So difficult child's new love is.....

[PatriotsGirl]

the biggest loser she has dated yet!! I swear she goes out and finds the worst of the worst and tada that is her new boyfriend! This one was involved in a car wreck this weekend and she went to visit him in the hospital yesterday. Oh, poor, boyfriend. Hmm, she didn't want me to Google this new boyfriend, which of course tells me I need to Google him and what do I find??? Not only does he have a very long record, but the reason he is in the hospital is because he beat up another man with brass knuckles, stole his car and then ran from the police. He lost control of the vehicle and slammed into a building. Was pulled from the car when it caught on fire. NICE. Needless to say I texted her telling her she has absolutely the worst taste in men adn that this one will never be allowed anywhere near my house. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is. Unbelievable. I am truly, truly disgusted.

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow.
I'd be making a list of restrictions pronto.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I know I can't stop her from seeing anyone. But, I can and have told her that he is not allowed on my property - ever. I have informed hubby all about this guy, too. What else can I do??? She is so determined to find the biggest losers on the planet. Makes me physically sick. And she is still wondering why she has to move out next year! Really???

 

[Marguerite]

She sounds like she's attracted to bad boys. I wonder what it is that hooks her into them? Is she trying to rescue them? Is this her form of rebellion? Is she wanting to feel "cool" by hanging with someone dangerous? Is it the adrenalin? Is she trying to challenge you?

Why not ask her what it is about this boy that she likes. Not "What do you see in him?" because that sounds too critical. Just an impartial, "There must be something about him that you really find enticing. What is it, do you think?"

There is no right answer to this question, you don't even need to know the answer yourself. But SHE needs to be thinking about the reasons, now and with other BFs.

Because it sounds to me like she is not thinking.

Marg

 

[Shari]

Wow.

FWIW, I think you're handling it the best you can. If you forbid it, she'll just cling to him all the harder. But yeah, I'd say just a print out of google is more than enough, even for her difficult child twisted sense of logic, to back your stance that "you can see him, but not on my turf"....

Hopefully she grows up before she gets too "stuck" with one of these losers.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry.

Will she abide by your demand that he NOT be at your home, or will she try to sneak him in while you are at work, church, or wherever? If you think she will try to sneak him in, change the locks and only let her be home when you are. Don't forget the garage lock/garage door opener. Those can be cloned and then you really have a problem. This guy sounds terrifying.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I am so sorry.

Will she abide by your demand that he NOT be at your home, or will she try to sneak him in while you are at work, church, or wherever? If you think she will try to sneak him in, change the locks and only let her be home when you are. Don't forget the garage lock/garage door opener. Those can be cloned and then you really have a problem. This guy sounds terrifying.

Unfortunately, she never abides by any rules we set. We did change the locks and I never gave her a key, never planned on it. I always thought that would be cruel, to leave her out when we go to work in the mornings, but it would definitely be a solution for this problem. Only now she is out, too. After what she pulled last night, I don't even want to look at her.

 

[DammitJanet]

Why do I have that song running through my head... "Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

 

[Farmwife]

Considering his priors maybe you will get lucky and he will get arrested upon discharge or do some time after court dates. An aggravated assault, grand theft auto and evading police should take enough time to serve for her to move on to the next infatuation.

Even if he was a minor he made some pretty big boo boos to be let go with just a warning. I have $5 riding on him getting picked up before he ever hits the street and that he can't post bail !!

 

[Marguerite]

Sorry, he's only a symptom, just one, of a very serious disease. Another one will be along in a minute. Each one will be worse than the previous. Until you get the basic problems identified and dealt with, this will not go away. All her associates are linked in with something very bad, it seems.

Marg