Hello RNMom and welcome to CD. I am sorry for your reasons being here. It is difficult to hear these stories of our young adults, they are dabbling in an entirely different world, it seems. A world that we cannot imagine. I had to look up uber, I am not familiar with this......
I'm new here and just don't know what to do. My 20 yr old daughter called yesterday around 4:30 am from the ER in her college town. She claims that she was out with friends drinking at a club concert and started feeling sick. She woke up in the ER and was told that she took an Uber ride. The Uber driver realized she was messed up and called the police, who then called EMS. She is telling me that she thinks someone "spiked her drink".
Hmmmm. I know that college kids are notorious for partying. One of my friends pulled funding for her son, college was an excuse for uncontrolled partying. It is scary. I suppose it is like high school, where there are different groups of kids, with differing objectives. Your daughter had problems in high school, it sounds like that is continuing into college. Why do our children get mixed up with the wrong crowd, where others avoid it?
The big question. My two started younger, in middle school, experimenting and mixing with troubled kids. I know the hardship of this. I am sorry, RNMom.
As I'm typing this, I'm thinking, "Are you out of your mind for believing her story?" Anyway, I don't know where to go from here. She denies she has a problem and didn't even seem scared by waking up in the ER like that.
I am glad that you have your intuition working here. The fact that your daughter is not rattled by this nightmare, is unsettling, to say the least. Believe your gut feeling, it is probably correct.
The drug world is a dark, scary world, we are frightened by it, but it seems to draw our d cs in. These risky behaviors provide clues for us that we need to pay heed to. I am sure there are counselors at the school you could speak with, to get a different perspective.
The problem, too, is that your daughter is over 18 and considered an adult. This puts a whole different light on the puzzle. She is making some bad choices. If you are providing for her financially, you may want to reconsider this.
We don't want to be funding this sort of lifestyle, unknowingly.
I worry about leaving her up there, but also about bringing her home. Her high school years were hell on our marriage and we have 3 other children, ages 15, 13 and 9.
I hear you with this. It is a worry, on both sides of this issue. If your daughter is deep enough into this darker world, that an ER visit does not scare her, then home is not a good place for her, or you.
She needs to come clean, and get clean. Honesty is not a hallmark of our d cs, as you may well know. We have no control over their decisions, they are adults. All we can control, is our responses. Taking a step back, thinking and taking it slow, is good advice I received here.
We are trained as parents, to
rush in to rescue, which can eventually be problematic for everyone concerned.
I am glad you are looking at your younger children and considering their safety and right to live in a peaceable home.
My son, now 14, went through way too many years on the sideline, as we tried over and over to help his sisters and our grands.
If I could do it all over again, I would not have had them in our home. Many parents here will tell you, that it doesn't work. With d cs in our homes, we are sucked into a chaotic world. There are services out there, that they can avail themselves with, to get real professional help. IF they want it. We have found, that our d cs do not get better in our homes, they get worse. They must figure out their life's path. Often times, my two would come to us for help. What I have learned from years of this, is they did not want help to change their course of partying and drugging. They wanted us to make it easier for them. It became a mad dance of patterns, us trying to convince them to change, them just wanting to have a place to eat, shower, keep their things. Famous words "I am an adult, I can do what I want." No amount of talking, rules, consequences, changed this with them in our household. They would grow increasingly reckless and had a sense of entitlement, like we were supposed to stand by and just let this happen. We had years of comings and goings, that were very disruptive to raising our young son. This culminated into much anxiety for us, and him.
You are right to consider your young children, and put their needs first. They deserve to have a peaceful home. It is their sanctuary.
You have raised your daughter. It is time for her to stand on her two feet, and figure this out. You are doing a great service to her, by stepping back, and letting her understand her responsibility for her choices, and taste the consequences.
The sooner she know this, the better.
It is hard RNMom, I feel for you.
Take time to think.
Others will come along and share. You are not alone.
(((HUGS))
leafy