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So excited to have found somewhere to vent.....
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<blockquote data-quote="TeDo" data-source="post: 488104"><p>I agree with MWM. My difficult child 1 has abandonment issues pertaining to men (LONG story). When he gets upset, he (I know it's subconsciously) does things to try to push me away too. All I can do is reassure him that no matter what he does, I am not going anywhere and that I love him no matter what he does. He can be very hateful towards me and say extremely mean things and in extreme cases physically pushes me. He is so insecure about being loveable that when things are bad for him, he is convinced that I will ship him off or something.</p><p></p><p>Imagine that x100 because it has REALLY happened twice already. She bonded with husband because she's never been "hurt" by a male before. She takes stuff out on you because, with husband gone, somewhere inside she's convinced history will repeat itself yet again. It's better to be the one to push people away than be taken by surprise and be "dumped". She desperately needs counseling, individual and with you. She needs a lot of reassurance from you. She is in survival mode. She may even be thinking that if YOU can't handle her, she'll get to go live with husband. Regardless of the reasons, punishing her for acting the way she does without addressing the underlying causes is only going to make things worse. You need to try doing the opposite of what you're doing for now. See if reassuring and teaching helps since punishments don't.</p><p></p><p>{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both. You have a long road ahead but there IS light at the end of the tunnel if you go down the right one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TeDo, post: 488104"] I agree with MWM. My difficult child 1 has abandonment issues pertaining to men (LONG story). When he gets upset, he (I know it's subconsciously) does things to try to push me away too. All I can do is reassure him that no matter what he does, I am not going anywhere and that I love him no matter what he does. He can be very hateful towards me and say extremely mean things and in extreme cases physically pushes me. He is so insecure about being loveable that when things are bad for him, he is convinced that I will ship him off or something. Imagine that x100 because it has REALLY happened twice already. She bonded with husband because she's never been "hurt" by a male before. She takes stuff out on you because, with husband gone, somewhere inside she's convinced history will repeat itself yet again. It's better to be the one to push people away than be taken by surprise and be "dumped". She desperately needs counseling, individual and with you. She needs a lot of reassurance from you. She is in survival mode. She may even be thinking that if YOU can't handle her, she'll get to go live with husband. Regardless of the reasons, punishing her for acting the way she does without addressing the underlying causes is only going to make things worse. You need to try doing the opposite of what you're doing for now. See if reassuring and teaching helps since punishments don't. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both. You have a long road ahead but there IS light at the end of the tunnel if you go down the right one. [/QUOTE]
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