So done

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by firepipersnurse66, Dec 4, 2010.

  1. okay so here i am mother of a 10 year defiant child; no other issues but defiant sums it up; looking or help and support as my husband and I are at wits end; tonight was anightmare; i will tell you more once i know this has posted.
  2. is anyone here
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Takes a little bit of time to get responses, we'll also need more info. In the meantime, do you have or can you get a copy of Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child?" Have you taken your kid to a psychiatrist yet?
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome on board. It does get a lot faster for you when the site gets to know you. There is a lot of help here. What I found even more - a sense of empowerment here. I really needed that.

    Read that book - I had been a member of this site for several years before I actually got my hands on the book (I borrowed it form the library). I was impressed with it from the beginning and was wading through the book, waiting to get to the "this is how you do it" section. But even before I got that far, I noticed difficult child 3's behaviour improving. Of course, it wasn't because I had already begun doing everything right; it was because I had made some changes already to my own behaviour, without realising. And those changes were snowballing positively and I loved the improvement. Not a cure; we still have the underlying disorders to deal with, but it makes it a lot easier to cope with what is left.

    What I needed to do most, was change my own approach to my child. All the usual "good parenting" I had had prided myself on, was actually making him worse. I call it a change of mindset that is needed, in order to help your child more effectively.

    Discipline is important, especially with a problem child. But sometimes when we respond to bad behaviour by clamping down even more firmly, we make the problems worse. Instead, try to find a way to focus the child's stubbornness into self-discipline. A child who can so effectively be oppositional is also a child with a great capacity for self-discipline. And once they are given the reins, you can still steer a little but let them feel they are the ones in control. You can often find these kids taking surprisingly moral paths in life, all you have to do is provide guidance and the map. You become the child's facilitator and helper, rather than the person with the whip and chair.

    Anyway, read around on this site, you will find a lot of other people with similar problems. You are not alone!

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Welcome to the board. Yes, we are here. We do need to know more. Has he ever been evaluated? What was his early development like? Can he socialize with his same age peers? Any psychiatric problems on either side of his genetic family tree?
    We just don't know enough to help right now.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome-glad you found your way to us-sorry you needed to.
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Just wanted to add my welcome, too!! I have an 11 year old boy who does the same things so I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone here.

  8. Castle Queen

    Castle Queen Guest

    Welcome, waiting to hear if your 10 year old is similar to mine, perhaps I can help somehow. The ladies here are all fabulous; you have truly found kindred spirits.
  9. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Welcome. This board has been my saving grace. You will find alot of help, support, and advice here. If you could post some information that would be beneficial.