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General Parenting
So Angry at All the Lying, Stealing and Sneaking
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 270088" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>WE locked up everything - and followed DUde around like GLUE for three months. It was awful - and it didn't cure him 100% but at least we all knew when he said "I'm going to the bathroom now" we knew he was becuase we were standing outside the door. IT was a test of wills that nearly completely put me in the cracker bin. </p><p> </p><p>I think we get complacent too soon with our childrens ability to continually tell the truth. We're worn out, tired, frustrated and when they finally do say something truthful we're just SO relieved and we want to believe that they told ONE truth they must surely will tell two - that we let it go. ANd this process repeats itself over and over and over. UNTIL - we say "When is enough enough? " and do take steps to safeguard nearly everything we own. THus FINALLY(we hope) rendering the situation a no brainer. </p><p> </p><p>If everything is locked up? NOthing can be stolen. Not always necessarily true. When Dude couldn't steal things at home and OMG he took my diamond rings and luckily I found my 2.5 carat platinum marquis in his closet in MY gift box - to give to a 7th grade girl....or he'd go to friends houses and take their toys or whatever. Then it escalated into being the lookout for home breakins - and that's what finally got him. The law arrested him because the law doesn't tolerate children who steal. The law didn't get frustrated and po'd about him taking cookies or change - the law locked him up just for standing at the corner of the yard and yelling "SOmeone is coming." and sharing in the "loot". The law said you are going to jail for 17 years when he was 16 years old. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know why our kids do not get this lesson at home.....BUT I can tell you that the locks didn't stop him from stealing - they just stopped him from stealing from his family - which stopped ME from having the feelings of wanting to lock this kid up myself and the frustration that comes with being violated and having your stuff touched and your space invaded. FOr me that's all it did.....I KNEW when I left a box of cookies locked in the bedroom closet that they would be there when I got home - </p><p> </p><p>But be warned that even though I locked stuff up (we used keys) the first time that the door was left open (i went to the bathroom for 2 seconds) DUde snuck into my bedroom and took things. The first time I forgot to hide the 2nd set of keys? Dude snooped until he found them and then did what he did before. IT was almost (to me) like a game for him. When we'd call him on it - he'd say "Well you have everything locked up - how Did I get that then?" and the frustration began at a whole new level for me. When I figured it out? I thought - "What a clever little bugger you are...but here I am even MORE clever." and hid the spare set of incorrect keys and put ink all over the top of them - and literally caught Dude red handed.....with bad spare keys - to which he replied - THEY DON"T work anyway." grinning with red ink on his fingertips. </p><p> </p><p>The following him around and making him accountable for everything BUT breathing was the best thing we did - but it wasn't the easiest thing - </p><p> </p><p>And the oddest thing - they will look right at you and SWEAR to you on their very lives they didn't steal or take or lie - and you look at those innocent eyes begging for a chance - and you start all over again. You have to find a way to talk to them so that you can get the information you need - get yourself a book called How to talk to your kids so they listen and how to listen so they will talk. IT's the best book gift I ever got. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 270088, member: 4964"] WE locked up everything - and followed DUde around like GLUE for three months. It was awful - and it didn't cure him 100% but at least we all knew when he said "I'm going to the bathroom now" we knew he was becuase we were standing outside the door. IT was a test of wills that nearly completely put me in the cracker bin. I think we get complacent too soon with our childrens ability to continually tell the truth. We're worn out, tired, frustrated and when they finally do say something truthful we're just SO relieved and we want to believe that they told ONE truth they must surely will tell two - that we let it go. ANd this process repeats itself over and over and over. UNTIL - we say "When is enough enough? " and do take steps to safeguard nearly everything we own. THus FINALLY(we hope) rendering the situation a no brainer. If everything is locked up? NOthing can be stolen. Not always necessarily true. When Dude couldn't steal things at home and OMG he took my diamond rings and luckily I found my 2.5 carat platinum marquis in his closet in MY gift box - to give to a 7th grade girl....or he'd go to friends houses and take their toys or whatever. Then it escalated into being the lookout for home breakins - and that's what finally got him. The law arrested him because the law doesn't tolerate children who steal. The law didn't get frustrated and po'd about him taking cookies or change - the law locked him up just for standing at the corner of the yard and yelling "SOmeone is coming." and sharing in the "loot". The law said you are going to jail for 17 years when he was 16 years old. I don't know why our kids do not get this lesson at home.....BUT I can tell you that the locks didn't stop him from stealing - they just stopped him from stealing from his family - which stopped ME from having the feelings of wanting to lock this kid up myself and the frustration that comes with being violated and having your stuff touched and your space invaded. FOr me that's all it did.....I KNEW when I left a box of cookies locked in the bedroom closet that they would be there when I got home - But be warned that even though I locked stuff up (we used keys) the first time that the door was left open (i went to the bathroom for 2 seconds) DUde snuck into my bedroom and took things. The first time I forgot to hide the 2nd set of keys? Dude snooped until he found them and then did what he did before. IT was almost (to me) like a game for him. When we'd call him on it - he'd say "Well you have everything locked up - how Did I get that then?" and the frustration began at a whole new level for me. When I figured it out? I thought - "What a clever little bugger you are...but here I am even MORE clever." and hid the spare set of incorrect keys and put ink all over the top of them - and literally caught Dude red handed.....with bad spare keys - to which he replied - THEY DON"T work anyway." grinning with red ink on his fingertips. The following him around and making him accountable for everything BUT breathing was the best thing we did - but it wasn't the easiest thing - And the oddest thing - they will look right at you and SWEAR to you on their very lives they didn't steal or take or lie - and you look at those innocent eyes begging for a chance - and you start all over again. You have to find a way to talk to them so that you can get the information you need - get yourself a book called How to talk to your kids so they listen and how to listen so they will talk. IT's the best book gift I ever got. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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