SO Frustrated with husband!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, May 12, 2016.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so frustrated with my husband right now! We have a 20 yo and a 16 yo. It is not legal for them to drink. So far neither wants to drink but there is enormous peer pressure to drink in this town. I don't drink because I am on medication.

    We both have very strong histories of alcoholism on both sides of our family tree. So the gene for alcoholism is probably there for our kids.

    So why does my husband insist on keeping a bottle of alcohol out in the kitchen? He is not an alcoholic but enjoys a drink in the evening now and then. If/when it gets to a level where it bugs me, he has no problem reducing the amount he drinks or eliminating it. I have PTSD from my bro's drunken abuse of me so it can be an issue at times. He knew this before we married and is okay with moderating/eliminating it if my PTSD acts up or his drinking triggers something.

    The ONE thing I ask is that he keep the booze in the bedroom closet because the kids are at vulnerable ages.

    Each time I ask him to do this, I explain why. I ask if he has any reason why this isn't reasonable. He NEVER has any reason why this isn't reasonable or any other place he wants to keep it other than the kitchen counter. I would most likely agree to keep it in another closet or place if he wanted, but he never has any suggestions. I don't yell and scream at him even when I want to bash him over the head. I give him time to think over the issue to come up with alternatives. He just says I am right and it is good to eep it in the bedroom closet but a few weeks later I find it on the counter again. And I am not talking about the homemade vanilla bottle either (large bottle with 15-20 vanilla beans and rum/vodka for cooking use).
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I agree with you. We used to have a wine rack and wine cooler and a fully stocked bar years ago. Our older two boys never got into anything. But then I started noticing my younger one was a bit so we started to keep our alcohol locked up in my husbands trunk - not a great idea but all we could do. He still sometimes was able to somehow get into it like Houdini.

    My son is not living at home any longer (lots of problems I'm sure you've read) so now we can live freely again but WHY tempt them or even take the chance are my thoughts. My husband never took it as seriously as me until it got real bad. It looks it's your chore to check the counters before bed!
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Suzie, sometimes we're too nice about this stuff. Hubbies are related to our challenging kids... of course.

    I'd give him a simple choice: either it is ALWAYS put away, or... it can be eliminated from the home entirely. You will not tolerate it being out. He gets two more warnings, and after that it will disappear.
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Let me start off by saying, I certainly think your husband should do what makes you most comfortable in light of your PTSD.

    That being said, if it were me, I would be more comfortable keeping it in the kitchen. Putting it in the bedroom closet just seems to make it "bad" - as in hidden, sneaky, shameful, forbidden - and that equals tempting. It seems healthier to me to have such things open. Of course your kids shouldn't drink. #1, they're kids and not old enough legally. #2, genetics. But 1 and 2 don't apply to your husband. Maybe your husband feels like I do, but he doesn't want to say so?

    Of course, being out in the open didn't stop my kid from doing things he shouldn't, so what do I know?

    If you guys can't talk about it and agree - I think InsaneCdn has the best solution. Let hubby buy a drink out once in a blue moon and don't have it at home at all.
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    We had a top cabinet in the kitchen where wine and booze were kept. That is just where we had always kept those things. When daughter was fourteen, and we brought her in for help, the diagnosis was alcoholism.

    And we didn't believe that could be so. Where would she have had access?

    She had been drinking from the bottles right in our own house and then, adding water to bring the level up. Once we learned about that, we remembered a time when we had been on vacation. The condo owners had a locked closet where they kept their liquors and wines and personal items. There was some question as to whether we (or other guests) may have opened the locked area and had at the booze. Of course, we had not., we know that daughter did do that.

    We did not know she was drinking. It never occurred to us.

    As the story unfolded, we would learn daughter had been drinking since the age of twelve.

    I wish I had known.

  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    What about a "liquor" cabinet?

    husband made one for the house. At the time, my mom was early in her sobriety and seeing the bottles was trigger. My sister was a raging alcoholic and would drink anything she could get her hands on.

    husband bought a stereo cabinet at a thrift store for 5$. He ripped out the innards, put in a shelf, and installed cabinet locks on the top and front doors.

    A little refinishing and we had a very nice, secure liquor cabinet.

    You could keep all the alcohol in a cabinet like this with room left over for hub's odds n ends.
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  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The closet isn't really used as a closet. This apartment has a bit of a roach problem and they are esp bad in the kitchen so we try to not store things there. Esp as the new manager is having the place sprayed until they are gone. This means every other week we must empty all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen and bathroom so they can be sprayed. We store baking supplies, dishes and unopened food containers in the closet. husband is in it at least daily for chips etc... so it isn't a hardship to get into the closet. And HE was the one who picked it as the place to store the booze, not me. I offered to put a lock on a drawer or to find a box to put a lock on, but he thought the cabinet was overkill and the closet was fine.

    We talked and he realized how often he buys alcohol that doesn't go into the closet until it is almost empty and how that really wasn't fair considering that HE chose it as the place to store the booze.
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Ew! I hope your landlord realizes that unless he sprays EVERY unit on the same day, all he's doing is chasing the roaches from one apt to another.

    I live in a ground level apartment, but so far haven't seen any out of the usual creepy-crawlies. Good thing, as coming from my experiences living in a slum environment, I've become a bit unhinged when it comes to roaches.

    When Stu and I first moved in together, we lived in a neighborhood in Chicago known as "Little Saigon". Stu got a boiler license and took over the building as "super", which got us free rent. He also had to let the exterminators, who came monthly, into the apartments to spray.

    We had one tenant who, while always home, would refuse to allow the exterminators in to do their work.

    As a result, they'd spray, we'd get about 2 roach free days, (spent sweeping up roach corpses) and then be inundated in refugees from that one apartment. It was basically hopeless.

    The only things I've got here are spiders, which don't bother me, I just catch them and release them outdoors, and centipedes, which give me the screaming meemies.