So fed up... one crisis after another...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Oct 20, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I don't know where to start. So I guess I will start with Thursday evening... difficult child had showered and was blowdrying her hair. She couldn't hear me over the noise, so I opened the door to talk to her and there was a kitty in the bathroom! Earlier in the week, she had asked to take care of a friends kitty while she found a home for it and I said no. (We have two indoor cats, and the last time they brought home a stray, we had to treat all of them for fleas after the fiasco) Then she said she was just holding it for the evening and a friend was going to pick it up. She didn't have the friends phone number or address... and she didn't give her phone number or address to the friend. Duh... (which was just part of the lies she concocts!) So we got the cat carrier and let it stay in her room overnight. I took it to school the next day which got out early and she did give it to someone.

    Well, on Friday, she wanted to spend the night with a friend. I said no because of the lies the night before. She didn't over react too much but was mad because little sis got to spend the night with a friend. Of course she told her friends that we don't let her do anything but let little sis do what ever she wants. No mention that she was the one who lied.

    So while she was out Saturday, I noticed her room was really stinky... so I started hunting for cat messes. Turns out she had put poop in a plastic bag. From the amount of poop I knew it was more than one day! Then I thought she might be hiding cigarrettes in her room, so I snooped some. I found my Target debit card in her wallet! I called the 800# and no purchases had been made. I think she would have had to know the passcode to buy something...

    But in her school back pack I found a knife that had a razor for a blade! If she was caught with that she would have been expelled from school! An ex bff has been giving her grief and threatening to fight her.


    After trying to talk to her about the lies about the kitty, (now she is admitting to two nights of having the kitty in her room) my debit card (which she says she found in her room a year ago but I know I used in April and was in my wallet) and finding the razor knife (which she conveniently says its been in their a month and she just forgot about it - it's a friends). Then she has a screaming melt down and called me "MOM!" in the most disgusting way she could say it (I am adoptive mom, but she calls me grandma) I got really mad and called her "Danielle" her biomoms name. Because when she starts getting caught in her lies... she becomes defensive and puts the problem all on me to try to make me feel bad.

    I am just so tired of this drama. Don't know what to do... and biomom keeps calling and telling the girls she is moving back here to be "close to them" when she has been gone almost 3 years and has basically ignored them. biomom is my xdil. She sounds so convincing on the phone... just like difficult child when she tries to spin a good story about all the cr&p going on. We have been seeing a therapist, but if I bring up what has gone on, difficult child will start with "she never lets anything stay in the past... that is over and done with and I apologized" But when she keeps making the same stupid mistakes... it is not in the past... it is just one incident in a line of many that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

    Some days I just want to throw in the towel... especially when a kitty has peed and pooped on it. Mary
     
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    It's so funny that you said that exact wording, because I just had this same conversation with difficult child the other day. He complains that nothing ever stays in the past. In his mind he said he's sorry, so it's over and done with. I tell him that his apology really doesn't mean that much anymore because he does the same things over and over and over and over again. I'll know he's sorry when he learns from his mistakes and changes his behaviors. He hates when I bring things up to the therapist because he feels it does not good. "It's over. Why bother?" I tell him that she needs to know exactly what is going on in the home. He doesn't understand that. Why on earth would she need to know what is going on in the home, unless, of course, it's to say how everything is my fault and if I were a better mother we'd have no problems at all.

    I feel your frustration, and I wish I had an answer for you. Sadly, I don't really think there, is short of getting them to their 18th birthdays and letting them live out on their own.
     
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Bunny,

    Funny how we get the same response. We see a therapist so we can work thru these issues... but difficult child's don't want the therapist to know about anything. Cause after all... WE are the one's with issues because we won't accept difficult child behaviors! If we would just over look all this, and didn't give difficult child's consequences... difficult child's would be just fine!! At least in their own little world.

    Crossing my fingers for a quieter day. I hope it is drama free... But hey, the kids are just waking up, who knows what the future holds? Well, I do know Who holds the future... and I try to "let go" but it is just so hard! KSM
     
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Yep I have heard that one before!

    Atleast she cleaned up after the kitty. ;) Gotta love difficult child mentality.

    I think I would contact the school about the ex bff issue. I mean if your child feels she needs that level of protection from another student that is not a good situation.
     
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    difficult child and easy child both said that talking to the school counselors will just make things worse at school. But, I have taken copied and pasted fb messages that mention difficult child and her ex bff wanting to hit her... and have it on my computer in document file. If there is ever any thing physical, I will provide the school and police copies of said files.

    Not sure what else to do. KSM
     
  6. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    If talking to the school is no good (and after poor little Rebecca in Florida, I find it hard that any school would continue to ignore bullying), so to the police. Tell them you just want to give them a heads up and file a report so if anything happens, they can know the other girl instigated it.
     
  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    When difficult child was having problems I took it to the one person I knew at the school who happened to be the Vice Principal. He took the comments I had printed off linked the usernames with students and set them all down for a nice long talk. He then called my difficult child in and did the same (she wasn't innocent either.) He also had the teachers that new my difficult child keep an eye out for issues.
     
  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    geesh... found another knife in her room. She shows no remorse about having these items. I hate this. KSM
     
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I think it might be time to take some further action. Maybe some others can give you better advice on what exactly to do but I don't think it is safe for her to have a kid with knives around.
     
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Does the therapist know that you're finding knives that she has hidden in her room? In my opinion, once weapons start appearing the winds have shifted and it's time to move to the next step, although I have to be honest when I say I'm not sure what your next step should be.
     
  11. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We have a therapist - but we don't see again for two weeks. We had seen a neuropsychologist this summer but she says she didn't find evidence of FASD or bipolar... and the only thing we got was "she is just one of those difficult children" Geesh. I knew that before the two half days of testing. Supposedly I was going to get the written report 3 or 4 weeks later... and I never had. Now we are 4 months out... I called last week and told them I wanted the results by November. I also told them if not, I would notify my insurance that they have paid for testing that has never been completed... (if the paperwork isn't done, then the work isn't done...)

    I don't know what the therapist would say... it has only been the last few appointments that difficult child has opened up and talked to her. I don't know if I should talk to therapist first privately, or just go in with her and tell her what has happened. I am at a loss as to what to do. As far as I know she has never threatened any one yet with a weapon. She made it sound that she only got a knife from a friend for protection. But, you can't believe half of what she says... KSM
     
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    If you don't see the therapist for another two weeks I would call her and let her know what is going on. She can find a way to bring things up when she sees her, but I really think she needs to know.
     
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