Sneaky threats

[Liahona]

difficult child 1 threatened to put out difficult child 3's eyes. I was shocked. He has been doing great. He has been working hard for hours at a time to earn the right to play starcraft. He hasn't lashed out at anyone in weeks. We've gotten into a routine where he works and gets rewarded for it. Then he thought that difficult child 3 had broken part of the computer he uses for starcraft and he turned nasty. difficult child 1 doesn't rage anymore. He gets very quiet, his voice gets soft so I can't hear; he is sneaky with threatening the other kids. We are right back to difficult child 1 being in my sight or earshot at all times. I get nervous if difficult child 1's voice is low so I can't hear what he is saying. Then I get very scared and start yelling at him to speak up. Then I feel guilty for yelling. I've cut back on the computer time. Tonight instead of having the chance to earn starcraft he got to play with his siblings while I sat by and watched.

 

[JJJ]

Can you tell is he is 'enjoying' threatening the others? Or if he is frustrated and doesn't handle it correctly?

 

[BusynMember]

Did he mean it?

My completely non-violent Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son used to say threats when he was younger, but he never ever acted on them. Words are different than actions.

 

[keista]

difficult child 1 doesn't rage anymore. He gets very quiet, his voice gets soft so I can't hear; he is sneaky with threatening the other kids.

Hi. This just isn't sitting right with me. Your sig says that he's Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). In my experience sneaky and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) just do not happen together. It may APPEAR to be sneaky but with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) that thought process is generally lacking. You say he has been doing great and not raging any more. Has he been in therapy? Is it possible that he was TAUGHT to calm down, lower his voice and express his anger using words instead of yells?

in my opinion it sounds as if he had a valid reason to be angry. I've gotten angry when my computer isn't working right, and if I even SUSPECT that one of the kids was on it my anger gets directed at them. This is quite normal. The way the anger is EXPRESSED is the key. So exactly how do you expect him to express this anger? I was missing this step with DD1 (NOT Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)) She'd bottle all her anger up and then it would just erupt out of her. Not knowingly, I was part of the problem as was the school because small age appropriate expressions of anger are not "allowed" - I hate you, shut up, you're stupid. What the school and I neglected to do were offer the 'substitute phrasing'. We just assumed the kids would figure it out on their own. I'm sure some did, but mine have not.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ohh, I am so sorry. I know the feeling of backsliding.

 

[BusynMember]

My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son can be VERY sneaky

 

[Liahona]

difficult child 1 has a history of trying to murder his sibs. It was always in the heat of the moment. He doesn't enjoy threatening, thank goodness, I've pointed out all the natural consequences over and over again. We've also told him he could take a break when he gets mad and he has done this in the past. I have a problem with any anger solution we come up with he turns into a 'get-out-of-work' card and has to use it constantly. Its a balancing act. We've been working on anger towards his sibs for years. He is making improvement. I just thought we'd made more improvement than we have.

 

[keista]

WOW. I just went to read your other threads to get some more background. You REALLY have your hands full. Do you have/can you get any in home services?

I don't know what else to say but be vigilant and TRY to find at least a few moments for yourself each day.

 

[Liahona]

Thank-you for the sympathy. His therapist comes to our home once a week and the autism specialist comes to our home once a month. We also have a social skills group all 3 boys go to once a week. There are great services here and I know which buttons to push to get what my kids need. I also have a sp. ed. degree. They are getting everything that can be done for them. Just thank-you for the sympathy. It means a lot to me.