However, in the priivacy of their own space, they will happily stimulant if they darn well want to. They feel entitled, if they're alone. It helps them calm down, so they feel it earns a rightful place in their lives.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 251926, member: 1991"] I don't fully agree about being so harsh on the autistic behaviours. I feel we need to lead them towards a more 'normal' expression of behaviour, but we need to recognise that autistic people need a lot of these behaviours in order to cope. They CAN change behaviours often to ones which are more socially acceptable, but a blanket "no tolerance" is, I feel, short-sighted and insensitive. For example - easy child 2/difficult child 2's obsession with furry textures. It was socially unaccpetbale for her to carry a teddy to school in high school, so she made a fur-fabric cow-print cover for her school folder and then carried her folder everywhere. In sewing class, she made a velvet cushion which she embroidered in a range of techniques with gold thread, to demonstrate her mastery. But she took a lot of trouble selecting the black velvet fabric for its feel, so as she worked on the cushion she got a lot of stimulant satisfaction back form it. In other words, she adapted her stims to ones which could slide past socially. Now she is older, she is reverting to what SHE wants and to H with society. In the same way Temple Grandin adapted her cattle crush machine so she could put herself in a hold, easy child 2/difficult child 2 wears tightly laced corsets to get the same effect. She wears them outside her clothing, wears them around town usually while wearing rather Goth-looking outfits. The Goth look is, I think, a way to legitimise the corset-wearing. She certainly attracts attention! Also, the sort of attention she attracts will also attract like-minded people to her (ie other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) people). She is forming her own social network, a sub-culture of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-sympathetic people with similar tastes. I descsribe our family as having "two and a half out of four on the spectrum". Increasingly, I see it as three. But they are having more success than average, looking at those figures. difficult child 1 is already married. He still needs a carer but his wife seems to know what he needs. IN her own way she has some Aspie tendencies (her mother does, especially!) and he supports her when she is overwhelmed with anxiety. They are a team. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is engaged to be married and currently organising her wedding. Employment-wise, neither of those two is doing what they could be doing, according to their abilities. difficult child 1 is currently out of work again, easy child 2/difficult child 2, although studying Early Childhood, is still only a shop girl. They have IQs in the 130-140 range. difficult child 3 was language-delayed quite significantly. He was still partly non-verbal when he started school at 5. He has caught up with his language but simply having been delayed, means that word retrieval is always going to be a problem .There will always be some gaps, even tough his scores are now all within normal range. His vocabulary is superior. But the gaps are frustrating for him and will always hinder him. We are currently working to find him a career path that will work for him. Social acceptability - it's a goal. It's not easy. They need to learn human behaviour as a zoologist studies animal behaviour. There are some wonderful ways to learn this. difficult child 3 is currently immersed in SIMS. He has been involved in the online forum Gaia, but we found a lot of his communications were inappropriate (not sexually, just not very socially acceptable) so we have discouraged it for a while. SIMS give him the chance to experiment, but not with real people. I can see amazing things happening for my kids, beyond what we expected early on. difficult child 1 has his blind spots but can be witty, charming, loving, caring and intensely loyal. His friends love him to bits. His employers have all valued his hard work and loyalty. What I'm saying - there is hope. Every kid is different, but they are decent people who really want to fit in and to please people. Somewtimes its too hard and they want to give up, but so often they come back and try again. We need to support this, lead tham and not pound them into the ground by being too restrictive. My kids see autism as a two-edged sword. it gives gifts, it has given them abilities that other people don't have. But it comes at a price, they have tp take the good with the bad. They accept themselves as they are but know they need to adapt to be acceptable to other people. However, in the priivacy of their own space, they will happily stimulant if they darn well want to. They feel entitled, if they're alone. It helps them calm down, so they feel it earns a rightful place in their lives. Marg [/QUOTE]
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