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So frustrated with husband and easy child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 283190" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>GOod point, eeky.</p><p></p><p>As for why she dates butch girls rather than guys - it's in the mind of the female concerned. It's also in how they see her.</p><p></p><p>I'd be worried more for her partners, than for her. But I wouldn't relax vigilance for her, however. She may not be as together as you think.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes girls her age are not as 'gay' as they think they are. They are preferring females because they feel safer, boys scare them. I remember in my mid-teens, I got a crush on a female teacher. I was confused at the time, more confused than I realised. My confusion confused me. But I always was into self-analysis - I finally put the phenomenon down (in me) to my out-of-control hormones plus fear of males in any form. At the time I was even terrified of my own father - simply because I hardly ever saw him, and when I did he was always irritable. The phase with the teacher only lasted a few months and nobody knew. Nobody. Not even the teacher. It was terrified worship from afar.</p><p></p><p>Years ago before we were married, husband & I were involved in a uni stage production with a high rate of homosexuality in the cast. There was a lot of experimentation going on (which really annoyed me at the time, I felt it was so irresponsible). I'm sure that some of the girls at the time who were openly gay, were not in fact gay, just afraid. One girl who was obviously gay got a few guys hot and bothered, she ended up in a room with about four of them and then she chickened out. Luck for her she got out of the room in one piece. Not fair to behave that way; her behaviour was just wrong, but I think borne of confusion and fear. I don't know what happened to her; I strongly suspect she would have eventually straightened herself out in every interpretation of the word.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, a good friend of husband's & mine "came out" and introduced us to her girlfriend. We were supportive of them although again, I could see that there was potential for deep hurt. The girlfriend was badly on the rebound and very insecure; she clung to our friend and I knew the day would come when she would no longer be so needy, then our friend would be hurt.</p><p></p><p>We don't know what happened, there has been a very long interval since we lost contact. However, recent contact with our friend shows a new lady on the scene, someone long-term also.</p><p></p><p>It is not a lifestyle of choice; it is a lifestyle where you are open to a lot of hurt, simply because for a lot of people who are gay, there is a lot of emotional damage to deal with on top of everything else. Remove the risk of pregnancy and you also get a higher tendency to promiscuity and infidelity. It IS possible to have a happy, monogamous gay relationship, but it takes hard work, committment and maturity (as it does for any relationship). In the meantime, a lot of hurt people parade through your life and disrupt it. </p><p></p><p>So the faster the person 'grows up' the better for everybody. She needs to not only look out for her own emotional health, but that of each partner and friend. If she can be considerate of the emotional wefare of her partners, then she will be a loved and loving person in her own right and will be happier in the long run.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 283190, member: 1991"] GOod point, eeky. As for why she dates butch girls rather than guys - it's in the mind of the female concerned. It's also in how they see her. I'd be worried more for her partners, than for her. But I wouldn't relax vigilance for her, however. She may not be as together as you think. Sometimes girls her age are not as 'gay' as they think they are. They are preferring females because they feel safer, boys scare them. I remember in my mid-teens, I got a crush on a female teacher. I was confused at the time, more confused than I realised. My confusion confused me. But I always was into self-analysis - I finally put the phenomenon down (in me) to my out-of-control hormones plus fear of males in any form. At the time I was even terrified of my own father - simply because I hardly ever saw him, and when I did he was always irritable. The phase with the teacher only lasted a few months and nobody knew. Nobody. Not even the teacher. It was terrified worship from afar. Years ago before we were married, husband & I were involved in a uni stage production with a high rate of homosexuality in the cast. There was a lot of experimentation going on (which really annoyed me at the time, I felt it was so irresponsible). I'm sure that some of the girls at the time who were openly gay, were not in fact gay, just afraid. One girl who was obviously gay got a few guys hot and bothered, she ended up in a room with about four of them and then she chickened out. Luck for her she got out of the room in one piece. Not fair to behave that way; her behaviour was just wrong, but I think borne of confusion and fear. I don't know what happened to her; I strongly suspect she would have eventually straightened herself out in every interpretation of the word. At the same time, a good friend of husband's & mine "came out" and introduced us to her girlfriend. We were supportive of them although again, I could see that there was potential for deep hurt. The girlfriend was badly on the rebound and very insecure; she clung to our friend and I knew the day would come when she would no longer be so needy, then our friend would be hurt. We don't know what happened, there has been a very long interval since we lost contact. However, recent contact with our friend shows a new lady on the scene, someone long-term also. It is not a lifestyle of choice; it is a lifestyle where you are open to a lot of hurt, simply because for a lot of people who are gay, there is a lot of emotional damage to deal with on top of everything else. Remove the risk of pregnancy and you also get a higher tendency to promiscuity and infidelity. It IS possible to have a happy, monogamous gay relationship, but it takes hard work, committment and maturity (as it does for any relationship). In the meantime, a lot of hurt people parade through your life and disrupt it. So the faster the person 'grows up' the better for everybody. She needs to not only look out for her own emotional health, but that of each partner and friend. If she can be considerate of the emotional wefare of her partners, then she will be a loved and loving person in her own right and will be happier in the long run. Marg [/QUOTE]
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So frustrated with husband and easy child...
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