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Slowly Breaking Me Down
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 625815" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Hello CA Mom and welcome. You have gotten wonderful advice from many wise women. I, too, have been through what you are going through with all of the same fears and guilt. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago to help me set boundaries and it has helped me so much.</p><p></p><p>Some of this things that she told me are so very true:</p><ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">The suicide attempts are a way that your difficult child is trying to manipulate you and keep you engaged. It is emotional blackmail. You have to stop letting them get to you as hard as that is to do. My difficult child recently did take an overdose of pills and then immediately called for help. She didn't want to die . . . just wanted to make us become involved again as we had cut her off of all financial help as she was drinking and using again. She ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">The more you set boundaries the harder he will push back against them. You have to stay strong. My therapist compared it to dog training when you try to change a behavior. They become more and more agitated and keep trying to get you to do what they want until they finally realize that you won't give in. It is called an extinction burst.<br /> </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">You difficult child will continue to manipulate you as long as he is able to do it. You are the only one that can make it stop.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">You are working much harder to fix your difficult child's life than he is.</li> </ol><p>I could go on and on but the bottom line is that now is the time for you to detach and live your life without guilt. My difficult child is about to be 29 and we are finally starting to set firm boundaries. Don't wait as long as I did.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 625815, member: 1967"] Hello CA Mom and welcome. You have gotten wonderful advice from many wise women. I, too, have been through what you are going through with all of the same fears and guilt. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago to help me set boundaries and it has helped me so much. Some of this things that she told me are so very true: [LIST=1] [*]The suicide attempts are a way that your difficult child is trying to manipulate you and keep you engaged. It is emotional blackmail. You have to stop letting them get to you as hard as that is to do. My difficult child recently did take an overdose of pills and then immediately called for help. She didn't want to die . . . just wanted to make us become involved again as we had cut her off of all financial help as she was drinking and using again. She ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week. [*]The more you set boundaries the harder he will push back against them. You have to stay strong. My therapist compared it to dog training when you try to change a behavior. They become more and more agitated and keep trying to get you to do what they want until they finally realize that you won't give in. It is called an extinction burst. [*]You difficult child will continue to manipulate you as long as he is able to do it. You are the only one that can make it stop. [*]You are working much harder to fix your difficult child's life than he is. [/LIST] I could go on and on but the bottom line is that now is the time for you to detach and live your life without guilt. My difficult child is about to be 29 and we are finally starting to set firm boundaries. Don't wait as long as I did. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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