So confused...20 yr old woke up in ER

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RNMom, Dec 5, 2015.

  1. RNMom

    RNMom New Member

    I'm new here and just don't know what to do. My 20 yr old daughter called yesterday around 4:30 am from the ER in her college town. She claims that she was out with friends drinking at a club concert and started feeling sick. She woke up in the ER and was told that she took an Uber ride. The Uber driver realized she was messed up and called the police, who then called EMS. She is telling me that she thinks someone "spiked her drink".

    The toxicology screen showed Ecstasy, benzos, amphetamines and a BAC of 0.139 The problem is, I don't know whether to believe her or not. She had problems with pot in high school, even to the point of smoking it in our home. I also found MDMA in her room while she was still living here.

    As I'm typing this, I'm thinking, "Are you out of your mind for believing her story?" Anyway, I don't know where to go from here. She denies she has a problem and didn't even seem scared by waking up in the ER like that.

    I worry about leaving her up there, but also about bringing her home. Her high school years were hell on our marriage and we have 3 other children, ages 15, 13 and 9.

    Help :(
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Welcome RNMom.

    Saturdays are slow sometimes but others will respond shortly. You might also post in the PE forum.

    I do not know what to tell you. Substance Abuse is not my primary issue with my son. I wanted to write to tell you welcome and to assure you that others will soon respond.

    I would be very concerned, too.

    I would also be disinclined to believe her.

    Do you pay for the college costs? If so, you have every right to put conditions on her. The thing is, how do you enforce them?

    Most of us have found that bringing our kids home at that age is a mistake. Especially for us. But also for them and our other kids.

    If she wants to use her independence to self-destruct, she may have to finance her own college. That is what I think.

    What our children do, we have little or no control over. We can cut off the money and support.

    By her response minimizing the episode, it sounds like she does not view as problematic her behavior. This is the most concerning thing. She probably thinks she is "partying."

    If you are supporting her, you have some thinking to do about how to respond.

    Welcome. Keep posting. I would post a thread in PE, too.

    COPA
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hello RNMom and welcome to CD. I am sorry for your reasons being here. It is difficult to hear these stories of our young adults, they are dabbling in an entirely different world, it seems. A world that we cannot imagine. I had to look up uber, I am not familiar with this......
    Hmmmm. I know that college kids are notorious for partying. One of my friends pulled funding for her son, college was an excuse for uncontrolled partying. It is scary. I suppose it is like high school, where there are different groups of kids, with differing objectives. Your daughter had problems in high school, it sounds like that is continuing into college. Why do our children get mixed up with the wrong crowd, where others avoid it?
    The big question. My two started younger, in middle school, experimenting and mixing with troubled kids. I know the hardship of this. I am sorry, RNMom.

    I am glad that you have your intuition working here. The fact that your daughter is not rattled by this nightmare, is unsettling, to say the least. Believe your gut feeling, it is probably correct.
    The drug world is a dark, scary world, we are frightened by it, but it seems to draw our d cs in. These risky behaviors provide clues for us that we need to pay heed to. I am sure there are counselors at the school you could speak with, to get a different perspective.
    The problem, too, is that your daughter is over 18 and considered an adult. This puts a whole different light on the puzzle. She is making some bad choices. If you are providing for her financially, you may want to reconsider this.
    We don't want to be funding this sort of lifestyle, unknowingly.

    I hear you with this. It is a worry, on both sides of this issue. If your daughter is deep enough into this darker world, that an ER visit does not scare her, then home is not a good place for her, or you.
    She needs to come clean, and get clean. Honesty is not a hallmark of our d cs, as you may well know. We have no control over their decisions, they are adults. All we can control, is our responses. Taking a step back, thinking and taking it slow, is good advice I received here.
    We are trained as parents, to rush in to rescue, which can eventually be problematic for everyone concerned.
    I am glad you are looking at your younger children and considering their safety and right to live in a peaceable home.
    My son, now 14, went through way too many years on the sideline, as we tried over and over to help his sisters and our grands.
    If I could do it all over again, I would not have had them in our home. Many parents here will tell you, that it doesn't work. With d cs in our homes, we are sucked into a chaotic world. There are services out there, that they can avail themselves with, to get real professional help. IF they want it. We have found, that our d cs do not get better in our homes, they get worse. They must figure out their life's path. Often times, my two would come to us for help. What I have learned from years of this, is they did not want help to change their course of partying and drugging. They wanted us to make it easier for them. It became a mad dance of patterns, us trying to convince them to change, them just wanting to have a place to eat, shower, keep their things. Famous words "I am an adult, I can do what I want." No amount of talking, rules, consequences, changed this with them in our household. They would grow increasingly reckless and had a sense of entitlement, like we were supposed to stand by and just let this happen. We had years of comings and goings, that were very disruptive to raising our young son. This culminated into much anxiety for us, and him.

