Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So frustrated with son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 699077" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am assuming this is the 24yo in your signature. You say he is a gifted auto mechanic. Is he paying his own way on money he earns doing this? If not, he should be. The more time he spends doing something productive to support himself, the less time he has to get into trouble. If you are making his life too easy by paying for any of his things, ending the $$ and privileges may be the way to go. Here an auto mechanic, esp a good one, can make enough money to support himself decently. It is hard work, but it is possible. Making his life more difficult by not paying for his things is a way to help him grow up. It may seem mean, and he won't like it at all, but he is an adult and that means working to provide for yourself. </p><p></p><p>I hope he goes to the counselling appointment. They didn't keep him because his suicide statement took place 3 days ago, therefore the crisis was not current. Crisis facilities are overwhelmed and underfinanced. They deal with right now, not a couple of days ago. I realize it isn't easy to accept, and hopefully we will find a better way, but for now that is reality. In the future, each and EVERY time he gets violent, call 911. Insist on pressing charges for assault. Each and EVERY time he brings up suicide, have him taken to the ER. Make sure the bills are in HIS name. HE can work out payment and deal with that. If you deal with the bills then he will likely use suicide threats to control you. If he makes a statement about killing himself, the family MUST call 911 and have him transported. He must face the consequences for those statements - meaning both being taken to the hospital, being held if they deem it necessary, AND paying those bills for the ambulance ride and the time in the hospital. Making it easy by paying his bills will make this more appealing. Do NOT make time in the hospital a Disneyland experience by sending cards, gifts etc.... Of course participate in therapy if it helps, but don't make it too fun. And don't let a suicide threat end consequences for his behavior. </p><p></p><p>I know this may sound hard, and the process will be. But that is parenting and we are ALWAYS their parents. I would have a long talk with your husband about what you expect of your child and the consequences for not meeting those expectations. Figure out together what his consequences should be, and then tell him and enforce what you say. It isn't being mean, or an <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />, or any other name he wants to call you. It is being a parent. And it is protecting the rest of your children and yourself. </p><p></p><p>There are no clear answers or choices, and the best you can do is enough. Follow your gut instincts and do your best, but don't tolerate a lot of bad behavior because it does no favors to him or the rest of the family. Try to get help for him, but if he refuses to accept it then he has to either follow rules or live elsewhere because making the family home unpleasant for the rest of you is just not right, fair or good for anyone, not even for him. </p><p></p><p>Mental illness is NOT an excuse for bad behavior. MANY mentally ill people support themselves, follow society's rules, and are contributing members of society. That should be what he works towards, and if not, maybe things need to change?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 699077, member: 1233"] I am assuming this is the 24yo in your signature. You say he is a gifted auto mechanic. Is he paying his own way on money he earns doing this? If not, he should be. The more time he spends doing something productive to support himself, the less time he has to get into trouble. If you are making his life too easy by paying for any of his things, ending the $$ and privileges may be the way to go. Here an auto mechanic, esp a good one, can make enough money to support himself decently. It is hard work, but it is possible. Making his life more difficult by not paying for his things is a way to help him grow up. It may seem mean, and he won't like it at all, but he is an adult and that means working to provide for yourself. I hope he goes to the counselling appointment. They didn't keep him because his suicide statement took place 3 days ago, therefore the crisis was not current. Crisis facilities are overwhelmed and underfinanced. They deal with right now, not a couple of days ago. I realize it isn't easy to accept, and hopefully we will find a better way, but for now that is reality. In the future, each and EVERY time he gets violent, call 911. Insist on pressing charges for assault. Each and EVERY time he brings up suicide, have him taken to the ER. Make sure the bills are in HIS name. HE can work out payment and deal with that. If you deal with the bills then he will likely use suicide threats to control you. If he makes a statement about killing himself, the family MUST call 911 and have him transported. He must face the consequences for those statements - meaning both being taken to the hospital, being held if they deem it necessary, AND paying those bills for the ambulance ride and the time in the hospital. Making it easy by paying his bills will make this more appealing. Do NOT make time in the hospital a Disneyland experience by sending cards, gifts etc.... Of course participate in therapy if it helps, but don't make it too fun. And don't let a suicide threat end consequences for his behavior. I know this may sound hard, and the process will be. But that is parenting and we are ALWAYS their parents. I would have a long talk with your husband about what you expect of your child and the consequences for not meeting those expectations. Figure out together what his consequences should be, and then tell him and enforce what you say. It isn't being mean, or an :censored2:, or any other name he wants to call you. It is being a parent. And it is protecting the rest of your children and yourself. There are no clear answers or choices, and the best you can do is enough. Follow your gut instincts and do your best, but don't tolerate a lot of bad behavior because it does no favors to him or the rest of the family. Try to get help for him, but if he refuses to accept it then he has to either follow rules or live elsewhere because making the family home unpleasant for the rest of you is just not right, fair or good for anyone, not even for him. Mental illness is NOT an excuse for bad behavior. MANY mentally ill people support themselves, follow society's rules, and are contributing members of society. That should be what he works towards, and if not, maybe things need to change? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So frustrated with son
Top