Smoking weed in our home

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by christianmom, Nov 8, 2014.

  1. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    We didn't find out our son used marijuana until about a year after he started. He really hid it well, lived a double life, did several other things we didn't know about. Anyway, in the last year or so, he tells me more and more things and we can have candid conversations about this, though I'm sure he still lies about some things. He told me that he smoked marijuana every day while a freshman in college (and did quite well grade wise that year) and also drank alcohol. My husband and I drink no alcohol whatsoever. But what is so surprising is that he did this in his room. He lived at home during this time. I just can hardly believe this but there is no reason for him to lie about this. I am very observant and also has a very strong sense of smell and I can't believe I never noticed this. I only ever found one beer can outside and thought it was the neighbor's. Any thoughts? It just makes me feel so awful, though I know it is in the past.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter also smoked pot and drank and used other drugs in her room. I have such a good sense of smell that my husband says I'm like a dog that way, but I didn't smell anything either. Maybe I didn't want to or maybe she knew how to get the fumes out or maybe I was not thinking "drugs" and my daughter. My husband and I don't drink or do drugs so we are not as "with it" when it comes to symptoms of drug use nor how they smell. Or we weren't aware at the time!We do learn, don't we?

    Smoking anything is not allowed in our home. We have a "no smoking" sign in our living room. That is part of our house rules and you can't violate our house rules and be in our home. Now, except for this child, and she did leave the house at 19 (we found her having a drug party), none of my other kids smoke so it was not an issue. She has since quit, even cigarettes.

    You can decide to have a "no smoking" rule in your house. Your house, in my opinion, is your castle and is run by your rules.

    Have you ever gone to a Twelve Step Group? I am thinking that you may really gain a lot of peace and solace at the meetings. I did, and, especially if you are spiritual, it offers a lot of support and good facetime advice.

    You don't have to feel alone anymore. You have us.
  3. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    Thank you for the support. No, we haven't gone to a 12-step program. He knows he is not allowed to bring even cigarettes into our home now. He stays with friends most of the time and is rarely home.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wouldn't worry about what is in the past. You gave him your boundaries and now he has to abide by them. That's probably why he is staying away. My daughter smoked pot before we ever knew also. At some point we suspected it but never had proof until it was way out of control.
  5. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Christian Mom, we usually only find out the tip of the iceberg. Whatever we do learn about, we can assume rightly that there is so much more that we don't know.

    Addicts and alcoholics lie. It's what they do. I think the lying---even more than the drugs---takes a huge toll on them over time.

    I believe my ex-husband truly hated himself for his lies by the time he decided to get sober.

    I agree that it doesn't matter what he did in the past. Assume he did a lot. You don't need to know the details. I used to think if I just knew, then I could do something about it. Nuts! I used to search his room and his car obsessively. Nuts!

    Today, I just accept that I don't know, and frankly, I don't want to know. I will find out things if and when I need to find out. Until then, I try hard to live my own life.

    Of course that is much easier to do when difficult child isn't under the same roof!
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes yes yes!