So depressed what do I do?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    I have been so depressed lately that I get up ,take difficult child to summer school (after a huge fight and him cursing at me every name in the book) , come home and go back to bed until I have to pick him up at 12:30-1:00 and on days he does not have to go to school I sometimes sleep until 7:00 PM. I feel like there is no reason for me to get up in the morning.
    difficult child is back with his girlfriend and when he knows he can spend time with her he works hard to earn the privledge BUT it is a nightmare when he knows that he can't see her like if she has plans or something. He is going threw the typical hormonal stuff that all 16 age kids go threw BUT with the bipolar on top it is hard some times.
    Even though difficult child is still taking everything out on me, I am happy to report that difficult child and bilogical easy child have been repairing their relationship even though they both will deny it to greatest lengths (like it is a bad thing to have a good relationship with your siblings)
    unfortunately, both "easy child" (ha ha) step children are still slandering me all over both towns and still neither will even have an conversation with me. when husband calls oldest easy child he has to ask for her to talk to me and it is short as possible. By the way, I have issues with her now --she is pregnant with my nephews child and is living with my sister and all of them are mooching of my parents which has destroyed my relationship with my mother whom I was very close to until now. People keep telling me that it is not an issue because they are not BLOOD but I feel differently since they were raised like cousins.
    I get mad because husband will text both of my step kids (which by the way I never called them "step" until now) and even talk to them and won't even tell me how they are or anything that is going on with them even though I am the one that will ask for him to check on them.
    Step son has been gone for a year becasue he wanted to "hang out" with his girlfriend but would not do any chores in order to earn the privlegde so started sneaking out. even "took" oldest kids car in the middle of the night to go to a party without permission. So he thought he would move out and mooch off some one else, but when they got tired of his attitude they threw him out and went from "our" friends all over town and destroyed our friendships and got kicked out of everywhere even both biological grandparents . I don't know where he is or is if he's ok since husband won't tell me.
    husband and I are hardly even speaking and usually end up in an argument about the stupidest things. He has such an attitude about any little thing I ask him to do for difficult child which upsets me because to remind everyone when my "step" daughter broke both femurs, I stayed with her day and night for surgery for a week and almost lost my job to take care of her and even after she came home my easy child took care of her (she was is wheelchair and needed help to even go to the bathroom. (side note--step had the nerve to tell some one else later that she thought easy child was gay because she touched her in private parts---HELLO !! She had to take her to the bathroom and help her shower--she was trying to make sure she didn't fall down and break something else!!!!) Our MST therapist has tried to address some issues but he just walks out.
    difficult child told me the other day he wishes I was dead.:whiteflag: With all of the other stuff with the family, I wonder why I haven't already killed myself.
    MY biological difficult child just graduated and I am so happy and proud of her but lately she has teenageritis and lately her ears don't work at all. Than when I have to redirect her she gives me an attitude.
    I have NEVER felt so alone in all my life. I have no one to talk to --sorry I dumped it all here. Oh well I feel like no one will even read all of the nightmare anyway:givingup:
  2. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You have way too much on your plate - So many things you don't have control over. No wonder you're feeling so down. However, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!! The one thing I know for sure is that things are always subject to change. So, while you're going through an extremely rocky period in your life, it is not permant. Keep repeating to yourself that this is not how life is always going to be.

    My best advice is to make an appointment as soon as possible to see your doctor and get a referral to see a therapist. You need some help. You know this or you wouldn't have posted here. Please get out of bed and call your doctor!!! Life is too precious for you to be so miserable 24/7.

    Please keep posting. We will be here for you. Thinking of you and sending lots of healing, positive thoughts your way... Hugs, WFEN
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    MOG! OMG, you've GOT to be going bananas by now! Ok, I can see why you don't want to get up in the morning!

    Ok, seriously - call your doctor RIGHT NOW and go talk to him/her. NO ONE would go through everything that you're dealing with and be bouncing out of bed, with thoughts of the bright sunny skies, birds twittering and water trickling merrily in a bubbling brook nearby. Snow White you're not!

    I wouldn't be surprised if you've got your own depression going on. Some medications might make some of the overwhelming clouds break apart a little bit and allow you some space.

    Honestly - let the steps smear you in two towns. It doesn't sound like their track record will bring them a lot of credibility anyway. To be truthful, I'd step back (no pun intended) and let them swing alone. They're over 18 and need to take some responsibility for their lives/actions. You might want to poke around the Parent Emeritus forum and ask around about "detachment". My kids are still a little young, so I don't know much about it - but it's helped a lot of people on here.

    Keep posting and let us know if we can help - pm me if you're looking around for resources - depression can eat you alive if you don't address it! My "run around" schedule has been nuts, but I'll get back to you as quickly as possible!

    We care here - we truly do!

  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Mog---we care. Most of us have been where you are. I think I spent a whole summer in bed one year---things were too bad to even get up---but eventually I did. I later found out my thyroid was out of whack and the right medications for that made a big difference in my overall attitude---but the biggest thing that helped was detachment. While you can't make anyone like you, you can determine the way they treat you. If the children and husband are not treating you the way you deserve---detach, detach, detach. Start doing for you. Reconnect with people. Please don't give up.
  5. mog

    mog Member

    Thank you all who posted. I have been working with the MST therapist about this issue too and am actually on elavil (for pain -nerve damage in my right arm) which she says could be helping or things might seem a lot worse to me. I am trying to let the older ones hang themselves but it still causes so much trauma to our marriage. At this point I really have been thinking "Why am I doing this?" I have been in abusive relationships before and somedays I just want to RUN.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    MOG, I'm not being a witch here, but the elavil must not be working because you're still depressed. I don't know what type of therapist this is, but I don't get the impression that she's a medical doctor. Please talk to your regular doctor. This isn't your typical "feeling the blues" situation.

    (please know I'm not trying to offend - I'm just worried!) ;)
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Are you able to raise the Elavil or take something along with it?
    Did you say that you are in therapy? Does talking about these things help? If you are not in therapy currently, who can you ask for a referral?
    I know that reading has helped me a little with depression. There is a book..."Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway," that I really like. Also...I think one called something like "What you think about me is none of my business." Certain vitamins/supplements have helped me. They include: B Complex, Vitamin D3 and Fish Oil. I like the Carlson's Brand Fish Oil. Additionally, I have found that moderate exercise is helpful. Can you join a gym? If not, perhaps just walk around the block in the morning or after dinner. It's not easy, but taking the action steps necessary for change can and will get you out of this. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Let those you trust help you. Let them know that you wish to move forward and perhaps let them help you a little with reference to taking certain steps...ex. going with you to the store to buy vitamins, walking with you after dinner, etc. I do hope you feel better soon...I do think this is a good possibility.
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm also very concerned about you. Like Nomad, I believe moderate exercise is a good idea. If you're physically able to exercise, give it a try. It can't hurt. I honestly think it will help.

    Thinking of you. Sending more hugs your way... WFEN
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending good thoughts and comforting hugs your way. I'm also concerned about you.
  10. mog

    mog Member

    Thank you all for your concern -the MST is the only one that I talk to --the elavil is prescribed by my pain therapist from an old work injury and he is using it to decrease the nerve pain that I have so he is not willing to raise the medications since it is not for depression that they were prescribed. Can't really go to the doctor since neither of us are working and we lost our insurance--just pray that nothing happens to us. This place does help a lot I appreciate it. Hugs to all that have posted to any of my threads