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So Angry at All the Lying, Stealing and Sneaking
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 271771" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Desdemona, welcome. YOu will do better if you can begin a thread in your own right, tell us more about you and your problems. Otherwise, using Daisy's thread could leave your issues overlooked. And that would be a pity.</p><p></p><p>difficult child = Gift From God, the child that brings us to this site. easy child = Perfect Child, although we acknowledge that no child really is perfect. There is a link to tell you what the abbreviations mean.</p><p></p><p>If/when you can, do a sig for yourself too. That way when you post, you don't have to keep telling us all your background info every time, it will justbe there and we can refresh our understanding of you.</p><p></p><p>I do see this sort of stealing as a control issue - the kid wants to feel in control of his/her environment and at the same time is resentful of everyone else who they perceive as having what they want, even if it's not what they need.</p><p></p><p>We got a very mild version of this with easy child - she would be out to dinner with friends and at that dinner would have some of her favourite foods. In her absence we would have something else she liked, such as ravioli. But when she got home after a very big dinner with friends, she would be VERY upset if we hadn't saved a portion of ravioli for her as well. If we hadn't, she would feel that we hadn't played fair.</p><p></p><p>Totally out of control sense of personal entitlement. It carried over into other things but mostly revolved around food. The fact that she had enjoyed a lovely dinner with friends (and food which she hadn't shared with us) never came into it.</p><p></p><p>As for always stealing totally senseless things from others - sometimes it's not merely "I want it", so much as "I don't want them to have it, if I can't have it/use it myself." Or "I can't use X, but I feel if THEY want to use X, I should be supplied with Y. And because I am not getting enough of what I want, then I will make sure they can't have X, because I will take it/destroy it/throw it away."</p><p></p><p>It's also a desperate attempt to grab as much attention as possible, the attention being replaced with things. Not stealing in order to get attention, but stealing to replace the attention the child feels they are entitled to. </p><p></p><p>THis is not to say that the child is entitled to all the attention they crave - generally it's massively unrealistic. But if you can find some help in focussing on why the child seems to want every possible scrap of attention in existence (sort of like a black hole absorbing every possible scrap of matter and light and thereby becoming even bigger and more demanding) then maybe you can begin to get help that is focussed more directly on the main problem.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 271771, member: 1991"] Desdemona, welcome. YOu will do better if you can begin a thread in your own right, tell us more about you and your problems. Otherwise, using Daisy's thread could leave your issues overlooked. And that would be a pity. difficult child = Gift From God, the child that brings us to this site. easy child = Perfect Child, although we acknowledge that no child really is perfect. There is a link to tell you what the abbreviations mean. If/when you can, do a sig for yourself too. That way when you post, you don't have to keep telling us all your background info every time, it will justbe there and we can refresh our understanding of you. I do see this sort of stealing as a control issue - the kid wants to feel in control of his/her environment and at the same time is resentful of everyone else who they perceive as having what they want, even if it's not what they need. We got a very mild version of this with easy child - she would be out to dinner with friends and at that dinner would have some of her favourite foods. In her absence we would have something else she liked, such as ravioli. But when she got home after a very big dinner with friends, she would be VERY upset if we hadn't saved a portion of ravioli for her as well. If we hadn't, she would feel that we hadn't played fair. Totally out of control sense of personal entitlement. It carried over into other things but mostly revolved around food. The fact that she had enjoyed a lovely dinner with friends (and food which she hadn't shared with us) never came into it. As for always stealing totally senseless things from others - sometimes it's not merely "I want it", so much as "I don't want them to have it, if I can't have it/use it myself." Or "I can't use X, but I feel if THEY want to use X, I should be supplied with Y. And because I am not getting enough of what I want, then I will make sure they can't have X, because I will take it/destroy it/throw it away." It's also a desperate attempt to grab as much attention as possible, the attention being replaced with things. Not stealing in order to get attention, but stealing to replace the attention the child feels they are entitled to. THis is not to say that the child is entitled to all the attention they crave - generally it's massively unrealistic. But if you can find some help in focussing on why the child seems to want every possible scrap of attention in existence (sort of like a black hole absorbing every possible scrap of matter and light and thereby becoming even bigger and more demanding) then maybe you can begin to get help that is focussed more directly on the main problem. Marg [/QUOTE]
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