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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 351982" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Witz, </p><p></p><p>I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. It's not hard to do what you did with M. It's like living your whole life in tornado alley. You live there? You are constantly aware that at any moment your could be caught up in a twister and your home, life, and world are literally prepared around the idea that it could be torn apart any minute within the blink of an eye so you're always alert and on guard. Then maybe you move to someplace like SC where there aren't very many tornadoes, but for the first season you still have that preparedness in your system. As time goes on? You stop preparing because there isn't any danger and you get a little lackadaisical about the entire "prepare for the twister" thing. Then out of the blue one day the skies gray up and the rains start and you find yourself completely unprepared, and WHAM - tornado strikes and there you are - unprepared....but for the last 10 years? You were ready. Hardly seems fair, so you get angry at yourself for letting your guard down. </p><p></p><p>My thought with M or Dude or any difficult child for all that matters? When you live with them and they move out it takes a LONG time for your life to return to some kind of normal (whatever that is). When it gets comfortable? We return to ourselves - kind, helpful, loving people and maybe we reach out just a little more than we used to because we just get so tired of having to pull back EVERY SINGLE TIME, and DAY, and ISSUE with our difficult child kids. So here you saw a more mature M, older, a little less difficult child-ish perhaps, and thought this was an opportunity to not give him advice like a parent, but more like a friend. I would have done the same given the exact set of circumstances. </p><p></p><p>It's just a small reminder and it hurts, and for that I'm sorry. Some days I see Dude and I think - OH WOW, a moment of clarity, he's normal, he's grown out of "it" and there is HOPE. Then I reach out and WHAM....tornado. It's a process...and I'll probably repeat it until I'm old and gray because I just hope for that one time I reach out and it IS 'normal'. Just once. </p><p></p><p>Hugs - because I know EXACTLY how you feel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 351982, member: 4964"] Witz, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. It's not hard to do what you did with M. It's like living your whole life in tornado alley. You live there? You are constantly aware that at any moment your could be caught up in a twister and your home, life, and world are literally prepared around the idea that it could be torn apart any minute within the blink of an eye so you're always alert and on guard. Then maybe you move to someplace like SC where there aren't very many tornadoes, but for the first season you still have that preparedness in your system. As time goes on? You stop preparing because there isn't any danger and you get a little lackadaisical about the entire "prepare for the twister" thing. Then out of the blue one day the skies gray up and the rains start and you find yourself completely unprepared, and WHAM - tornado strikes and there you are - unprepared....but for the last 10 years? You were ready. Hardly seems fair, so you get angry at yourself for letting your guard down. My thought with M or Dude or any difficult child for all that matters? When you live with them and they move out it takes a LONG time for your life to return to some kind of normal (whatever that is). When it gets comfortable? We return to ourselves - kind, helpful, loving people and maybe we reach out just a little more than we used to because we just get so tired of having to pull back EVERY SINGLE TIME, and DAY, and ISSUE with our difficult child kids. So here you saw a more mature M, older, a little less difficult child-ish perhaps, and thought this was an opportunity to not give him advice like a parent, but more like a friend. I would have done the same given the exact set of circumstances. It's just a small reminder and it hurts, and for that I'm sorry. Some days I see Dude and I think - OH WOW, a moment of clarity, he's normal, he's grown out of "it" and there is HOPE. Then I reach out and WHAM....tornado. It's a process...and I'll probably repeat it until I'm old and gray because I just hope for that one time I reach out and it IS 'normal'. Just once. Hugs - because I know EXACTLY how you feel. [/QUOTE]
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