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Substance Abuse
So confused
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 510751"><p>Sharon I think you are doing great. I really believe developing tough love is a process... one tough step at a time. I know there are many ways in which way we were probably not tough on our son early enough.... but it was also important to me that he know he is loved, that we not feel like we are abandoning him and that we give him chances to do the right thing and so every thing we did was with the hope and aim of enabling the good behaviors. Of course he took great advantage of us and each time we got a little tougher... until we got to the point where we let him be completely homeless and hungry until he went into rehab. I could see at some point we may even refuse to help him with rehab... but we are not at that point yet.</p><p></p><p>So now you are at the good point of being clear about when he needs to be home if he wants to stay at home that night.... and he will follow it or not. The thing is you will have to find a way to follow through and still get some sleep!!! That can be a hard thing and that is the part that makes tough love so tough.</p><p></p><p>I remind myself that our kids are still young... many people go much much longer than me before finally getting tough and not enabling at all. And some get it and do it much sooner than I did. The process is different for everyone I think. I think the important thing is to listen to your gut and what feels right to you at the moment.</p><p></p><p>I know for me at different points if I had been tough and cut off all support I would not have felt ok about it, would not have felt peace about it. I am now at a place where i still worry (probably always will) but if we have to cut off support again I at least do not feel conflicted about it. This last time I felt clear and that clarity helped me through it.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 510751"] Sharon I think you are doing great. I really believe developing tough love is a process... one tough step at a time. I know there are many ways in which way we were probably not tough on our son early enough.... but it was also important to me that he know he is loved, that we not feel like we are abandoning him and that we give him chances to do the right thing and so every thing we did was with the hope and aim of enabling the good behaviors. Of course he took great advantage of us and each time we got a little tougher... until we got to the point where we let him be completely homeless and hungry until he went into rehab. I could see at some point we may even refuse to help him with rehab... but we are not at that point yet. So now you are at the good point of being clear about when he needs to be home if he wants to stay at home that night.... and he will follow it or not. The thing is you will have to find a way to follow through and still get some sleep!!! That can be a hard thing and that is the part that makes tough love so tough. I remind myself that our kids are still young... many people go much much longer than me before finally getting tough and not enabling at all. And some get it and do it much sooner than I did. The process is different for everyone I think. I think the important thing is to listen to your gut and what feels right to you at the moment. I know for me at different points if I had been tough and cut off all support I would not have felt ok about it, would not have felt peace about it. I am now at a place where i still worry (probably always will) but if we have to cut off support again I at least do not feel conflicted about it. This last time I felt clear and that clarity helped me through it. TL [/QUOTE]
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