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Slowly Breaking Me Down
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625748" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I used to. I used to walk around my house, looking at all of the baby pictures of easy child and difficult child, and I would stand there and cry about difficult child. My baby. My baby. It is just in the past six months that I have stopped doing this and now I truly do not see him as a baby anymore but as a man. I do see that now. It took a lot of time. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But we have to learn this. I would venture to say that most women in the U.S. must learn this from the ground up. Our culture pushes us to be "unselfish, giving, care-taking, good mommies, putting ourselves last, everybody else first." Our very natures are in sync with this mind-set. We are givers at heart. We are fixers. We are caretakers. We can be completely swallowed up by this very real natural and biological nature of ourselves if we aren't real careful.</p><p></p><p>From age 6, as the oldest daughter and child, I began helping my mother with the three younger ones, one disabled. I was the "strong oldest child." I had to grow up way way too fast and be too responsible for too long. I lost my childhood. I was never carefree. I was always the super-responsible one. </p><p></p><p>I am just now learning that I can come first. In fact, if I don't, I am of no use. We hear those words, but we don't get them until we are forced to get them, many of us. </p><p></p><p>I am so grateful that I am today, valuing myself more than I ever have in my life. I do count. We do count. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This must happen if we are to quit enabling, start detaching with love and accept what is. Taking care of ourselves has to come first because THAT will become our focus. That will fill the gap when we stop enabling and caretaking and fixing and managing and controlling other people. Something has to take the place of all of that, and taking care of ourselves is that thing that will take the place of it. And then give us that strong foundation to move on to do the even harder work of detachment and then of acceptance. </p><p></p><p>Without that foundation, we cannot do it. It is just too hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625748, member: 17542"] I used to. I used to walk around my house, looking at all of the baby pictures of easy child and difficult child, and I would stand there and cry about difficult child. My baby. My baby. It is just in the past six months that I have stopped doing this and now I truly do not see him as a baby anymore but as a man. I do see that now. It took a lot of time. But we have to learn this. I would venture to say that most women in the U.S. must learn this from the ground up. Our culture pushes us to be "unselfish, giving, care-taking, good mommies, putting ourselves last, everybody else first." Our very natures are in sync with this mind-set. We are givers at heart. We are fixers. We are caretakers. We can be completely swallowed up by this very real natural and biological nature of ourselves if we aren't real careful. From age 6, as the oldest daughter and child, I began helping my mother with the three younger ones, one disabled. I was the "strong oldest child." I had to grow up way way too fast and be too responsible for too long. I lost my childhood. I was never carefree. I was always the super-responsible one. I am just now learning that I can come first. In fact, if I don't, I am of no use. We hear those words, but we don't get them until we are forced to get them, many of us. I am so grateful that I am today, valuing myself more than I ever have in my life. I do count. We do count. This must happen if we are to quit enabling, start detaching with love and accept what is. Taking care of ourselves has to come first because THAT will become our focus. That will fill the gap when we stop enabling and caretaking and fixing and managing and controlling other people. Something has to take the place of all of that, and taking care of ourselves is that thing that will take the place of it. And then give us that strong foundation to move on to do the even harder work of detachment and then of acceptance. Without that foundation, we cannot do it. It is just too hard. [/QUOTE]
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