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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 509740"><p>Exhausted, i think it's harder to draw the line when it's your youngest or your only. For us, it was something we really needed to address because we have 2 younger kids. So, when we lowered the bar - we were lowering it for everyone - not just him. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child was not terribly disruptive nor violent but our household had this constant "buzz" while he was here - an undercurrent of tension - that was stressing my marriage, my relationship with my other kids, my husband's business - our entire life. Even this week, my husband mentioned that every single time we have "words", it usually begins with difficult child. (even if it's not about him) I never would have believed that the tension would dissipate with his departure; but it did. </p><p></p><p>("is he home?" "Is he ok?", "will he be home tonight?", "will he be home for dinner?", "if I ask him clean his room, will he bristle?" "so, should I ask him to clean his room?", "do I dare ask him what time he will be home?", "we haven't heard from him in 24 hours, do we text him first or wait for him to text us?", "why is he acting this way?"...you get the idea, it was on a continuous loop in my head - h's too)</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I feel guilty that the tension has dissipated. There is nothing right about my beloved son being estranged from us and using drugs and turning away from all the wonderful advantages of a good education. But I don't get a vote and I've done everything I can to make the love of his family and his home look more appealing than his chosen lifestyle. We have offered him treatment and help. That's all I can do. I can't force him to get help and I won't approve of his lifestyle just so I don't lose him. been there done that, didn't work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 509740"] Exhausted, i think it's harder to draw the line when it's your youngest or your only. For us, it was something we really needed to address because we have 2 younger kids. So, when we lowered the bar - we were lowering it for everyone - not just him. My difficult child was not terribly disruptive nor violent but our household had this constant "buzz" while he was here - an undercurrent of tension - that was stressing my marriage, my relationship with my other kids, my husband's business - our entire life. Even this week, my husband mentioned that every single time we have "words", it usually begins with difficult child. (even if it's not about him) I never would have believed that the tension would dissipate with his departure; but it did. ("is he home?" "Is he ok?", "will he be home tonight?", "will he be home for dinner?", "if I ask him clean his room, will he bristle?" "so, should I ask him to clean his room?", "do I dare ask him what time he will be home?", "we haven't heard from him in 24 hours, do we text him first or wait for him to text us?", "why is he acting this way?"...you get the idea, it was on a continuous loop in my head - h's too) Sometimes, I feel guilty that the tension has dissipated. There is nothing right about my beloved son being estranged from us and using drugs and turning away from all the wonderful advantages of a good education. But I don't get a vote and I've done everything I can to make the love of his family and his home look more appealing than his chosen lifestyle. We have offered him treatment and help. That's all I can do. I can't force him to get help and I won't approve of his lifestyle just so I don't lose him. been there done that, didn't work. [/QUOTE]
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