husband works with this man, S, and has for years. Recently, they had to take two of their grandchildren in for the same situation that we are in. His son (their father) and his daughter in law are meth addicts. DFCS took the children and placed them with S and his wife just a couple of weeks ago. (I'm sure it has helped my husband to have someone he knows in the same boat to talk to..) Anyhow, husband told me last night that the children are already back with their mother because she just went to the SAME place difficult child is supposed to go to. So husband heard a bit more about the place and the rules. He knows that all of their communication is monitored, and the rules about the children going anywhere (the children cannot go anywhere for the first 30 days and then only day trips and progressing from there, etc.) He told me that it is not a lock down facility but that if difficult child leaves, she loses everything. It's weird. I am not holding on to hope that she is going to stay or work the program. It is completely up to her and I know that I have no control over the situation. Do I think she can do it? Absolutely. She is strong headed and stubborn enough to do anything she wants to. Do I think she wants to do it? No. I haven't seen anything that leads me to believe she truly wants nothing to do with that life anymore. The strangest thing about it all is I have no feelings anymore about it. That cannot possibly be normal. It is almost like we are discussing an acquantance that we know or something. I have always held on to hope. It has always affected me and my life. This is a very, very odd feeling now and I am not quite sure how to process it.. She wants me to come visit her tomorrow. She asked her friend to ask me if I would. I don't know why. I suppose she may miss me and want to see me. But I don't feel the same way. Isn't that awful??? The last time husband and I took time out to visit her, we sat and listened to her normal BS, her complain about being there and how she did NOT want to go to the program. I really don't feel like taking time out of my day and using my gas to go up there for that again. We are heading to the campsite tomorrow afternoon and I would rather stay here and prepare for that. I mean, I want to be there for the birth, I just don't want to go to the jail again. I don't know what to do...the baby has dropped and I know it won't be much longer before she goes into labor. I may go, but I know my heart is not in it and that may show through to her. So, odd place for me. I do still love my daughter. Not the addict, though. I am really and truly finished with the addict. It would be nice to see my daughter again but I can't be sure that I ever will. I do know that I have already mourned her and what I had hoped for her for a very long time now. Maybe that is it. Maybe I am just done mourning. I don't know. Anyone ever feel this way?