hearts and roses
Mind Reader
One thing I love about this board is how open we are with one another, how we not only share ideas and support, but we share the nitty gritty details of what's going on in our lives. Before I go off, I just wanted to say "Thanks".
I am angry with easy child. I think she's having a delayed adolescence. Anyone else with a easy child that waits until they are an actual adult before they begin acting out? She's moody and brooding all the time, holes up in her room, doesn't really converse with anyone and is kind of mean when she does. Well, that's my easy child.
She was fine for the most part all through her teens, never really gave me cause for worry or concern. Except with her boyfriend, Casper. He can be controlling in seemingly innocuous ways. on the other hand, easy child hates change and likes to have her life mapped out in front of her. When she makes a plan, she generally sticks with it, even if for only a little while. She has a plan in her head (and on paper), mapping out her and Casper's lives, year by year. So, when she returned home from college, she hooked back up with her HS sweetheart, Casper (she was with him in HS for 2 years, then went to college and broke it off, hooked up with another guy, then broke it off with him to go back to Casper after 2 years). When she first came home from culinary school she got a job in a bakery cafe. Coincidentally (or not) Casper lunched there every day while at work and I truly believe he was keeping tabs on her. Anyway, she left there to go back to her old HS job at a daycare, claiming that the bakery job was too stressful. At the daycare, she took a $4/hour pay cut and she has little to no chance of ever being in contact with other men - it's all kiddos and women. I think Casper loves this idea and encouraged it for his own reasons. Meanwhile, $60,000 down the drain on her culinary education at the best school in the US, right? But I digress.
Some facts: Casper owns his own home with his brother, but moved back in with his parents while he attends school and is quitting his job in the fall to attend school full time. He is 24 and his education will take 5 years if he goes steady. His parents are major fundamentalists in every possible way and while we like them, they are nice people, we don't agree with many of their views.
Since easy child's been home she's commented that she wished she could get her own apt, which H and I are not against or for. She can live at home or she can move out - we really don't care one way or the other. HOWEVER, she recently came to us with the most ridiculous, insulting and meanest plan. She states that she is moving into Casper's parents house!!! Casper's parents won't let them sleep together, so she is going to be in their spare bedroom while Casper has his old boyhood room down the hall. She claims that our house has too much tension and that their house is calm.
difficult child, H and I all had a good laugh about the tension thing. The fact is, our house is borderline BORING there is so little going on. H falls asleep by 8:30, I'm either readin or doing homework most nights - I mean, the house is pretty quiet by 8pm, unless someone has a tv going, and difficult child is hardly home. H and I sometimes bicker like any married couple, but we don't have fights or any major arguing going on. There is NO tension in our house, and as difficult child pointed out: easy child is the one who is always tense, not anyone else. difficult child said the easy child brings on her own stress.
Perhaps the reason why Casper's house is so calm and serene is because the mother is completely complacent and subservient to the father. Whatever the dad wants or says, he gets or it goes his way every time, even if it's clear the mom is not happy about it. She relents because he's the man of the house. Even if I was inclined to be subservient to my H, he would not like that. We enjoy discussing things together, sometimes loudly.
difficult child told me that easy child said to her that moving into Casper's house would be perfect because then she would get to be with him all the time, but wouldn't have to sleep with him. WHAT??? What 22 year old thinks like that?
Anyway, I will state again, if easy child came to us and said, "Casper and I are getting an apt together" H and I wouldn't be thrilled (because we think Casper is a mistake for easy child) but we'd be okay with it. However, her moving into his parents' house and having to stay in another room just seems strange. And her comments are insulting and hurtful to me. To us, it seems like she's taking steps backwards in her personal growth. First she gave up her better job, then for Valentine's Day, Casper put easy child on his phone plan by buying her an iPhone (now he can see who she's calling and texting) and now she's moving out of our home, but into his parent's? How is that asserting her independence?
When easy child came back from a week's vacation with Casper's family last summer, she didn't even hang with him for 3 days because him and his father drove her so crazy that she couldn't bear being around them. She likes his mom a lot, which is nice and I respect that, but his father drives easy child crazy.
H thinks that it will last about 2 weeks and that it's a HUGE mistake. I want to say something to easy child along the lines of, "You can come home if it doesn't work out, but our home is not a flophouse - when you move out, you will lose your room and you cannot just flop here to take a break when you tire of his family." I also want to point out how she's actually lost independence since going back with Casper and moving home, rather than gradually gaining more indepence. I also want to tell her that that she should just simply own up to the fact that she just wants to move out of our home and that it has nothing to do with any tension in the house (because there is none). I get it, she's 22 - I was on my own at 18, so I do understand her wanting to get out. But really? Moving in with Casper at his parents house just seems wierd!