    You are right to consider your young children, and put their needs first. They deserve to have a peaceful home. It is their sanctuary.

    You have raised your daughter. It is time for her to stand on her two feet, and figure this out. You are doing a great service to her, by stepping back, and letting her understand her responsibility for her choices, and taste the consequences.

    The sooner she know this, the better.

    It is hard RNMom, I feel for you.
    Take time to think.

    Others will come along and share. You are not alone.

    (((HUGS))
    leafy
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree with this 100%.
     
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RNMom, I did not read any of the other replies so forgive me if I repeat. When I first read your story I thought someone spiked her drink. Until you said that you didn't know if to believe her and that her high school years were hell. That's a lot of drugs in her system.

    How are her grades? Is this her first year? If her grades are good and you have had no other problems with her up there than I suggest to leave her there and monitor her frequently. Is this a public or private college? Do you feel comfortable contacting her RA and asking them to check things out with her?

    I will tell you that our daughter lasted only six weeks in college before she was arrested for pot and alcohol. She finished the semester but never went to any classes so she got no credit and all F's. That was the end of her college career.

    Tell us more about the problems you had with her in high school.
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    This is the problem. Her denial there is a problem.

    Let us believe her (which I am sorry to say, I do not.) Taking her at her word, her drink was "spiked." And she is unconcerned and says it is not problematic that she is going places and doing things where she can be victimized in this way. This is what happens to the victims of "date rape" that are on the news of late. And this to her is not a problem?

    Her judgment at the very least may be inadequate to handle the kind of independence she has, especially if it is being subsidized by you.

    I read Nancy's reply which counsels monitoring her closely. That makes sense. And reassessing the situation when her grades come in. Except she could well be lying to you and already in serious trouble.

    She may need you to rein her in. Who else will do so?

    Is there a substance abuse counselor that you can talk to at her campus?

    My heart goes out to you.

    COPA
     
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    It was the benzos and alcohol that made her pass out, and frankly, she's damned lucky to be alive.

    Your daughter has a serious drug problem combined with a lack of knowledge about drugs, a potentially deadly combination.

    Nobody spiked her drink. She took too many pills and too much alcohol and passed out.

    The passing out is actually the part I'm concerned about as depending on the benzo dose, she would've blacked out first and basically been awake with no awareness of what she was doing (or what was being done to her)

    I would cut off the money for college immediately and pull support. She isn't going to succeed at college partying like that. This isn't a case of having a "few too many drinks".

    This is a case of heavy, intentional drug use combined with heavy intentional alcohol use. MDMA is the active ingredient in Ecstacy (assuming the pills you get are the real thing). MDMA is also known as "molly", and is sold as a white, crystalline powder which is snorted or in rare cases used IV (needles)

    The benzo was most likely alprazolam (Xanax) as it provides what is considered to be the best "HIGH" and is easily available on the street. The amphetamine good ol' Adderal.

    She's circling the drain and must be gotten away from both the drugs and the people she is using them with. My suggestion would be to get her into rehab any way you can.

    Meanwhile, figure the money you are providing towards her education is providing her with a place to do drugs and people to do them with, and any money you are providing directly is going towards drugs.

    I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I've seen this so many times.

    Be grateful to the Uber driver who saw her blacked out, realized what was going on, and called the cops who called EMS.

    Hugs to you, this is a very hard thing to deal with. Luckily she is very young, and has a chance if she can be gotten a way from the drugs.

    One thing to be very aware of is that she may have a benzo addiction. That can happen in as little as a month. Benzos MUST NOT be stopped without medical supervision! Withdrawal from benzos without medical supervision can cause seizures that can be FATAL!

    It is MUCH worse than withdrawal from opiates, which is a miserable thing to go through, but not lethal and over with in a week or two.

    Benzo withdrawal can last months and requires the use of medications to manage the symptoms of withdrawal.
     
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  8. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    She took a pretty potent cocktail of drugs mixed with alcohol. I swear these young 20 somethings have no idea what they are doing by ingesting pills and alcohol. It's not just your daughter, it's this age group - they are out of control and seem to take their partying levels to the extreme.