So, please give me some feedback. Sorry this is so long - I actually edited a lot out, believe it or not. Thanks~
I am angry with easy child. I think she's having a delayed adolescence. Anyone else with a easy child that waits until they are an actual adult before they begin acting out? She's moody and brooding all the time, holes up in her room, doesn't really converse with anyone and is kind of mean when she does. Well, that's my easy child.
She was fine for the most part all through her teens, never really gave me cause for worry or concern. Except with her boyfriend, Casper. He can be controlling in seemingly innocuous ways. on the other hand, easy child hates change and likes to have her life mapped out in front of her. When she makes a plan, she generally sticks with it, even if for only a little while. She has a plan in her head (and on paper), mapping out her and Casper's lives, year by year. So, when she returned home from college, she hooked back up with her HS sweetheart, Casper (she was with him in HS for 2 years, then went to college and broke it off, hooked up with another guy, then broke it off with him to go back to Casper after 2 years). When she first came home from culinary school she got a job in a bakery cafe. Coincidentally (or not) Casper lunched there every day while at work and I truly believe he was keeping tabs on her. Anyway, she left there to go back to her old HS job at a daycare, claiming that the bakery job was too stressful. At the daycare, she took a $4/hour pay cut and she has little to no chance of ever being in contact with other men - it's all kiddos and women. I think Casper loves this idea and encouraged it for his own reasons. Meanwhile, $60,000 down the drain on her culinary education at the best school in the US, right? But I digress.
Some facts: Casper owns his own home with his brother, but moved back in with his parents while he attends school and is quitting his job in the fall to attend school full time. He is 24 and his education will take 5 years if he goes steady. His parents are major fundamentalists in every possible way and while we like them, they are nice people, we don't agree with many of their views.
Since easy child's been home she's commented that she wished she could get her own apt, which H and I are not against or for. She can live at home or she can move out - we really don't care one way or the other. HOWEVER, she recently came to us with the most ridiculous, insulting and meanest plan. She states that she is moving into Casper's parents house!!! Casper's parents won't let them sleep together, so she is going to be in their spare bedroom while Casper has his old boyhood room down the hall. She claims that our house has too much tension and that their house is calm.
difficult child, H and I all had a good laugh about the tension thing. The fact is, our house is borderline BORING there is so little going on. H falls asleep by 8:30, I'm either readin or doing homework most nights - I mean, the house is pretty quiet by 8pm, unless someone has a tv going, and difficult child is hardly home. H and I sometimes bicker like any married couple, but we don't have fights or any major arguing going on. There is NO tension in our house, and as difficult child pointed out: easy child is the one who is always tense, not anyone else. difficult child said the easy child brings on her own stress.
Perhaps the reason why Casper's house is so calm and serene is because the mother is completely complacent and subservient to the father. Whatever the dad wants or says, he gets or it goes his way every time, even if it's clear the mom is not happy about it. She relents because he's the man of the house. Even if I was inclined to be subservient to my H, he would not like that. We enjoy discussing things together, sometimes loudly.
difficult child told me that easy child said to her that moving into Casper's house would be perfect because then she would get to be with him all the time, but wouldn't have to sleep with him. WHAT??? What 22 year old thinks like that?
Anyway, I will state again, if easy child came to us and said, "Casper and I are getting an apt together" H and I wouldn't be thrilled (because we think Casper is a mistake for easy child) but we'd be okay with it. However, her moving into his parents' house and having to stay in another room just seems strange. And her comments are insulting and hurtful to me. To us, it seems like she's taking steps backwards in her personal growth. First she gave up her better job, then for Valentine's Day, Casper put easy child on his phone plan by buying her an iPhone (now he can see who she's calling and texting) and now she's moving out of our home, but into his parent's? How is that asserting her independence?
When easy child came back from a week's vacation with Casper's family last summer, she didn't even hang with him for 3 days because him and his father drove her so crazy that she couldn't bear being around them. She likes his mom a lot, which is nice and I respect that, but his father drives easy child crazy.
H thinks that it will last about 2 weeks and that it's a HUGE mistake. I want to say something to easy child along the lines of, "You can come home if it doesn't work out, but our home is not a flophouse - when you move out, you will lose your room and you cannot just flop here to take a break when you tire of his family." I also want to point out how she's actually lost independence since going back with Casper and moving home, rather than gradually gaining more indepence. I also want to tell her that that she should just simply own up to the fact that she just wants to move out of our home and that it has nothing to do with any tension in the house (because there is none). I get it, she's 22 - I was on my own at 18, so I do understand her wanting to get out. But really? Moving in with Casper at his parents house just seems wierd!
So, please give me some feedback. Sorry this is so long - I actually edited a lot out, believe it or not. Thanks~