    She is lucky to be alive. My son knew two girls same age as your daughter who died last year from overdosing. One died trying heroin for the first time (she was in her first year at Rice University as a biochem major - extremely intelligent). The other overdosed on a cocktail combo similar to what your daughter ended up in the E.R. for. And recently a male friend of his ended up in the E.R. and had flatlined after ingesting bars (Xanax) and vodka. His heart stopped three times but he survived. This is a kid who is prone to seizures but refuses to give up drugs and partying.

    These young kids are into some serious s**t these days. I know, I've found uppers/downers and inhalants in my son's room. They all think they are bullet proof and keep partying without realizing the risks to their health and their lives. And what is sad is they joke about all the drug classes they had to sit thru in high school and how the D.A.R.E. program was a joke.

    I hope your daughter is ok and this is a wake up call for her but like all of them, they forget quickly and go right back to partying.
     
  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    A few studies have shown that the D.A.R.E program encourages drug use in kids who have been through it.

    I don't have cites, unfortunately, so you'll have to consider the info anecdotal, but apparently, the program isn't worth much. I read one account recently by a teen who posted up on a drug board that I frequent, that his "realization that D.A.R.E was BS occurred when he got out of class and ran into his D.A.R.E instructor out grabbing a smoke.

    The big reason these kids try this stuff for the first time is boredom and because their peers are doing so.

    Today's teens are growing up with a sense of ennui that arises because they have never learned to live in their own heads and entertain themselves.

    Life is a scary place and they don't have the tools to deal with it.

    One of big reasons I started studying illegal drugs and users was that I felt it was a type of knowledge I could contribute to this board where I couldn't contribute knowledge of child-rearing.

    My personal knowledge of illegal drugs was fairly extensive as i was into that lifestyle for 4 years from 16-20, but that was so long ago as to have little use in modern times.

    There are certain drugs i can speak of from experience that haven't changed, but the bulk of what's out there today I haven't heard of, let alone tried, so I study and I read up on experiences.

    A lot of what is out there will break your heart. I find myself weeping often reading these boards. Especially when i read the shrines set up listing board members who have passed on. So many young lives lost.

    And the brilliance and depth of the writing on these boards. These are intelligent young (mostly) people who are wasting their lives.

    Meanwhile. If there are any questions I can ask, be they what, why, how, please feel free to contact me either on the board or by PM.

    I'm doing this so i can help parents AND children.

    I'm still here for cat and dog and horse and fish questions, as well, and would, frankly find them to be a welcome relief at this point.
     
  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi RNMom, I hope things are better for you today and you are able to find some answers and some peace.
    Take good care of yourself, you are not alone.
    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    GN... you're valued here for a LOT more than that. Among other things, you have been a very useful voice speaking from the non-neurotypical standpoint as an adult. Please never forget that many parents don't have that perspective, and it's useful. It's been a big help to me.
     
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I preach this all the time. From my experiences in the various step and support groups I have attended, these are good people who come from good families, educated and bright futures ahead of them, who have fallen into cycle of drug use and many have died. It is very sad. Just about every month I hear of another death from our circle of families who are affected by drugs.

    GN thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience.
     
  13. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you GN, I would not know these things you write of, very valuable information.
    It is a whole different world out there.....It is sad, senseless death. Our friends niece died of alcohol poisoning. She was a nice girl, just going to graduate from high school. A young man, in his 20's, had a party over his house, heavy drinking and who knows what else. She passed out, and never woke up. No one checked on her. He was charged as the responsible adult. Two lives lost. Sad.
    Our young people can get into a lot of trouble, for sure.

    Take care, and keep sharing, you have helped many folks here, understand.

    RNMom, I hope you have found some solutions for your girl.
    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
  14. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    Does rehab do anyone any good? All I hear is how they go thru it then get out and go right back to same old habits.
     
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Rehab does no good unless it is followed by intensive psychiatric care and structured sober living.

    You can't throw an addict right out of rehab back into the same environment with the same people and expect them to stay clean. Too many triggers.
     
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    AND includes a willingness on the part of the addict to get help.
     
  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Yes. Intention is key. Nobody changes without this. Willingness, going through a process where others do the work of change, is not enough.
     
  18. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Don't believe it. But what can you do except be honest and tell her you don't believe a word. You love her and keep paying for college,she needs that for her future, you must. I am right there too. I need for him to graduate.
     
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    No, Rehab is a joke
     
  20. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    UAN, was your heart and soul ever truly IN rehab? Did you ever truly want to go with the plan in order to get better?
     
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